Banded & The Single Life

[lat1nacurv3s 0]

Okay, I'm a single of mom of two boys. But I've got the single mom thing down. I've been holding it down at home going on 9 years.

My question is about going out on a date and being banded. lol When do you feel is the right time to tell this person you're banded?

I have no problem telling my friends or co-workers about my band. But if I were asked out to eat on a first date....it would be rather awkward knowing I wouldn't be able to finish even half the meal. Has anyone ran into this issue? And how did you handle it?

Thanks!

Edited March 31, 2009 by lat1nacurv3s

[lapbandtalker 0]

That's a good question. When I'm ready to hear about his prostate exams, ingrown toenails....

I guess that's when the relationship is ready for me to tell him about my dental fillings and lapband.

Since I'm old school, talking about issues like these aren't hot topics for the first date...or even second, third, etc.

Good luck!

[lat1nacurv3s 0]

You make a good point. I guess it would be a matter of need to know only. And on a first date it's not necessary, second or third either.

I'm such an open book though. But this I feel is more personal. Besides if he's really interested in me then he won't care about the band.

[Libbyjane1976 1]

Good question!!! Can't answer that because I haven't gone out on a date since I got banded back in January. I would say maybe a month or so into the relationship. Is there ever a good time?

[Scorpioqt 1]

me, personally wouldnt say anything...if you go to dinner theres nothing wrong w/just eating a little bit and saying you've been watching calories or saying nothing at all...lol. possibly do something else that doesnt involve food....movies, minature golf ect...

[Carriedaway78 0]

I have a boyfriend, but if I was single and dating right now, I guess I would wait until I felt the time was right. That would be after you get to know each other a bit and open up more to one another. Definitely not even within the first few dates, maybe not even the first 10 dates! lol

[YahniJo 0]

It's interesting to read other people's thoughts on this...I wondered about how to handle it after the surgery, too. Actually I was in a long term relationship at the time of surgery but then it disolved a few months later. I just recently started dating again and the first dates are usually dinner (easy atmosphere to have a conversation) and it always comes up why I don't eat bread, and why I eat so little. I have no qualms whatsoever telling them about my band on the first date. I'm not ashamed of it, I'm proud I did this for myself, so why wouldn't I share it? Every single one has been supportive of it...and of course have a few questions, which I don't mind either. :crying:

[Unforgettable 0]

For me, the reason I don't say anything isn't because I'm ashamed, but it's a personal issue. I've had over half a dozen other surgeries as well, and I'm not going to tell a man about them on the first date, so why would this be different?

I figure if we've had a few dates and it seems like there is potential there, then I will tell them. I would never NOT tell if it were getting serious, but I just don't see the need to tell after introducing myself. Im a shy person so it fits my personality.

Everyone has a different way of doing things, so just do what feels comfortable to you. Besides, if a guy doesn't want to see you again because of the surgery, was he really a keeper?

[Pixi 0]

i think i would prob wait till i knew the guy was really into me and there was potential for a LTR .i've regretted telling even some of my girl friends i was banded because now they all want to stare at me while i eat...to just wait and see what i do... I was recently banded and i am a single woman and one thing i always looked forward to was nice restaurants/dinners on dates! the band is def gonna take some fun outta that but i'm not complaining one bit.

[amaltha 2]

For me I tell them off the bat. Typically, we are eating dinner at a restaurant and they are staring at how much I take home in a doggie bag. I am the type of person who wears my heart on my sleeve if they can't handle who I am with or with out lappy the lap band then they probably are someone I shouldn't be dating anyway. Those are just my thoughts though...

[alyssaj 0]

Interesting comments. I think I would just order a smaller meal, or the main entree.

[JCulver3 2]

This has been a concern for me too. I have been on maybe two dates since my band. I am not really interested in dating a whole lot right now because I am very focused on my own health and the changes I am making within myself, but being young and single, dates are bound to pop up from time to time. The first date I went on I ordered a small meal and just made sure to take a lot of time to converse in between bites so I did not end up throwing up in the bathroom. The second date, I decided to make it so it was not focused around food, so I went for tea and a walk on the beach. I honestly would not have a problem letting somebody know on the first date if it came up, but I don't think it would be something I would just throw out there if the opportunity did not arise. I am not ashamed of it at all, I actually have gotten very comfortable talking about it with people. I think if I were to go on a date with anyone who half sparked my interest it would be something important for me to get out because it is such a big part of my life right now. Anyways, just sharing my thoughts on it.

[LegalEagle2009 0]

I am separated and have not yet gone out on a real date since my separation 2+ years ago. Hopefully that is going to change this year! :-)

I was just banded on Friday 4/16/10. I'm a ways away from this being an issue. But...

I think my suggestion is- why not suggest non-food oriented dates for a while? Why does every get together people have always involve food? I recently wondered this when my father came up here from out of state to be with me before, during and post surgery. Every single event involved food with him and my other family up here. Why is that?

Someone suggested that dinner is a god place to talk and get to know one another. Why couldn't something else be as well? Go to a museum. Or a bookstore. If you have dogs, go to the dog park. Go on a hike, a boat, or a bike ride (get exercise in too! LOL). Go bowling, or doing some other kind of sport that is friendly competition at the most. At the very least, meet for coffee/tea the first time. Or for Breakfast or lunch, where smaller meals are more common.

If going to a restaurant is still your preference with so many people doing low-carb this or that (men AND women), I think you could reasonably say you are on a low-carb diet, if he asks why you avoid bread or other carb choices. And if you take half the meal home (or more), perhaps you should suggest that, like most restaurants (here in America anyway), the restaurant you went to had overly large portions and you prefer to eat sensibly.

I'm not someone who keeps things to myself either, so I am more likely to share it early on than not. But...if you prefer to keep things to yourself, I think there are many ways to do so without rousing too much suspicion.

Good luck!

[AlienBandit 10]

I agree about maybe trying to do dates that don't involve much food.

Since being banded and losing a lot of weight I have gone on a few dates. Since I have gone mostly with the same guy I have had to come up with different things for us to do like hiking, going to museums/galleries, going for a wine and cheese sampling thing ( you dont have to eat the cheese and dont need to drink a lot of wine) the movies, etc.

Now that I have had the band removed for a while I have only recently started the eating out dates which is a nice change but you can definitely do dates without having the eat for awhile, at least until your comfortable telling the person about the band.

Even if your not going to tell the person, try eating at places were the food is very rich and therefore you only need to eat a little to get full even as a normal person. I did this once at an Indian restaurant and it was so easy to pass as normal.

[TheUrbanWasteland 0]

hmmmm I think I'd have more problem informing that I dont drink than telling about my lap-band!!

I love telling people & have found so many people are fascinated !

I havent dated with the band yet, but I believe I would tell them straight out... it's part of me & I'm passionate about everything I do including this.

Plus it a good way to truly judge character - watching a facial reaction tells me more than they can say :biggrin:

Rach.