Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

I'm Not Telling Anyone I'm Being Banded.....



Recommended Posts

Wow, this is really a topic that hits home. I have only told my husband and my daughter. My daughter is loving and fabulous but, she doesn't agree that this is the path I should take. She is a college student in a pre med track and I think she is just being protective and worried about any surgery. She respects my decision and will be supportive of my decision. I wish I would not have told her.

I have a fabulous, loving and slim family. This is not there world. They wouldn't mean to be negative but weight issues are foreign to them and they would think this was too extreme. They also are used to me being "pleasantly Plump" and my sisters even make postive remarks about it to me. "Such a beautiful full face, Rubenesque, your lucky to be curvy, yada yada yada" They love me and i love them but this will be a big change. I tried to approach my brother in a casual way and asked him if he had heard about it. He said yes, scary huh....sad that there are ppl who would resort to that when all they have to do is get more active. I didn't go any farther in the conversation. However, he did call me the next day and ask if I was bringing it up for a reason.....I lied and said no. Since then he has called to offer to pay for a personal trainer and offered to pay for the cost of a weight loss program. Funny because I make a little more than he does. While I am touched and know this is a gesture of the heart and made in the spirit of a loving brother, I don't want this kind of pressure. So for now i am not telling a soul. I will use vacation for time off from work.

If this situation presents itself, I will share my situation if it could help someone else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am new here. I also did not tell a lot of people I was being banded for several reasons. I havent been "ashamed" of my weight so to speak but I am tired of being the white elephant in the room. I wanted to keep my personal life personal and only share wtih those that I knew would love me and support me without fail no matter how good I did. When I start to loose more (I was just banded 48 hours ago) and get to feel more comfortable in my skin, I am sure I will share my journey happily but for now I want to heal and re-birth in private.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I honestly thought about not telling anyone because I am so afraid of failing again that I thouhgt if no one knew then no one would know if I failed, but then again the more people that know the more support you have !!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You have to do what is right for you. And none of us here can tell you what that is.

I live with my parents so they know, and my husband knows. But that is it. I have PCOS so I am telling work that I have to have some cists removed. I just got my date for June 19th.

I have decided not to tell anyone for a lot of reasons. Knowing the way my family is, they will try to talk me out of it and be very critical about it because it's something they know nothing about. I know that the band isn't magic and will make me loose weight, I am going to have to work for it. But I don't want others thinking I took the easy way out and the only reason I was able to loose weight was because of the band. I want to feel like I did it and not have others make me feel otherwise, which I know they would try to do. Another reason, I don't want to talk about the band all the time. I don't want it to be the only thing people want to ask me about when I walk into the room. I want to talk about my career, my recent wedding, things like that.

Whatever your reason for not telling.....it's okay!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am in the not telling catagory also. DH of course knows and is 100% supportive. I won't tell my girls ages 9 and 13. They are used to my crazy diets, me taking pain meds for my horrible foot problems, and my having stomach issues that have me in the bathroom for hours so they won't suspect a thing! I am hoping I could schedule for the week they are both at camp, but if not then I will tell them I need to have some tests (like colonoscopy) done at the hospital. They know that anything with anesthesia, IV, needles etc puts me in bed for a week.

The one person that I will absolutely never tell is my mother. She is extremely judgmental of my weight, and is part of the emotional reason that I am where I am! She harps on me all the time about my weight. If she knew about this I would never hear the end of it.

The only people that know I am considering this are some very close friends. But I also have a lot of friends that I don't want to tell. Only one could be a bit sticky because we go out to lunch as most of our social get togethers. We are very close but she also has loose lips and I only told those that I know I can trust.

Not sure what to do about my inlaws. I love them dearly and they are extremely supportive of me. But this just feels like something so private I don't want to share, at least not now. We do spend time at their house for holidays and visits and my father in law is an incredible gourmet cook. But they also have experienced my diets and I have had to take my own food or make special requests in the past and they always accomodate me. Since this will be so similar to South Beach I will probably just tell them I doing that. If I am not eating very much at the time then I will just blame IBS. MIL has it also and totally understands. I would gues that I will tell them eventually. I am figuring I will just know when the time feels right.

Haven't decided on my sister. She is a pharmacist that wears about a size 2. She was actually a very chubby child but hasn't had any problems since she was a teen. We have an understanding of "don't tell mom", but I am not sure I want to put her in that position of keeping my secret from our mom.

I figure that I would rather be cautious and go slow with who I tell. I can always open up later. But once it is out you can't take it back.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My husband knows I have considered this, as does one of my sisters. No one, and I mean no one knows. I'll keep it that way as long as I can. I do have some nosey relatives that work at the hospital (thank god for HIPPA - they won't know I'm there) I'm hoping i can get this done while they're on vacation so it won't be a concern anyway.

