People's attitude to WLS

[Jachut 487]

My DH is right behind me if I feel this is what I need to do but when he was complaining about his back last night (he's about 25kg overweight too) I said to him "would you consider this too?". He said "no, I wouldnt risk a general anaesthetic with you and the kids to consider for something I should be able to handle on my own".

I said no more about it but I was thinking on it more later on. He had a long surgery for compartment syndrome in both his legs about 2 years ago, our little girl was only 7 months old at the time and we've got two older boys.

Why can people not view obesity as a debilitating condition that needs to be fixed, just as his compartment syndrome was, just as the heel spurs and wisdom teeth I've had removed under general anaesthetic were.

Why can he watch one of those plastic surgery shows and tell me if I get all this weight off I can get my boobs done? Like why is it OK to mutilate your body to stick a few bits of silicone in your chest, but not OK to get banded to ensure you live 15 years longer in comfort and health. That your sore, wounded self esteem is fixed?

Its nuts.

[fee 0]

My DH is the same hes about 25 overweight too and wouldnt ever get banded to weight! He doesnt really want me to get it done but i am getting it done. I think they see it as an unnecessary operation and we should be able to control our weight by ourselves and not through surgery! Men see things differently to us ladies we worry about what we look like and whos talking about us and some guys dont seem to care whatsoeva.They just have to learn to deal with the fact that obesity is a major medical condition and if it doesnt get fixed our life expectancy will shorten with alot of complications with it.

[banded_for_life 2]

Now see, my husband has been completely supportive in my endevours to have this surgery. My husband is right at a BMI of 24 and is 6'3. At 5'1 I weigh more than he does. He knows that my health is in extreme danger. We have two chitlins and he wants me to do whatever I need to in order to be around for our children. I am so lucky!!!

[alatina 1]

my SO is completely supportive but virtually everyone I know views being overweight as being lazy which is quite often the case-oh sure people will say they have tried everything,diets,exercise blah blah blah but most times they have not-I can NOT honestly say I did all that I could-bottom line was I was a boredom eater and never exercised like I should-I did this as a miracle fix and Boy oh boy have I been surprised-I still have to do it all myself-pfft.Fact is is there are indeed overweight people who have done tons to manage their weight but most people who are overweight are that way due to their own inability to control their portions and dietary choices-period.So its only normal that few people will understand that this is an addiction for alot of us and like an alcoholic or drug addict its just not that easy to knock it off.With all this said I am glad that I got this done but truly wish I could have pulled it off by myself and wish you the best of luck.Its a hard road and even with the band dont count on any miracle cause it aint comin.Even knowing that I will indeed have issues if I eat bread I still do sometimes cause its soooooooooo hard to say no all times and for me I always hope that this will be the time it glides right thru(it never is)-much like any addict I cant help it but am getting better.

[Mikie in VA 0]

Hey gang,

My situation is quite similar as I've just read. I've done it both ways. Was done 50 lbs, meant a great guy and 7 ys later, I've got the 50lbs back. Since meeting the guy I'm engaged to now, I've had major problems w/my knees/legs, boarderline diabetes, high blood pressure, and now I've hit 50!

Some folks when I tell them about going the lapband way say, You can do that yourself. Oh, yea, take the easy way out. Then there are some that say, you'll be so much healthier, I want you around for quite awhile w/me. Don't want you dying young.

I know it's not the complete answer, but a help to get moving in the positive direction. The dr's office that sent my paperwork in last week, said it wouldn't be until Oct. for their earliest appt. if it is approved. This has really become a big business for docs. If other insur groups switch and will do the lap (I would think it would be less time for them and the same $$$ or some what the same $$$ to do lap vs RNY). Wondering how long for most of you who have done it from approval to oper date?

Again, glad there our folks out there that have been there or or going there!

[Parvathi 2]

My DH, bless his heart, is super supportive. He wasn't too keen on the idea of WLS at first, but after my mom went to the information evening with me and came back raving about it (she's a RN and he trusts her judgement more than mine lol), he was fine with it.

Had I not had comorbidities, such as sleep apnea and borderline diabetes, he probably would have been a bit harder to turn around on the idea though.

Jachut, you just do what you know is right for yourself, and everything else will fall into place

[Jachut 487]

He is supportive but I just dont think he "gets" it, kwim? I'm not goign to have to fight him for it, he just wants me to be happy.

But he does think that people should be able to lose the weight themselves. Despite being a bit of a fatty himself and not having been able to do anything about it for the last 20 years! Despite not being able to control himself after a long day at work barely eating, he eats 3 servings of whatever's for dinner (and then bitches because I've blown the grocery budget, he just ate what was meant to feed us for 2 nights).

My mum said something similar. She said "well, I"lll support you in what you choose, you have to do what's right for you" but she also said "what about weight watchers (for like the 30th time), I'll come with you". She cant see the fact that she's lost and regained the same 15kg for the last 30 years as significant. She believes WW will work if you stick to it.

My sis just lost 12kg with WW and looks gorgeous. But she's regaining it already.

Dieting. Does. Not. Work.

Changing your eating habits in achievable ways does. But what's the moral crime in needing help to do that? Smokers get nicotine Patches dont they?

[chichigirl 1]

Why is it that everyone thinks of WLS as the easy way out??? I mean, when people try to quit smoking, does anyone give them a hard time if they try many of the products on the market designed to make it easier for you to be more successful?

I wonder how many of these people have even undergone surgery. I can tell you this, I had this done a little over three years ago, and like it is for everyone, it is an elective surgery. However, the eight surgeries I went through prior this one were not. It was one of the most difficult decisions I had ever made, talk about being sick of having surgery and then go through the recovery process, who needs it, but eventually I realized I did.

