Post-Goal Weight Anxiety.

[jukebox81782 0]

Hello... I'm 26 years old, 5'8", and weigh 380 pounds. I've been heavy ALL MY LIFE. I've always been told by everyone I meet that I'm facially beautiful. I've always had friends, always had a huge social life, and was always happy. I decided to get a lapband because I need to lose weight to be a more healthy person and live a more active life...the older I've gotten the more out of shape I've become since my days as a fastpitch softball player. I also want to lose weight to just see what life would be like as a thin person. How would my body look? How would my face change? Would my love life improve (PLEASE GOD YES!).

At any rate, my mother--who was also overweight and struggling with diabetes--had the gastric bypass two years ago and has had tremendous success. She got me interested in the lapband.

Ever since I started pursuing the lapband, I've become more and more depressed. I really realize now how fat I am. I see myself so much differently now. I see myself as disgusting when I used to not think I looked that bad. I'm also starting to experience a lot of stress related to the aftermath of weightloss. I keep thinking I'm going to have so much excess skin that I'm going to look horrible...I say to myself, "you may as well just stay fat!"

Did anyone else out there have these thoughts, fears, or questions? How were they dealt with? I'm not going to stop my journey toward banding--I'll get mine in late April/early May, but I just feel like I'm making myself sick with anxiety about looking worse post-goal. What should I do?

[kaitlynmarie93 0]

hi, I have not been banded yet but I have the same exact fears. Yes losing all that weight would be awsome but I don't want to look like a deflated blimp. I really want this surgery but I an too getting more depressed the closer I get. I know you can get a Tummy Tuck to take care of skin but that's alot of surgery and I know my areas that will have the most saggy skin are my thighs and upper arms. I want to be thin but I'm also really scared that I'll look worse after the weight loss. So really I don't know who all has delt with this problem but just know that you are alone. I hope yuo find your answers. GOOD LUCK with your journey.

[Bethanyblondie 0]

Hi there. I'm a couple of days away from my last doctor's appointment that will complete my six months of supervised dieting that my insurance requires before I can submit my stuff for approval.

Believe me, I've had all the same fears and anxieties. I was NOT overweight in high school, but put on a ton of weight after my dad died of a brain tumor when i was twenty. My wonderful husband has literally been with me through "thick and thin" because he met me when I was fifteen and a hundred pounds lighter than I am now.

I went to see a psychologist back in June for my mental health check (another requirement of insurance), and I decided to keep going even though I didn't really have to. I've really grown a lot in the last ten months since I've started this lapband process and I am still determined that it is the right thing for me to do. I sometimes do feel like "damaged goods" since even when I lose weight I'm going to still have the stretch marks and possible saggy skin. But I have to decide what is worse...being 100 pounds overweight and feeling unhealthy and tired, or having a few stretch marks and maybe a little bit of saggy skin that probably no one will really notice? And my husband is supportive of me getting plastic surgery if necessary once I reach my goal weight.

Don't know if you ever watch the Biggest Loser or not, but they sure have shown that you can lose a ton of weight and come out looking pretty darn good without plastic surgery. Granted, we won't be working out eight hours a day with a celebrity trainer, but working out and lifting weights will be the key to tightening up the skin as we lose the weight.

I know I won't be a supermodel at the end of this. And honestly, that's okay with me. I just want to be "normal." I want to be able to bend over without feeling this big stomach in the way...or cross my legs comfortably...not shop in the plus size section anymore...not carry around the weight of two people...and to be healthy and a good example for my little daughter. That's what is really important. And I've learned this year that I really like who I am. I have great friends and family around me and I have realistic expectations of this lapband process. This is the right thing to do! Hope this helps a little!:frown:

[jukebox81782 0]

Bethany--

Thank you so much! This is a great response! I, like you, feel very confident that this is the best way to go about losing weight, and I have already joined a gym and begun working with a personal trainer who understands that I'm having this surgery. He is going to work with me post-op to ensure the best workout routine possible to keep skin elasticity and muscle mass while losing the weight.