I'm not ashamed of being banded. I don't want to hear the whining from my mother because she keeps failing to follow the doctor's orders to get her WLS. I'm tired of hearing her compare herself to me -that we're the same. I'm not the same as her. I didn't choose to get sick. Sure, I didn't make the best choices, but I certainly didn't choose to have that all land on my head. I'm just ready to be me again, and i can't do that how I am now. I'll have a short vacation from work and just have it done. If people ask and are genuine people, I'll tell them. I just don't feel that I need to volunteer the information - UNLESS I feel it can help someone else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am not telling anyone either. My husband and my mother know and that is it. I am fearful that people will offer unwanted advice or tell me how risky weightloss surgery is. I feel like it is a personal choice. My mom had gastric bypass several years ago and people still offer up weight loss surgery horror stories that they have heard from someone. Maybe after I have lost weight I will share my story, but i agree that I am not comfortable talking about my weight with anyone either.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Another in the not telling camp here. My husband knows and that is it. When my children are older I will tell them.

Thankfully, I'm on a whole different continent from everyone I know and will be for nearly two more years. By then I hope to be at my goal weight and certainly my eating will have normalized.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

In the beginning, I was so excited that I told several people. My family knows because I am getting financial help from everyone since I am self pay (my whole family is skinny, except for me and they all want to help).:smile:

I've stopped telling people though (most people think it's not going to happen because I don't have the finances) and only my family knows that I have the surgery date scheduled plus one close friend at work who is considering LBS. I haven't even told my Church family (which I am very close to).

What I struggle with is not telling my boss. I have made the surgery date for a day that I typically work from home (trust me, I work more than 50 hours per week at my job!). If I am not well enough to go back to work on Monday, I will have to call in sick. Of course, I hope and pray that there are no complications (my mom is just sure this is gonna happen, so it makes it hard to stay positive). I've decided that if there are problems, I will fess up to my boss (afterwards!). :blush:

But, judging how everyone else is doing, I expect to be ready to go on Monday, maybe just a little slower. :tongue:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've decided not to tell anyone at work. I lost a good deal of weight once before, and everyone made so many comments on it, but then once I started gaining the weight back again, it was silence.

I have a hard enough time dealing with compliments, so I really don't want people to know they should be looking for change! Eventually they'll probably notice, but in the meantime, I'll be able to go through my "adjustment" period without feeling like everyone's watching, just waiting to see the pounds disappear.

I'm still trying to come up with what excuse I'll use to take off sick time from work, though. I'd really like to take a week, but I guess it all depends on how good my excuse is... :-)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I am also not telling many about my upcoming surgery. My boyfriend and mom and a few very close friends know. Everyone else just thinks I am on a diet. I am not sure what I am going to tell people for the actual surgery, if it comes up... I was thinking gallbladder or something.

I have an 8 1/2 year old and I have NO idea what I am going to tell her. When she is older I will probably tell her, but for right now I don't want her to worry about mommy. She is also at the age where she repeats things to people, such as the other day when she told everyone at the dinner table when I went to dinner with a friend, his brother's family and his parents, "guess what! My mommy is on a diet and she lost.... Mommy, how much did you lose already?". She was so proud and trying to brag on me, but wow! I almost fell out of my chair! LOL.

Anyways, I totally get the whole not-telling thing. My main reason is not wanting the food police to watch me and for that to be the big topic of discussion, "can you eat that??" "what can you eat so we can schedule everything around you??" etc, like others have mentioned. It's no one's business and I wouldn't care if anyone thought I was a liar if I didn't tell anyone or I just played it off as gallbladder surgery. At least I'd be a thin/healthy liar!!!! :smile:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My choice was TELL NO ONE! What I do with & for my body & weight is my own business. Other people's opinions weren't my reasons not to reveal it. Part of my nature is one of self-containment & self-reliance. That figured into my decision.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm considering having the band done without telling anyone in my family. I've been open about it with local friends and my therapist but I just can't deal with my family. They are so judgemental and my sister lost weight through OA alone.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm so glad someone started this thread cos this is exactly my situataion. I live with my parents now so I had to wait till I move out to have the surgery. My tentative date in July 15th. I decided not to tell anyone because I just want to do this privately and perhaps if it works, I just might open up to them some years later. I had to tell one friend cos she's also getting banded and another friend cos he's going to look after me after the surgery. I'm strictly limiting it to these 2 people for now.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Its not an embarrassment issue, its a hassle and harassment issue, really. I don't want to be hassled all the time by size 2 people wondering if I can help them lose those last 2 lbs they've been dying over and I don't want to be harassed by people who think I'm being lazy. Did I make some poor choices that helped me get to where I am? You bet I did. Now I'm making a wise choice to get myself out of this situation. Someone who hasn't been in my situation can't really tell me what I need to do with my life and health. Its no different than me trying to tell my sister how to potty train her kid just because I'm great at housebreaking dogs.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Trending Products

  • Trending Topics

  • Recent Status Updates

    • vsg.with.sharon

      Hey everyone!
      I’m new here! Looking for some friends! 🥰
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • LeighaTR

