I don't Qualify-- Need to gain 5 pounds

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If I were not in such dire straits financially I would not hesitate to pay for this surgery out of my own pocket. I fear this is going to be a steep uphill journey. I had hoped for surgery early this summer but with what I am learning, it looks like it may not happen...another reclusive summer in hiding and hating my painfully uncomfortable body.

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I know this may seem crazy but now that I see how difficult it is to get insurance coverage for WLS, and now that I realize how long a process this will be I feel obliged to gain weight! Now that I have resigned myself to this mindset, I am not desiring the foods that I so crave when trying my best to lose weight. So I think, hmmmm I can damn eat anything now since I benefit the higher my BMI....so what should I eat....and I really haven't desire for anything at all. In any event I make a decision, pizza, sub, whatever it be....but I find that whether I prepare it here at home or get take-out, I am not enjoying it. I think it's time to see a shrink.