Needing to weigh in some happiness post surgery

[thejasgirl70 0]

I had surgery on March 24th. Everything went well from what they say, it was my first surgery so I did not know what to expect. But my mom was diagnosed with ALS aka Lou Gehrigs disease 2 years ago, last month we had to finally hire hospice care. I quit my job to help take care of her full time, she took a turn for the worse a couple weeks ago and passed away on the 13th , 11 days before my surgery. I knew I couldnt cancel but there was so much happening. we held bedside vigil for 3 days and 3 nights before she passed. When she did pass my silblings both older then me did not want to give her a service, i live in oregon , we all did but my dad was buried in calif . so it was left to me alone to take my mom home to be buried with my dad, make all the arrangements fly down the 19th service the 20th and fly back home the 21st had surgery a couple days later. Its been non stop and now in my recovery period i feel lost for the first time having to settle down and stop running. I realize my mom is gone, i am grieving , i dont have my job that ive had the last 15 years. and now i am soooooo trying to start this new life on a positive note but it all brings pain inside and out now. I KNOW things will be good in the long run, i need this for my health....i just need to figure out how to stay positive while mourning and standing at this major crossroads in my life.

Well thanks for letting me babble on, any advice would be greatly appreciated......

Love Prayers and Cheers to the new life for us all, Kat

[Sue Magoo 71]

Kat:

You've been through so much. It's emotional for anybody after they're banded because they're grieving food. Now you're greiving food and your Mom. My heart goes out to you.

Try and remember that your Mom would want what is best for you. So, please take care of yourself. Probably for the first time in a long time, if ever, you need to put yourself first.

Try to do things that are good for Kat. Remember the activities that you enjoyed before your Mom got sick and do them. Listen to relaxing, calming music. Walk with headphones on and escape.

It's okay to cry. It's okay to slow down and not do something every minute of the day. I hope your life improves soon.

Take care.

Sue

[txspatter 0]

I am so sorry to read of all the events that have come your way in the past weeks! Just know that in the coming days, as you experience success with your surgery, the days will be brighter. Focus on you and take care of your needs..protein first...and watch the scale slip down. I was banded 16 days ago and I'm down 31 pounds. I lost 17 of those on the two week pre-op liquid phase. I can't describe the satisfaction of seeing a new me come out from all the fat that's been hangin' around for so many years. And, btw, your mom's cheering for you in a much brighter setting for her. I know she'll love watching the new you come out! Hang in there...time will help...

[ParrotheadCathy 0]

I recommend grief support or grief counseling. Sometimes, the funeral home can even refer you to some free grief counseling, and larger churches often have grief support groups. They will help you with the immediate loss. I've been where you are ... you have to be strong, handle it all, and then, suddenly, you're on your own and you have to cope. Counseling made all the difference for me.

[Lois Ruth 0]

Awww, Kat - major hugs going out to you. What a trauma for you to go through and right before major life changing surgery. It will take time to heal your wounds both physically and mentally. You have been through soooo much. Do you have faith? I'm not going to get into faith here but I do know that when I lost my dear son and dear sister whithin 6 weeks of each other, my faith is what got me through it.

Anyway, don't rush anything - let yourself grieve and let yourself heal physically. It will all come out for good later. As someone else said, it will all be worth it and your mom would want you to enjoy your new life. God bless. Lois

[YngGram 73]

:thumbup: Big old group hug to you hon.

I am so very sorry to hear of your loss. No matter how old we get, we want Mom in the tough times. Vent here when you need, you can PI me whenever, for whatever.

Take a deep breath and slow down. Try to rest as much as you can, probably not sleeping well; and a little run down. Follow your doc's instructions and take one day at a time. God is with you, so is your Mom have faith in yourself and your decisions.

[thejasgirl70 0]

Nite run you are so right, reading all the posts actually make me smile because i dont feel so alone in this,you all sound like you know me personally and that helps so much. Im not sleeping well you right ,mostly because of the tenderness in my bellly and i love to sleep on my side and i am a huge cuddler,, and so is hubby and we have had none of that since the surgery. every time he lays his arm on me it hurts and he feels so bad. You are soooooo right that every girl needs her mom in rough times. I myself have 4 sons so the estrogen in this house is just me....they love me but they are not so intuned to what i am feeling and dont really have the ability to say are you ok mom? and hear the true answer, they are not talkers lol. my sons are 22, 19 , 15 and 10. the older two are gone one lives in idaho with his wife and daughter and the other is in the army stationed in arizona and is not due home until july when he is set to deploy to iraq *gulp*.

Thank you thank you ladies for all your messages, it helps more than you know . And we are all post banded right?? today is day 6 for me and i started the dreaded shoulder pain last night.......thought i was having a heart attack at first and then a lighbulb went on and i had remembered hearing something about that here ,so i looked it up........thank God we have this as a resource . Keep in touch ladies and again thank you so very much =)

[bambam 0]

Kat -

I am sorry to hear about your mother. Bless your heart for taking care of her and for doing what needed to be done for her, even after she passed away.

I know how overwhelmed you must feel. My mother passed away Dec 10th and we buried her on what would have been her birthday. I was right in the middle of my workup for my lapband at that time, and of course holiday preparations. One thing that amazed me about it all was the strength we seem to find to do what we have to do, to get things done, and to carry on. While I had to postpone two appointments I kept things moving along and was in for my psych evaluation the next week (talk about being scared - I really wondered what that evaluation would show with that timing).

Don't expect too much of yourself at this time. If you don't have the energy or the want to do some things, don't. Give yourself time to heal and time to grieve. It's easier to keep things at bay when we are so busy and don't have time to stop and think, but once things slow down it can really hit.

I miss my mom terribly, but it has gotten better day by day. Some days really catch me off guard and the littlest thing that reminds me of her can have me crying. Then there are days when something happens and I think to myself, "I have to call Mom and tell her..." then I remember she's not there to call anymore. But I talk to her like crazy and can just picture her in Heaven laughing at me and my one-sided conversations I have with her. She had the best giggle in the world. I just keep reminding myself of how much she would have wanted for me to be healthier and to enjoy life more.

I'm just a message away if you want to talk. My heart goes out to you....no one can ever take the place of our mothers.

Hugs,

Barb

Edited March 30, 2009 by bambam

[DonnaLee 0]

Kat,

I had a very similar situation so you are not alone. My father became ill on Nov of last year but never did I think he was going to get sick to the point of hospice. I was scheduled for surgery on March 3 with my Upper gi scheduled for Feb 13th. On Feb 1 or so we started a bedside vigil with my dad and hospice. I had to cancel my upper gi on Feb 13 because my dad passed away on Feb 12th. I had to reschedule my surgery which I had on 3/24 and i am doing well. I know that empty feeling that you have since I was also so preoccupied with my dad. We will get through this and in the end we both will be better people. I will keep you in my prayers.

My friend keeps telling me there is no feel that tastes better than skinny feels. Lets see if she is right......