Falling apart

[AngelWhisper 0]

I feel like I need to talk to other banded people about my situation. Nobody seems to get it, even my mother who had gastric bypass. For starters, I lost my grandmother in December exactly a month before my surgery. She was my rock. I've had depression, anxiety, and social anxiety for years. I have one good and true friend that's very supportive. When I got the band for the first 3 weeks I thought it was the worst mistake of my life. I had so many problems. Now, I can eat whatever I want and I have one fill. I realize that's normal, but I can't seem to make the right choices. All I do is sit at home and eat crap. My mom yells about how I'm going to get fatter and shouldn't be able to eat bad stuff because I'll get "dumping syndrome". I've told her and the surgeon has told her this is NOT the case at all. A couple weeks ago, I fell on ice at the mall. I sprained the hell out of my knee. I can't do anything with that knee now and probably have to see a specialist. I have chronic open wounds in my skin folds that keep popping open and draining. So all the exercise I had planned on doing has gone out the window. I'm terrified to join a gym because people will see me and make fun of me. I've always felt like a failure, and now the band seems to be one more thing that's proving my point. I'm already getting the "shouldn't you have lost more by now?" comments. I'm definitely going back to therapy, I just don't know if I'm ever going to be able to deal with this.

[cwm812 11]

Hang in there, Stephanie. Things will get better. For now, just try to do one thing at a time. It's too overwhelming to try to get to do everything just right. I know the gym and exercise is important, but honestly, I lost the first 85 lbs without doing any. I'm not saying it's a great idea, but now I'm thinner and it is the right time for me. Second, and I know this is easier to say than do, don't worry about your mom. She isn't going to get this even though you (and the doctor!) told her and she's just worried about you. You just need to try to concentrate on you and eat better, not perfect, just a little better than yesterday. As soon as you get some more restriction, that is going to become much easier. You just need to hang in there a little while longer. You decided to get a great tool and it's going to work for you. Patience is the hardest part for all of us. I hope you feel better soon.

Cindy

[hakunamatata_ca 0]

Hi Stephane - I am not banded but getting sleeved sometime in near future. I do however know all too well about depression and staying in and eating crap all too well. CWM is right - one thing at a time. You did this for you not others and are going to feel amazing in the near future. Councelling is great to keep up - I go and even if it's to vent it helps. I would find out about your fill if it's due again or what? I'm sure no one here was always perfect with what they ate but start each day as a new one and even mild exercise at home until you get down abit helps mobility and strength a lot. Don't give in because I see all over this board the sucesses of everyone and it is good to read and post for motivation too. This will help your depression too. I really feel for you but I know you can do this one day at a time. Keep posting and reading. Look for some quick healthier ideas on food here too. Everyone here has a story that can help you in this journey. You are worth it!

[PrincesaJenE 0]

Angel, This may sound silly but I want you to go to a bookstore and find the book "Oh The Places You'll Go" by Dr. Suess. Yeah -Dr. Suess. Its a kids book - but it has a very adult message that I think is apropos for you at this time in your life. Read it! The first time I read it I got misty eyed. What you have to understand is that sometimes you just gotta suck it up! Its okay to be sad, its okay to be self conscious, it okay (sometimes) to make poor decisions - what is not okay is to relinquish control of your life to these other things. So people laugh at you at the gym? So what? So your mom is ignorant and naggy - tune her out or listen to her and know that she has no idea what she's talking about. As for excercise if your knee is hurt- exercise with your arms. You have options - you're just too focused on obstacles. You never mention in your post if you've even lost any weight. YOU have to be in control of your destiny - that doesn't mean you'll have the best control all the time. But you have to be responsible for yourself. You have to own whatever decisions you make and persevere through life's mishaps. Good luck! Hope you enjoy the read!

[stevegoad 32]

Honestly, it sounds like you are having a real case of depression... and l don't care how well the band work, until you deal with that, you are going to struggle.

I am not going to pretend to tell you how to get past that... there is not an on-line solution, and to an extent, trying to work it on-line would be worse, since you really need people to be with face to face.

I do understand well the loss of your grandmother (I have face several periods of time that I lost those who I have considered "my rock." In those times, it is easy to drop the ball, so to speak - it is even easy to sabotage your band (subconsiously thinking that you are not worth success without your support).

Find a counselor... someone you can speak to. Go to the gym. Believe me, there are people there who are worse off than you... And if there are people who will make fun of you... guess what... they are idiots who don't matter anyway.

But instead of turning to the cyber-world, get out into the real world.

[Libbyjane1976 1]

Awwww i'm sorry to hear about your loss. I know what it's like to lose a grand parent you were close to. My grandma died when I was 17 and she was the rock of our family and I was devastated. Just remember to cherish the time you had with her and know that she remains with you in spirit.

Now as for the other, you didn't come all this way, go through with the decision to get your lapband to fail. You came to succeed. Quit eating the crap food, throw it out, start buying healthier foods. At least if you are going to eat, eat something healthy!

Next with your knee being the way it is can you do any light walking? Or maybe like a stationary bike? Join curves if you are too embarassed to join a gym. I don't blame you for feeling that way. i too would not want some skinny ass aerobic chick staring at me either.

Do you have a friend who would workout with you? Maybe the 2 of you could figure out something. If you are totally unable to do anything until your knee heals at least make sure you eat healthier.