I guess I'm just freaking out because I've seen how my mothers skin looks, and I know that she's twenty years older than I am and wasn't ever athletic, but I just fear that I will look like a deflated balloon. It's like...right now, the fat keeps me from getting into a serious physical relationship with a guy. I don't want to have lose skin keep me from enjoying relationships with men once I'm happy with my general appearance. It's just SO much to wrap your mind around, you know? Well...I'm sure you know. :frown:

I wish you good luck. Let's keep in touch while we're going through our weight-loss journey! I think we'll be getting banded around the same time.

Thanks for responding!

And Kaitlyn--thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. If I learn anything that helps ease the anxiety...like any workout tips or lotions to use for skin elasticity, I'll let you know. <3

[Manatee 4]

There's an old proverb -- "Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow."

The fears you are feeling are perhaps well-grounded, but at this point you simply cannot know what the eventual results may be. You are young enough that you may snap back, or it may be that you will require surgeries.

Whatever the case, deal with it as it comes. Worrying about it now only causes you stress and pain, and it's stress and pain that you may never need to face.

[brittneylee 0]

I am 20 yrs old and i seriously had the same feelings as you are having now. I was active all of my life. I played fastpitch softball for 10 yrs, and once i graduated high school i ballooned to 291 lbs. I was mortified with how i let myself get the way i was. BUT I had a turning point. I thought to myself it didnt matter what my weight was before. I was overweight, yes absolutely. But with Lap Band I dont have to be overweight anymore. I was also scared about the excess skin when I am done loosing weight. The way I think about it is if I want the extra skin gone, it can literally be gone in 1 day. It will take me lets say 2 yrs to get all of the excess skin, but it will take 1 day for it to be gone. There are so many different emotions I can imagine you are going through right now. I went through them. I have to say though getting the lap band was the best decision I have ever made. By having the band I will be able to live a normal, more fulfilling life. And in all honesty, the feelings of being unsure or scared, or whatever you are feeling right now will go away once you step on the scale and see the weight that you are loosing! I wish you the best of luck in the journey you are about to embark on! :frown:

[flirtylass 0]

Hey i was banded in sept im 25 iv lost 5st 5lbs so far and yes my belly is wrinkly and saggy my boobs arms and thighs even though i never thought my thighs would be cos i carried litttle or no weight on them but my way of lookin at it is when i was overweight i never showed off my body not even my arms so i can hide it a little longer i want to lose 3stone more then il get nipped and tucked cos in my opinion id rather be thin and have a few scars than fat and feel horrible and after all once ur thin no one cares it seems to be once ur overweight people have opinions about u so please dont worry bout the skin issue it can be fixed if it needs to be

[jukebox81782 0]

You are so right about that! A fat person could be the most beautiful person--inside and out--but because they are fat, they are considered an untouchable or something. A thin person, however, who has all sorts of body issues (but fat layers under his/her skin) is perfectly accepted by society for the most part. :rolleyes2:

[ThinWithin 0]

Jessica,

I am 5' 8 1/2" and weigh 314 (started at 327) and struggle with some of what you are dealing with. I have never felt badly about my body. I am of the opinion that everybody has 'fat' days and I am no exception but I dont think of myself as less than or unworthy because I am overweight. I have people in my life that never EVER make me feel bad about myself. My panic is that i LIKE what I look like. What if I lose this weight and I dont look like me anymore? I expect extra skin...I'll deal w/that when I get there. I agree w/the concept you dont need to borrow tomorrows troubles. I have to make myself stop wondering about the what if.

heck, sometimes i have to keep myself in the very moment I am in because to think ahead a day, a week, a month is just beyond what I'm capable of dealing with.