I have lost a lot of weight with this tool and I have gained it all back, by my own choice. I'm back to using the tool and truly hope to beat my demons this time and finally reach my goal before it kills me altogether.

Well, now that I got that off my chest, just realize, unless we have been through it, it is difficult for any of us to relate to difficulties other people have, even loved ones. What may seem simple and effortless to us, is insurmountable to one who is trying to overcome an issue.

Take care.

Cindy

[ReneBean 3]

It is surgery to help us battle an addiction that we have been unable to control. Its a tool to help fight a disease.

The problem is that while the medical profession has recognized that MO folks have a disease, the rest of the world remains ignorant of this.

It's not like a virus in the blood - or a malfunctioning organ, so it is beyond the grasp of the common thin person that this is a disease that must be battled by all means necessary.

I don't know how to fix this when even we, the afflicted, forget and talk about things that we could or should do. I swear that some day they will find the "fat gene" that makes us all lose control in the presense of flavor stimulation....

In the mean time - I am all for the so-called EASY way. I know for me, it is probably the ONLY way that I will ever be able to maintain weight loss for more than a few months.

[Jachut 487]

Yes its only since I've really stopped to think about this as a disease that I've given the band consideration. Even comments I've made on here a few short weeks ago show that I hadnt got my head round that.

The linking of your morals and your weight is absurd, yet its precisely why we all feel shame about our bodies. Because its not an invisible disease is it?

[Carrie Daniels 0]

You know - some people just don't get it and they are never going to get it (especially skinny people)....we have to do what is best for ourselves!

[LilAngel 0]

I think you guys really have it here. ADDICTION. However, a lot of medical folks don't see it that way because there are not physical withdrawal symptoms associated with the removal of certain addicting foods like there are with removing a substance like heroin. That seems quite silly to me. Yes, I actually heard this from a medical professional. Everyone old enough to sleep by themselves would know that anything could be addicting. What about cigarettes? Isn’t it true that the actual physical addiction to the chemicals is over rather quickly, but the emotional addiction can last forever? Same with alcohol, yes? So how can that line of thinking be valid? Granted, I have also heard other professionals validate eating as an addiction.

But why is that important? It is certainly not because I need someone to tell me I am addicted to something to make me feel better. I know I am already. I don’t need to be told. But validation is necessary at the society and mass media level because this is why people think you can “just do it.” They see a fat person and they do not see a sad addiction to a substance we can never completely avoid. They do not realize that not being addicted isn’t as simple of emptying our cabinets of alcohol (or pick your poison) and not going to a bar. Not that I think that would be easy, but as a comparison, consider that not over-eating and eating bad foods is an addition you consciously fight three meals a day-MINIMUM, while actually partaking in the actual substance that is killing you because you must eat in order to stay alive. Oh, how we quickly judge. I have always said, I do not judge others who are addicted to drugs, alcohol, cigarettes etc. I have been fortunate enough not to have those addictions. However, I certainly have my own, food. So I try not to judge and I try not nagging my BF to quit smoking. We talk about getting help instead. That is the discussion folks should be having around the issue of obesity, not will power or how gross people look because of fat. Right, as if drug addictions are attractive. Okay, I am off my soapbox now. But that is one that always hits me hard. I dated a guy long term once who was never addicted to anything and we were really from different planets because of that. That is when all of this came to the surface for me.

<O:p

Luckily, my BF now does understand, and even took out a loan against his house to help me get the surgery in September. I thought he would think I was nuts at first, but he actually did a lot of the convincing by stressing the long-term effects of the weight. He often pointed out how it has affected his mother’s life and doesn’t want that for me. He doesn’t think I can do it alone, and couldn’t believe I felt ashamed for admitting I was not able to. Why can’t the rest of the world just think like my guy? Wow…I need to call him and tell him he is great. J

Thanks for listening to my rant.

[Tuff Enuff 0]

I agree with what you all said about it being an addiction and that people who have never really had a weight problem just don't get it. I just spent several days with family some who have weight problems, some who have lost a significant amount of weight in the last year and some who have never had weight problems. Their reactions and level of support had a definate correlation. I mentioned since having my first fill I wasn't really hungry most of the time, the person who had never had a weight problem responded with " then just don't eat. " Totally didn't get the fact that this surgery is to prevent being hungry and being full faster. If I followed that rule right now I would probably rarely eat and would develope malnutrition or another eating dissorder pretty quickly. Everyone else kept offering me food, once they got it they then kept offering me high Protein foods. For the most part everyone was pretty supportive and were curious about it. I know I have a problem and it is never going to totally go away. I'm planning on it going into remission not vanishing.

[banded_for_life 2]

Now even having a supportive husband hasn't shielded me from sly innuendos. I knew that it was just a matter of time before I got my surgery. So I have been actively working to get my weight down prior to surgery. I have lost 13 pounds and now remarks are coming my way, why do I need surgery, I can just continue with the diet that I am doing and shouldn't have any problems losing weight. If only it were that easy! I don't waste my breath trying to explain, even with drill to the brain it wouldn't help.

[Jachut 487]

Someone mentioned to me on another board that like me they're a lowish BMI patient and they had several comments in the hospital along the lines of "why would you need to be doing this?"

It just shows the depth of misunderstanding. Ok, so by sheer luck, in my body I'm just a fat person. In my head I'm morbidly, severely, eternally obese! Its not about your body, its about your head!

What I hope this will do for me, if indeed my low (well relatively) BMI doesnt prevent it being done at all - is that by preventing me physically from relying on comfort food to any great extent in the times when I eat inappropriately (boredom, stress etc), I will eventually lose the focus on food other than at times of real hunger.

Its an operation to fix my head, not my body. My body is the symptom, not the cause.