You're Getting Skinny! Are people still nice to you?

[Lady Lap Band 71]

Hi All! My surgery date is June 19th.

My mom said something interesting to me the other day. She is 1 of 3 people who know about my decision to have the Lap Band.

She said that I should expect people who have always been nice to me, to treat me differently because they will become jealous of my success and perhaps I'll become thinner than they are.

Of course this won't be the case for everyone but some probably. I was wondering if anyone who has lost a lot of weight has experienced something like this??

Thanks!

[LoveIslovely 0]

Well people are actually treating me nicely especially the boys. People open doros for me, say thank you more often. I think is amazing how people treat you when you are obese. I was called big girls a few times and that hurts, 'til this day I think some one is gonna call me big girl. I dont feel slim at all and maybe thats not a good thing but it is what it is. As far as people I know and love, they just ask me for exercise advice lol.

[WendyII 0]

I can tell you this from my experience in losing weight in the past there WILL be people who are envious of you. Sadly it might be people closest to you.

[Lady Lap Band 71]

In all honesty I hope it does happen to me. I hope the people who are really envious show it because I would like to know who my friends really are.

[lellow 1,713]

I got people becoming nicer, and people becoming nastier, and in the end, it all kind of evened out. My family was probably the worst about not being nice about my weight loss, tbh. Their excuse is that they're so used to seeing me fat that now I look wierd skinny. Riiiiighht.

My friends and colleagues at work have been pretty good. I have had the odd person who I was bigger than before, but who I am much smaller than now, say some very unkind things about my weight loss and how I cheated by having lapband surgery. But I reckon they could not be more obviously jealous, so I kinda just feel sorry for them.

[Jachut 487]

I found a lot of people became, not exactly nasty, but judgemental about what sort of vain self obsessed shallow person I must be because I am thin and fit. People whom I already knew dont treat me differently, to them I am me whatever shape I come in. I mean people whom I dont know or whom I have met since I lost weight.

At uni, suddenly, I am "cool". I'm no longer one of the boring studious mature age students - not that I ever was, I never sat in the front row at lectures or mixed only with other older students, how boring!

But I get those "oh, you wouldnt have to worry about THAT, you're skinny" comments, and I find I'm not "one of the gang" at school and such. When I was fat I was that "normal fat" - bmi of 36, I blended right in, didnt stand out, I wasnt unusually fat and I wasnt threateningly thin. Now I'm the odd one out because in any group of late 30's/early 40's mums of a few kids, nearly everyone is in pretty terrible shape. Nobody exercises, nobody eats well, etc. Except me. And people tend to resent that and assume I have my priorities all wrong and that all I care about is myself and my appearance.

I dont mean everyone of course, I have lots of friends, but I can honestly not name ONE occasion where I was treated badly for being overweight, but can think of a million uncomfortable moments when someone has resented my thinness.

[lellow 1,713]

That's an interesting point you've made, Jacqui. I think the thing people seem to think about me now is that because I exercise, eat well and now have even had surgery (OMG!) that I've become this self-obsessed jerk whose whole life revolves around me, me, me.

And yet for my entire life prior to this, I always put myself last. Now I take the time to be good to myself, and in real terms, it means not putting junk in my mouth, taking 120mins out a week to exercise, and paying for surgery that I need to look my best, just like I am paying for braces that my children need to look their best.

What have I been teaching my now 19yo daughter all these years, by putting myself last all the time, allowing myself to always come behind my children and my husband? That she should also be self-sacrficing, always putting herself behind her boyfriend? God, if that's what I've done, then I was wrong!

So now I tell them: my needs are equal to theirs. No more, no less. They will always get what they need, and I will always be there for them, but I will not let myself get nothing, need nothing, to give them what they want. My kids don't suffer for the time I take to exercise and eat well. I would like to think they're learning the good habits I didn't learn when I was growing up. I think that acually makes me a role model of good self esteem for my children, for the first time in a long time.

Edited April 8, 2009 by lellow

[HONEYDIVA33 0]

I had a so called really good friend stop talking to me for a couple of days. I decided to treat her the same way I have always treated her with kindness and nothing less. She is the one with the problem, I am getting healthier and progressing. She has to deal with her health and progress. She is the only one being mean to me, everyone else is very supportive and interested in my procedure. The men are really being nice and that is funny to me. I am the same person no matter how the outside looks.

[footballmom104 0]

I was banded 1/19 and have lost 33 lbs. ... I haven't noticed any differences yet. But I think a lot of "normal" people don't like to see us loose weight because they don't have you to feel superior to anymore. And people who are as heavy or heavier as we are have issues with it because we're breaking the so-called "rules" by leaving the fat thing behind and "abandoning" them.

[chocolate_snaps 3]

From my experience, people have generally gotten nicer. But so have I and that my be part of it.

However, dont expect everyone to be happy with your new look. I have experienced my fair share of hate re: my weight loss. Mostly from those close to me. Surprising...I know!

Footballmom is absolutely correct IMHO. people have to come to terms not piting you in their heads. Its an internal struggle for many people. Make no mistake about it.

I hate to make it sound so bleak. If you losing weight ruins somebody else's day, its just their superiorty complex crumbling.

[Catherine55 43]

I haven't noticed a change in my friends, except that a few of them talk to me more now about how they want to lose some weight (usually like 10 lbs) and how they are doing on their diets and exercise. It hasn't caused any problems at all though.

People at work have been really positive about my weight loss, to the extent that they have said anything to me about it (I did not tell any work people about the band). Other than that, I may be getting a little more attention from guys, but nothing too remarkable! Hopefully that will change for the better soon! :glare:

Catherine