*let me clarify* i dont like that i am fat, i am very happy that by losing weight i will not only be getting healthier but actually getting smaller too. oh crap, i dont think there is any fixing this post unless i just let you all crawl in my head lol hopefully i make some sense if not i thank you for enduring my pointless babbling. :rolleyes2:

Edited March 24, 2009 by ThinWithin
attempt to clarify....don't think it was successful lol

[jukebox81782 0]

ThinWithin,

I competely understand what you mean. It's not that I enjoy being fat--I don't. In fact, I really hate it. It's just that being fat is all I know. It's like... what's it going to be like to be able to put shoes and socks on sitting down? what's it going to be like to be able to sit on the ground indian-style? what's it going to be like to put on jeans without having to suck in so much or use a friggen pair of nail clippers to get the zipper up? what's my face going to look like without all this extra fat hanging from the chin? are my cheeks going to be as puffy-cute? what's it going to be like to walk into a room and know that people are looking at me because i'm gorgeous instead of fat? what's it going to be like to be in a relationship with a guy and not constantly wonder why he's even with me? it's like... i'm entering a completely new world without any of the walls i've been able to build so securely because of my fat.

all i can do is hope that the person i've become because of my weight--the funny, friendly, not really happy but can sure as hell pretend person--i just hope she doesn't change too much because i feel like she will. and sometimes i don't feel like i'll like her all that much. :rolleyes2:

[ThinWithin 0]

i feel like right now i've enjoyed the ride. but it's been the build up. the cranking along the track and it's been fun but now i'm at the point where the rollercoaster stops at the top before it starts to really fly. you know through the loops and the twists. As I count down the days to my surgery it's sometimes w/butterflies in my stomach because i'm excited and others with a nervous anticipation. I'm excited to learn all those things. what it feels like to slide into a pair of jeans instead of negotiating my way into them. what it feels like to sit on the ground and not know that I'll have to crawl up instead of stand on my own. I am nervous that people who I've known for years will treat me differently and that will lower my opinion of them. I am glad that this place exists that somebody has gone before me to show me the way and then i'll pass it along and help somebody else.

[hannahj914 0]

Jess when your younger and you lose a huge amount a weight like i do which is 173lbs ..really fast it tends to sag but slowly with working-out you should be find.. You might not have any boobs .. I don't have any now so i think its okay in my case..and about being depressed about losing the weight i feel the same way as you people say that i am pretty now i wont look right if i lose the weight sometime i do feel like i am pretty but my life would be so much better if smaller:blush: i would dress better wanna go out more and be more outgoing even tho i am the nicest person and be healthy i know but trust me you not the only one

[kaner 0]

Bring it on ladies! I'm right there with you. I am on day 6 of the liquid diet and 9 days before my surgery on April 1st. I've had these same concerns/fears about sagging skin and wondering how I will function as a new, thin me. I won't be invisible anymore in many ways, even though I have a "great personality" and all that jazz. I'm going to have to break some social habits when it comes to putting myself out there for potential men in my life. But, as you have all mentioned ... I'm ready. I feel it. I wanna get started now! So ... keep up the high spirits and let's enjoy the ride!

[jukebox81782 0]

It is great to know that there are so many women (and men!) going through the same things I am. I'm ready for this. I really am. I just wish I could say, "I'm doing it. This is the date, and it's not gonna change!" It seems like my mind keeps telling me to GO GO GO! one minute. Then, it's NO NO NO! the next. I dunno... <3

[TxMomof4 0]

Jessica,

i am right there with you, but the one difference is that I am 42 years old. Be thankful that you have youth on your side! My biggest concern is my thighs. Even when I was "thin" I had thunder thighs, lol. Anyway, I have a good feeling that you will do great, just make sure you drink your Water. This helps.

I am not sure of my exact date yet, but I see my surgeon on Friday!! I am sooo stoked. Hopefully we will nail down a date.

My biggest reward will be not to be the biggest person at a party or dinner. I have always felt ashamed in these situations, like I am an embarrassment to my husband. There are alot of social functions that we attend, I want to be his "trophey wife"! I want to feel as sexy on the outside as I do on the inside!!

Well, keep us posted as to how you are doing, I want to be there for you!

D:rolleyes2: