Please suggest *sympathetic* doctor in SF bay area

[SlicedBread 0]

Hi everyone, I'm writing tonight because we have reached a crisis point in our lap band journey and are in great need of people's advice and experience.

We don't want to get into details because we don't want to distract from our main question: given our situation, who would you recommend to help us?

We need to find a local Bay Area surgeon who has a very sympathetic and informative bedside manner, and who understands eating disordered behavior in a non-judgmental and supportive way. Both sensitivity and expertise are key.

We have been to Crystal Springs in the Peninsula, and to Laparoscopic Associates in SF. Both were unsatisfactory experiences for us, for different reasons.

And so, we come here for suggestions. Given the kind of sensitive, patient and knowledgeable surgeon we seek near the Bay Area, who would you guys recommend?

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Hi everyone, I'm writing tonight because we have reached a crisis point in our lap band journey and are in great need of people's advice and experience.

We don't want to get into details because we don't want to distract from our main question: given our situation, who would you recommend to help us?

We need to find a local Bay Area surgeon who has a very sympathetic and informative bedside manner, and who understands eating disordered behavior in a non-judgmental and supportive way. Both sensitivity and expertise are key.

We have been to Crystal Springs in the Peninsula, and to Laparoscopic Associates in SF. Both were unsatisfactory experiences for us, for different reasons.

And so, we come here for suggestions. Given the kind of sensitive, patient and knowledgeable surgeon we seek near the Bay Area, who would you guys recommend?

In reading through your last posts it's pretty clear your girlfriend has big issues. She doesn't follow the diet, she doesn't follow basic guidelines to protect her health, she wasn't ready for WLS, the trend I'm seeing in most of your 5 posts is that all the doctors she's been to are uncaring and unfeeling.

Hello? Do you see some trends here?

Perhaps instead of finding another band surgeon how about a therapist? You can probably find a "head patting" surgeon but he isn't going to help the real issues here.

Others before me have tried to give you honesty instead of head patting and you don't take that well and I don't expect you to take this one well either.

You can't do this for your g/f, she has to do it herself. Don't even bother telling me I don't understand, I understand eating disorders and the fat mentality well. I live it daily, we all do.

I have no doubt you care deeply about this person but I think you are looking for the wrong kind of doctor.

[2Flyguys 13]

i'd have to agree with wasabubblebutt...i have a friend that just had wls and is always crying the blues about her surgeon and the fact that she is not losing weight...while she is snacking on french fries....uuummmm hello!!!!!!!! no 1 has held my hand through this journey...i've had to hold my own...if anything u r probably enabling her more than ur helping her....her will to lose weight has to b stronger than any surgeon...boyfriend or support group...it doesnt sound like she is ready or even wants to lose weight...my surgeon is awesome...but he is just that "a surgeon"...he doesnt lose it 4 me

[MacMadame 81]

I was going to suggest Dr. Feng at Crystal Springs. If you think he's unsympathetic, uncaring and doesn't understand eating disorders, then I think you are SOL because they don't come much more sympathetic than him! All his patients say he and his office manager are real sweethearts and I've met them at a conference and didn't see anything to contradict that.

I have Dr. Cirangle at LapSF and I am crazy about him. But I like blunt people who aren't going to coddle me. I never felt like he was uncaring or unsympathetic, but I understand that not everyone is going to like his style and some may interpret him that way. OTOH his on-staff dietician and on-staff counselor absolutely are sensitive and caring and understand eating disorders.

IOW, I think you are searching for something that doesn't exist. These are two of the best programs in the area in terms of complication rates, results and after-care.

[Ale78 0]

I am afraid that I have to agree. I have a really hard time as well not eating the junk that I ate before. I knew going into this that I was going to need more help with my head than anything else.

I had uncontrolable urges to eat garbage food. Namely icecream. It is still really hard now but having the mental help there for me has really made a huge difference. You have to change your MIND not just what you try to eat.