      Four days post surgery. I am sipping as fast as I can and getting NO WHERE near the goal of 60 - 80 grams of protein or the 64 oz of liquids. I just feel FULL. I don't know if it can still be the gas build up (I would think by now that would be gone) but it is a struggle to drink. And so far I have not had the nausea or spasms and don't want to wander into that territory by pushing too hard with liquids. I about passed out today as it was my most "strenuous" day. Went from second story to basement for shower and I was sure I was going to pass out. Looking back on my last few days I have had a total of less than 1000 calories. Am I just not getting enough nourishment in me? Once again a friday where I can't get ahold of the doc until Monday rolls back around so I am hoping maybe someone here has some experience on how to keep energy going. I do have fibromyalgia too and that may be where some added fatigue comes into play. How did you all fair with the goals the week after surgery?
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      2 days until I fly out to San Diego to have my Bypass Surg. in Tiajuana Mexico. Not gonna lie, the nerves are starting to surface. I don't fear the surgery itself, or the fact that I'm traveling alone, but its the aftermath that I'm stressing about the most, after this 8 week wait. I'm excited to finally be here, but I am really dreading the post surgical chapter. I know its going to be tough, real tough and I think I'm just in my head to much now that the day i here. Wish me luck, Hopefully I'm one of the lucky ones, and everything goes smoothly. Cant wait to give an exciting update,. If there is anyone else have a June bypass or even a recent one, Id love to have someone to compare war stories with. Also, anyone near San Antonio Tx? See ya soon with the future me. 💜
      · 3 replies
      1. Phil Penn

        Good Luck this procedure is well worth it I am down to 249.6 lb please continue with the process..

      2. Selina333

        I'm in Houston so kind of near you and had the sleeve in Dec. Down 61 lbs. Feeling better. Was definitely worth it. I hope the everything is going well for you. Update us when you can!

      3. Doughgurl

        I am back home after my bypass surgery in Tiajuana. I'm post op day 4. Everything went great! I guess I'm one of the lucky ones who have not encountered much pain at all, no nausea thus far and I'm having no problem keeping down broths and water. Thank you for your well wishes. I cant wait to keep up this journey and have a chance at better health and simply better quality of life. I know there will be bumps in the road ahead, and everything won't be peaches and cream, but at least I have a great start so far. 😍

    • LeighaTR

      I am new here today... and only two weeks out from my sleeve surgery on the 23rd. I am amazed I have kept my calories down to 467 today so far... that leaves me almost 750 left for dinner and maybe a snack. This is going to be tough for two weeks... but I have to believe I can do it!
      · 0 replies
      1. This update has no replies.
    • Doughgurl

      Hey everyone. I'm new here so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 53y/o and am scheduled for Gastric Bypass on June 25th, 2025. I'm located in San Antonio, Texas. I will be having my surgery in Tiajuana Mexico. I've wanted this for years, but I always had insurance where bariatric procedures were excluded. Finally I am able to afford to pay out of pocket.  I can't wait to get started, and I hope I'm prepared for the initial period of "hell". I know what I have signed up for, but I'm sure the good to come will out way the temporary period of discomfort and feelings of regret. I'd love to find people to talk to who have been through the same procedure or experience before. So I look forward to meeting you all. Hope you have a great week!
      · 2 replies
      1. Selina333

        I'm so happy for you! You are about to change your life. I was so glad to get the sleeve done in Dec. I didn't have feelings of regret overall. And I'm down almost 60 lbs. I do feel a little sad at restaurants. I can barely eat half a kid's meal. I get adults meals often because kid ones don't have the same offerings at times. Then I feel obligated to eat on that until it's gone and that can be days. So the restaurant thing isn't great for me. All the rest is fine by me! I love feeling full with very little. I do wish I could drink when eating. And will sip at the end. Just a strong habit to stop. But I'm working on it! You will do fine! Just keep focused on your desire to be different. Not better or worse. But different. I am happy both ways but my low back doesn't like me that heavy. So I listened (also my feet!). LOL! Update us on your journey! I'm not far from you. I'm in Houston. Good luck and I hope it all goes smoothly! Would love to see pics of the town you go to for this. I've never been there. Neat you will be traveling for this! Enjoy the journey. Take it one day at a time. Sometimes a few hours at a time. Follow all recommendations as best you can. 💗

      2. Doughgurl

        Thank you so much for your well wishes. I am hoping that everything goes easy for me as well. We don't eat out much as it is, so it wont be too bad in that department. Thankfully. Also, I hear you regarding your back and feet!! I'd like to add knees to the list. Killing me as we speak! I'm only 5' so the weight has to go. Too short to carry all this weight. Menopause really did a doosey on me. (😶lol) My daughter also lives in Houston. with her Husband and my 5 grand-littles. I grew up in Beaumont, so I know Houston well, I will be sure to keep in touch and update you on my journey. I may need some advice in the future, or just motivation. Thank You so much for reaching out, I was hoping to connect with someone in the community. I really appreciate it. 💜

  • Recent Topics

  • Hot Products

  • Sign Up For
    Our Newsletter

    Follow us for the latest news
    and special product offers!
  • Together, we have lost...
      lbs

    PatchAid Vitamin Patches

    ×