Banded & The Single Life

[NYsLegend78 29]

Okay, I'm a single of mom of two boys. But I've got the single mom thing down. I've been holding it down at home going on 9 years.

My question is about going out on a date and being banded. lol When do you feel is the right time to tell this person you're banded?

I have no problem telling my friends or co-workers about my band. But if I were asked out to eat on a first date....it would be rather awkward knowing I wouldn't be able to finish even half the meal. Has anyone ran into this issue? And how did you handle it?

Thanks!

Why don't you and I go out to dinner and you can practice telling me ;0). Estas bella

[Caimenmom 0]

This is a personal choice. I personally would not tell until I felt totally confortable with a guy. It's really not anyones business what you do to improve yourself, this goes for any cosmetic procedure as well. Everyones comfort level is different. I would tell him BEFORE we became intimate just in case he has a problem with the scars or something else. I personally feel if I'm sharing my body with someone they better accept it, but that's not always the case. I wish you the best of luck and congratulations on your loss.

[Skylla 0]

Yeah, the whole "... I'll have a drink a bit later" thing is slightly annoying but I generally don't get pressed about it.

For me, I'm a 'don't, don't tell' type of gal by default so my band (my buddy Herby) is my business. If down the line I get questioned about my scars I'll say I had a procedure done. If the conversation goes further, maybe I'll disclose more info (depending on the type of relationship) but I personally don't think it's anyone's business.

However, if I end up in a situation where there's a potential for a serious relationship, then I'll mention 'Herby' if the topic comes up.

Skylla

[lakerdodgerchick 0]

I personally don't think its someone you've just started dating's business. If things start to get more serious then by all means feel free to tell but why tell them everything when you're just getting to know a person. I've got petite friends that remain petite because of how little they eat, men aren't going to be shocked that you eat small meals.

[Dune 2]

The posts here have got me thinking about the whole moral issue of telling the truth and telling lies. In modern culture from birth we are given mixed messages (you MUST tell the truth at all times, or Santa wont be coming down the chimney this year to give you lots of presents lol) which is why some of us, when we contemplate these situations in any sphere of our lives are not sure what we should do.

A microscope that only shows things 50x (I dont have a big appetite, I am a picky eater or some foods make me feel sick) is just as accurate as a microscope that shows things at 100x (I used to be obese and had a gastric band fitted to help me to lose weight so now when i eat yada yada yada) they are just showing things at different magnifications. Again, sometimes, when you look at something magnified 100x you are less likely to know what it is you are looking at than when you are looking at things focused 50x, sometimes giving too much detail can create confusion rather than clarity.

So, there would be nothing dishonest about not mentioning it. Infact, i do not see why you ever need to tell anyone if you didnt want to, unless somehow not knowing put them at risk/affected your relationship or you were in some sort of risk or needed their support.

Loving my microscope analogy, if i achieve nothing else in life i have this hahahahaha :rolleyes2:

Dune.

[barbie1978 22]

i think it's a completely personal choice. I have no problems talking about my band at all! That issue has not come up (havent' been on a date since being banded), but if it needed to be said, i'd just say it. I'm proud that I made the choice to do something to get healthy. And I can talk about it for hours

Now i'm NOT saying that if you dont' tell someone that you're ashamed of it. Not at all! I just feel that each person has to make that choice as they see fit. If you want it to be the first thing you tell someone, great! If you don't want to tell someone until you think...well let's be honest, until there might be some bedroom action when your scars will be visible, then that's your choice too LOL

Either way, you only need to tell someone when YOU feel it's necessary

[jeepygurl 3]

I was banded in Jan, single for a year due to a bad break up, but I agree with another post, I am working on me now, I work,go to school for another degree, family, friends, exercise, little to no time for dating..... if I did date I would pick coffee, tea or something where i dont have to eat due to a lot of band issues....just my 2 cents...

[LegalEagle2009 0]

I guess a follow up to this question is helpful, since things have changed significantly since my last posting. At last post, I had not dated yet. Now I've been dating up a storm! Realistically, it just seems that dates often involve a meal. So, let's assume your dates will, too.

I'm naturally someone who doesn't withhold information. I may not go into specifics, but at this point in the process (1 yr post-op, 75 + lbs lost), I'm so freaking proud of what I have accomplished, I discuss it fairly openly, depending on the amount of pre-date communication there is with the gentlemen in question.

For some dates, all I do is suggest a restaurant I know I have no difficulty eating in. Other times, I ask him for multiple suggestions, go check out their menu online in advance, and pick a place based on what I see as an option. I have occasionally told the gentlemen I have difficult with bread and/or I eat low carb, so I would prefer someplace that isn't serving sandwiches or if an Italian place, offers things other than Pasta. Because I am interested in men who likewise care about their bodies, what they eat, etc., I tend to mention that I have been on a long term weight loss plan and am still not at goal (50 lbs left to lose, ideally), so I would prefer to eat a low-fat/low carb/healthier meal. They are usually open to the same.

Because I am single, busy, and have no kids, I tend to eat out pretty frequently. I almost always bring home a doggie bag, so I have a meal left over. I have noticed when I eat out that I have the occasional midmeal blockage (too large a piece, not chewed enough, too dry, etc.) if I have a meal companion and I am trying to eat and talk at the same time. So, since a date is truly about getting to know someone, I use the "listening" moments, to be sure I cut my food up small enough to eat with no difficulty and or to chew thoughtfully. I love to talk, too (as may be obvious here), so if the conversation is good, I'm likely to eat very little anyway (sometimes I end up eating some of my meal later on). So, it seems less suspicious when I eat little or ask for a doggie bag. Plus, realistically, the restaurant industry ALWAYS makes the portions too big! I'm usually not the only one at the meal asking for the rest of it "to go". And it is pretty easy to comment when it arrives "Wow, so much food. I'll never be able to eat all of this!" without looking like one of those women who is a picky eater/diet freak/overly obsessed with weight. And again, no surprise when I ask for a doggie bag to take things home (and I always thank the date, if he pays, for the extra meal he has afforded me. :-)

The blockage issue mentioned above has been the most awkward thing I have had to deal with on a date or a business meal. Sometimes the blockage is minimal, and merely requires waiting a minute to let the food item work its way, uncomfortably, through the band. Then my acting skills come in as I am attempting to look engaged and listening to what my companion is saying, while mentally cringing in discomfort. Sometimes, the blockage needs a little help to make its way down the pipe...which requires a quick trip to the restroom. Occasionally, its getting up and walking that moves it along, but boy would it seem odd if I stood up to go to the bathroom, then just sat right back down. So I usually just croak out that I need to visit the ladies' room for a minute. The worst, and most painful, is the kind where I REALLY didn't chew the piece of food thoroughly enough (like a broccoli floret) and there is no way it can make its way down the band and I need to bring it back up. Again, in those instances, I croak out that I need to visit the ladies, then make my way as nonchalantly, but quickly to the restroom so I can take care of that issue.

Of course, except for a few first dates that resulted from online dating scenarios (which, a good first date is coffee/hot cocoa/tea, anyway), the majority of my dates have been with gentlemen I spoke to at length prior to our first meal date. So, they knew everything before we ever went to a meal. Similarly with friends and family. So when I have a momentary blockage, I make a face, they know what is up, and it's no biggie. Or we share a meal. Or they know I'm eating light and will be bringing home leftovers.

The truth is...unless you make it a big deal, most men I've gone out with, most people I've gone out with, don't pay that much attention to it. If you are casual about it and don't make the issue seem like a BIG DEAL ISSUE, they won't either.

Hope this helps, for whatever it was worth! :-)

Dana