What do you tell your kids?

[WDW Luver 0]

I have 2 daughters. I have tried very hard to raise them without the food issues that I have and instill healthy eating habits and positive body image in them. So far things are good, they are both normal eaters and at a very average weight. My oldest is 13 so body image is certainly becoming a big deal, but she has a body I would kill for!

I don't think I want them to know about this surgery. I want to keep this between myself, husband and some very close friends for now. My girls love to talk and don't often remember what they have been asked not to repeat! And they would worry quite a bit about me. They know that I have been on "diets" and dread it when I do! I am thinking that I will just tell them I am having some tests done in the hospital--like when I have had colonoscopies. I have digestive issues and a sensitive stomach that has been getting worse so they would most likely believe me. And since I have been on other crazy diet plans I don't think they would question the liquid diet too much!

I don't like to lie to my kids, but also am also worried about how this will affect their overall food/weight outlook. What have you told your kids, and how has your surgery affected them?

[swishbc 0]

My daughter is only 4 1/2, so the reasons I'm not telling her many details are kindof different from yours, but I totally understand where you're coming from.

Luckily for me, my sister just had hernia surgery about 6 weeks ago and we've going over to help with her 5 kids (2 of them are babies). My daughter has seen her "owies" which consist of 4 lap incisions that look almost like our will and she knows that my sister can't lift her kids up and we have to be gentle with her.

I just told her that I'm having surgery like Auntie did on my tummy and that I won't be able to pick her up but we can still snuggle and she'll have to hug me soft for a while. She's fine with that and gets it since we've been at my sisters lately.

Maybe you can tell them it's surgery for a hernia? The surgery scars are exactly the same, the only difference in my sisters hernia scars and mine will be my port scar being bigger.

Good luck!

[MissBS 3]

My granddaughter is 4 and I explained the whole surgery to her. I told her how Grandma was going to get a band put on her tummy that would help her eat healthier. I drew a picture of my pouch, the band, and my stomach. I showed her how when I eat, the food goes into my pouch and then slowly goes into my stomach. Later, she drew a picture of us together and she had my pouch, the band, and my stomach in the picture. She could even explain it to my daugher when she showed it to her later. I took it to my PCP (who sees a lot of band patients) and she keeps it in her office. Kids are pretty smart. She knows I want to be healthier and even helps me with eating right. Sometimes I think she is my mini doctor. I've noticed that she has started to make healthier choices too. She is a very bright 4 year old.... but that's what all the Grandmas say. You know your children best - do what you think is right. Good luck to you!!! Becky

[ThinknHealthy 0]

My daughter just turned 12 when I had my surgery. Keep in mind I am a single mom. It was important for me to make her a part of the procedure. She even went with me to the first seminar. She is very bright and has been an enormous help throughout the process. However, to take her mind off me going into surgery, I sent her to church camp that week and gave her a call after surgery to let her know it went okay. She wanted to see my stomach though as soon as she got back. That church camp timing worked out great. I did not want my daughter to think that she wasn't a part of this. All of my family and friends have been so supportive and I cannot imagine going through this process without their encouragement.

Kids are much more capable of handling situations like this than we think. If you explain that you would like to keep the details of the surgery between the family and that they should not discuss with their friends, you might be surprised that they will respect that. Remember that the surgery is just the start of the journey. You'll have a long way to go. The support of all of your family will be vital to your success.

[crzytchr 3]

My daughter is 17. She knows the pitfalls of dieting. My years of eating one meal a day as a teenager and into college led to my 75 lb weight gain when I was pregnant with her. When your body is used to living on 750-1000 calories per day and suddenly you eat 2000, you put on a LOT of weight. She loves food and does not diet, yet she is a healthy 125 and is very active. She fully supported my decision and sees what a wonderful impact this has had on my life and the life of my family. Isn't it amazing how a happier healthier mom can lead to a happier family?!

[Losing for me 0]

I will probably tell my daughter when I have it done. She is 5 yrs old and very wise. Also, she knows that Mommy is dieting and trying to be healthy.

[viprvenm 0]

My daughter is 3 (4 in June) and I have told her that Doctor Fox is going to help Daddy be able to have more fun with her. Daddy is "going to get smaller and healthier." We talk about it almost daily and she says that she will give me big hugs for being a good Daddy! Nothing like having support from EVERYone!!!

Jason

[Jachut 487]

Maybe its just me but I think being secretive about it has its pitfalls as well - like you're sending the message it is something to be ashamed of if your daughters find out.

And going on some extreme liquid diet is hardly modelling healthy eating behaviour - its being done for a surgical reason and personally I would be up front about it.

I think taking a positive step and getting your weight under control for once and all is healthy for children to see. I dont see why you should hide it. The best thing to do is never get fat in the first place, which none of us have managed, so I see taking a positive, decisive step and losing the weight as a lot better than them spending their adolescence seeing you on a round of failed fad diets.

There are so many influences on body image and esteem and you as a parent are only one of many. So be proud of what you're doing for yourself, making it obvious that excess weight has bad health implications is as important as letting them know they're loved no matter what their shape or size.

[talkalot1981 5]

Well I have 2 boys 4 and 8. My 4 year old will be 5 in August. Well I haven't told my 8 year old yet because I don't know really how to explain it to him. He acts very mature for his age. But I have said something to my 4 year old. All I told him was that the doctor was going to make mommy healthier and to not be so chubby. We don't use the word FAT in our house.. LOL He said "So you will get to play with me more" I almost cried. I said YES and then I said "Mommy will be skinnier too" He looked at me wierd and said he didn't want me to change. OHHH my baby, I actually did cry then. Of course, I grabbed him and hugged and started kissing him, then in a matter of fact tone he said " Mom quit it, I am not a baby" I had to laugh as he rolled his eyes at me and walked to him room. I am glad I talked to him about it. I will talk to my 8 year old tonight. You will be so suprised how much your children will understand. I don't like lying to my children, so what ever question they have I will answer it to the best of my ability. Jennifer