Good luck, things will start to change! You didn't come all this way for nothing!

[haroldrussi 0]

""I have chronic open wounds in my skin folds that keep popping open and draining."" My wife has this problem and we have found out that Anti Fungus powder (like foot powder or jock itch powder with AF) used twice a day after a good cleaning will clear it up in a day or so. She usually does not tell me the problem till it seems bad to me and I have to remind her and assist with the powder and cleaning. Can't help with the knee, good luck...

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Professional counseling will make a big difference. Something else that you may find helpful is to Google "chair exercises". There are exercises you can do while sitting down. Hand weights will help with upper body and you can buy resistance bands that you can use on your leg that isn't bothering you (and which you may have to use in physical therapy if the knee specialist sends you to PT). The light physical activity will help you feel better! And don't sit in the house all the time. You need Vitamin D and sunlight is the best source. Can't walk? At least go out side and sit in a comfy chair in the sunshine. And one more thing. Like Steve said, I too understand the grief of losing the one person you always knew you could count on for emotional support and unconditional love. My grandmother and my mother were that for me. When I lost my Mom, I went to a grief support group at church. Not every church offers that but some other places offer them to. Again, do an online search for "grief support group [name of your city]". You will find that what you are experiencing is not unique to you and you will learn from the experiences of others and, whether you think so or not, you will have something to offer them! And let us know how you're doing.

[WorkingMom 0]

Hi,

From your ticker, you have lost 45 lbs! Celebrate that! Not sure if your surgery was Jan 2009 or Jan 2008, either way, 45 lbs is a lot of weight!

You can do this!

It sounds like you are very anxious and could benefit from talking to someone. The pressure of thinking other people are wondering why you haven't lost more is a tough spot to be in ( I can relate, and that is why I told only my DH about my surgery).

I can only imagine that the injury to your knee and the issue with your skin folds is very tough to deal with, but don't use it as an excuse - You can do this!

You are doing it!

Make the decision to talk to someone, get a number, and make an appointment. Then make a promise to eliminate the foods that are tough for you to control - start one by one.

Keep us posted, we are here for you!

[AngelWhisper 0]

Thanks! I feel better actually seeing banded people's opinions. My mom and aunt had bypass so everyone is on my butt for not getting that. All I hear now is blah blah slow losing blah blah should've gotten bypass blah blah BLAH! My next fill is tomorrow and I was banded January this year, in my head I know 45 lbs is a great start but now that I've hit a plateau for the last few weeks everyone's on my butt. I think I'm just going to start telling people to mind their own business and I'll mind mine. We'll all be happier that way.

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

Steph, next time they get on you for "making the wrong choice", please point out that you made the choice that is right for you, not for them. If they press you, remind them that gastric bypass has a 10% chance of serious complications including malnutrition and death whereas lap band has a .01% chance of complications most of which are related to the anesthesia. And, oh yeah, tell them you didn't want to ever have to deal with dumping syndrome and that lap bad NEVER EVER has that as a complication. Relax, you made the right choice for you and that won't change.

[hallelujah.girl 1]

Angel,

I haven't been banded yet, but I know what it is like to deal with depression and get down on ourselves. It really is a mind thing. If you dwell on the negatives you will feel much more depressed than if you try to think positive. Part of being depressed in our attitude. I'm always like "life sucks and then you die" then I hear someone else's story and it is ten times worse than mine and they are all happy go lucky and I'm like "wow" how can they be so positive with all that is going on with them. It really is the power of positive thinking.

There was a reason you chose the band over bypass surgery. Remember what those are.

1. you will never have to worry about dumping.

2. this is a tool that can help you the rest of your life.

3. you may lose slower, but you will keep it off forever. Bypass patients can lose really quick for a year. Then they plateau, and even start gaining their weight back.(I have a friend who had bypass surgery lost tuns of weight really quickly looked great for about 2 years and now is slowly gaining her weight back. She is now looking into the lap band.)

4.The slower you lose the better your skin will look.

5. No malabsorption problems.

There are so many reasons you made the right decision don't let your mom get you down and focus on why you made the choice in the first place.

Life gets tough and it's easy to get down and off track, but just try to focus on the big picture and not just the here and now. Just take 1 day at I time. If you fall down, pick your self up, dust yourself off and try again.

I don't like working out in front of others either, so I usually just walk or work out to videos on tv. If you have cable there you may have an exercise on demand channel that have all types of different workouts, and don't cost anything.

40+ lbs since January is awesome, and it is gone forever. You will continue to lose, you will continue to succeed and you will start feeling great. Good luck on your journey!

Edited April 2, 2009 by hallelujah.girl

[sweetbean70 2]

Hi Stephanie. Plz don't feel like you are weak and/or a failure for seeking counseling about your feelings. The lifestyle change that comes from having the band is stressful enough let alone having to deal w/ unfeeling relatives. You could very well have a chemical imbalance that is contributing to your feelings. As for the loss of your grandmother, let her memory be your guiding light. It may sound silly, but I lost my grandmother whom I loved w/ all my heart. When I have a success, I swear I can hear my grandma cheering me on in my head. When I have a setback, I hear her telling me that she is proud of me and that I shouldn't give up on myself. Let he memory of your grandma be your Guardian Angel. Good luck!