People Who Dont Support Your Decision

[OnTheWay to Thin 0]

A friend and I are both considering Lap Band Surgery. I have a very supportive family and they have all been behind me as I try to make this difficult choice, which I believe is a life saver for me. I have arthritis of the knees and dont want to be crippled so I feel it is vital to my continued happiness. My BMI is about 49 and I want to lose between 120-150 lbs.

However, my friend, has a different story and really would like the support of her sister. However her sister has actually been pretty cruel, told her basically that she was too fat to have the lap band, that it would not work for someone of her Size, told her it was a cop out, the easy way out and is just generally very hurtful. Her BMI is around 50 and she would be very very happy with even 100lbs of weight loss. I try to be reassuring, but there is no substitute for the love, support and compassion of your sister, and I cant believe how awful she is being. Any words of wisdom out there to help her deal with her less than supportive sister. Her mother and husband are supportive, but she still needs her sister during this time.

[2Flyguys 13]

easy way out!!!!!!!?????????? there is no easy way out of being over weight....tell ur friends sister to get banded and let us know how easy it is!!!!!!!!!! good luck to u and ur friend!!!!!!!!! i wish u both the very best!!!!!!!

[HeatherO 7]

Not everyone is supportive . . . but it really helps to have a friend that is going through the same thing. it is great that you can be there for each other.

[Cingulus 0]

I am sorry your friend is haveing such a hard time. I am amazed how many peopl have to go through that crap. I actually just wrote this blog about it today.

One of my all time favorite movies is “A Knight’s Tale.” In one of the key scenes, William, our intrepid hero; played by the late Heath Ledger, is told by his father “a man can change his stars, and make a new and better life.” It is that spirit that surrounds this Lapband community. So for those of you who have people who doubt, alienate or deride you for “taking the easy way out”…stand true. You have chosen to “change your stars” and it can be a lonely road. However, truth be told, it was always destined to be a bit lonely because only you can make those changes. So take heart…there is a place where others understand, and you can find new strength and renew your purpose.

I struggled with this choice for many years, my wife and mother both encouraged me to look at Lapbanding. I have found tremendous help and hope in the many pages of this forum. For those of you struggling with this choice remember “it is better to do the hard right thing vs. the easy wrong thing.” For many, life’s journey has brought us here and offered us new way to “change our stars.” Often we have to do things that other will never comprehend, if you know this is the right thing to do for you and those you love…persevere. Then, take the road less traveled, be true to what you know is right, love and forgive the detractors for they are sorely misguided and follow your true knight’s heart forward in the face of all adversaries.

[msmonafly 0]

I am sorry that your friend has to go through the pain of not having support. I just want you to tell her that this is about her! This choice is about becoming comfortable in the skin that is hers!!! Her sister does not have to support her choice! You can not expect everyone to Celebrate your choices, that is why you have to plant your own garden instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers..... Tell your friend to put her head up, her shoulders back and jump on this BAND-WAGON!!!! We all will be the support that she needs!!!!!

[Allformyson 0]

She doesn't need the approval of her sister. If she really thinks she does she has another issue than just losing weight, honestly. She has to live for herself, not her sister.

[circa 0]

A friend and I are both considering Lap Band Surgery. I have a very supportive family and they have all been behind me as I try to make this difficult choice, which I believe is a life saver for me. I have arthritis of the knees and dont want to be crippled so I feel it is vital to my continued happiness. My BMI is about 49 and I want to lose between 120-150 lbs.

However, my friend, has a different story and really would like the support of her sister. However her sister has actually been pretty cruel, told her basically that she was too fat to have the lap band, that it would not work for someone of her Size, told her it was a cop out, the easy way out and is just generally very hurtful. Her BMI is around 50 and she would be very very happy with even 100lbs of weight loss. I try to be reassuring, but there is no substitute for the love, support and compassion of your sister, and I cant believe how awful she is being. Any words of wisdom out there to help her deal with her less than supportive sister. Her mother and husband are supportive, but she still needs her sister during this time.

Just a question, but is your sister's friend overweight?

I think that anyone that can't be supportive in a health-improving situation has something they're covering - either their fear that something will happen to that person or a jealousy factor. Maybe she's afraid it WILL work too well and then she won't be the only sister that gets noticed.

One of my sister in laws used to ask why I spent so much time running and lifting weights since it "really didn't help anyway" - this didn't start until I actually was giving her the clothes that were too big for me. I'm just sayin....some people have that sort of defense mechanism. I wish I still had that size 10 body. BUT I will have it again And I'll give her my clothes....again :thumbup:

[Foxxy 0]

Smoker's need the patch, Drug addicts need methadone, some people need psychologists, women need birth control, and others need WLS. If there is a tool available to HELP, then why not. It may be hurtful NOW when someone says it, because I've had the same reaction from my Grandmother and some friends (not to the extreme) but hurtful nonetheless, and I reply with the above. Regardless, as others said here and I'm sure its the sentiment of many, this isn't for her sister's approval! She needs to do this for herself to help herself! If this is what SHE wants, forget who stands in her way. They aren't there to help her catch her breath or to help ease the pain in her joints. Are they gonna cook heathly for her? I mean we never please people all of the time, but if it pleases you, then that's all that matters. I really hope that she finds her way. I know I did despite what ever criticism I've encountered. It's time to be strong for yourself!

[bcsrvivr 0]

I am in the first stages of meeting with all the specialists. I was not going to tell anyone I am having surgery and then I decided I didn't care what anyone said. I have a friend at work who has done nothing but put it down since I made the decision to have Lap Band surgery. Everyday there is some new reason why I shouldn't have it (makes you sick, someone told her it was unhealthy, blah blah blah). She is larger than I am and honestly, after meeting with the psychiatrist I think she is afraid I will lose alot and then she will be the only "fat girl" here at work. I am trying my best not to get mad at her but it is hard. Tell your friend to hang in there and do what makes her feel good.