I get mad at my husband but at the sametime he really helps keep me in check and asks me things like should you really have that much food on your plate? Which makes me want to punch and love him at the same time :thumbup:) So I guess what I am getting at here is while it may be no fun for a bit you need to really help her make the right choices and remind her that she doesn't want to stay the way she is, or she wouldn't have gotten the sugery to begin with.

I am contantly asking myself "Do you really want more food or do you want to look cute in a swim suit?" That really helps me. So maybe help her come up with a manta to stop her from eating the bad stuff.

A doctor can't do this for her....trust me we would ALL love that.

Good luck and hang in there!

~A

[MacMadame 81]

I get mad at my husband but at the sametime he really helps keep me in check and asks me things like should you really have that much food on your plate? Which makes me want to punch and love him at the same time :tt2:)

Eh, I think this is VERY variable. I absolutely do not want my husband to be my food police. I don't consider that being supportive. I am an adult and I can be my own police and make my own choices.

OTOH, if he wants to bring something up later ... for example, "I've noticed you've been eating more lately. Is everything okay?" ... that I would be okay with because he's not assuming I'm doing something wrong and he's not trying to control my food intake. But not being my "mommy" for me.

Everyone is different in this way and I think the couple has to work it out for themselves. For example, if I were the OP's significant other, I'd be pretty ready to punch him out by now. :thumbup: He keeps talking about "we" and "our band journey" but it's really her band and her choices and her journey. For me, I'd find him overly involved and smothering.

But maybe she thinks it's great and he's the most supportive thing ever.

OTOH, I think maybe he should talk to her about this and make sure that some of her problems with following the rules and making good choices aren't because she's rebelling against him. I've seen that happen a lot. Sometimes with parents and younger bandsters and sometimes with couples. It generally doesn't end well.

[SlicedBread 0]

We don't want to get into details because we don't want to distract from our main question

Thanks for the answers, but people made A LOT of assumptions regarding what our question is really about. And no, you can't tell from my previous posts.

Yes, we liked many things about Dr Feng but not all. In our opinion, what we thought appeared to be Dr Cirangle's arrogant and abusive attitude was beyond unacceptable.

All of the responses so far have jumped, with great self-righteous certainty, to A LOT of false conclusions. We find that really unhelpful, mainly because it takes the thread down a road that has NOTHING to do with our question. It's very wasteful. Everyone gets agitated, and our real question goes unanswered.

Our question is - We are looking for a surgeon who will patiently and sympathetically discuss facts, the pluses and minuses of our ALL our options, all without judgment, arrogance, or (very important) a blind spot to the emotional component of the lap-band journey.

If someone can contribute their experience with such a doctor, thank you, we appreciate it and would love to hear of it.

[2Flyguys 13]

what u need is a surgeon to perform the surgery on your girlfriend and then send HER ON HER MERRY WAY TO GO LOSE THE WEIGHT SHE NEEDS TO TAKE OFF....period....get over it!!!!!!!!!!!

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Thanks for the answers, but people made A LOT of assumptions regarding what our question is really about. And no, you can't tell from my previous posts.

Yes, we liked many things about Dr Feng but not all. In our opinion, what we thought appeared to be Dr Cirangle's arrogant and abusive attitude was beyond unacceptable.

All of the responses so far have jumped, with great self-righteous certainty, to A LOT of false conclusions. We find that really unhelpful, mainly because it takes the thread down a road that has NOTHING to do with our question. It's very wasteful. Everyone gets agitated, and our real question goes unanswered.

Our question is - We are looking for a surgeon who will patiently and sympathetically discuss facts, the pluses and minuses of our ALL our options, all without judgment, arrogance, or (very important) a blind spot to the emotional component of the lap-band journey.

If someone can contribute their experience with such a doctor, thank you, we appreciate it and would love to hear of it.

You are looking for a doctor with sympathy. That's not a doctor's job. Their job is empathy. Looking for a sympathetic doctor speaks louder than you might realize. Every doctor you have written of so far in both countries... you've been unhappy with because they weren't nice enough, they didn't understand. I have a hunch they DO understand.