Rude and Inconsiderate

[orrn 0]

For all the new pre-band people, be prepared for rude and inconsiderate comments. I went for my pre-anesthesia appt and the lady asked me "are you sure you want this? You don't look like you need it!" I was devistated! :thumbup:(My heart was crushed!) I looked her in the eyes and said "Yes, I have worked really hard to get to where I'm at." She said how much wait have you lost? I said I started at 247 and now 221.6. She said that's the hardest thing is just loosing the weight! I told her "No", for me it's keeping it off! I could clearly see that just because she was in the medical field, she did not know anything about obesity! I knew that me being on a liquid diet for 10 days, I could have done some damage to her :angry:thats how mad I got! But thinking about it know I can use this incident to educate us (wls). Be prepared and remember why you are doing this. To live healthy and long. God Bless :smile:

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Sorry that upset you. From what it sounds like, she was just trying to be nice (even if she wasn't good at it). Everyone has been and is great to me about the band, never an inappropriate comment!

[Tren 0]

Orrn,

I am so sorry to hear that. There is NO excuse. It really is "ironic" that there are so many laws against discrimination, however no thought is ever given to people like us who get made fun of, or subjected to rude and/or thoughtless comments daily. Yesterday I was minding my own business and a guy walked by and yelled "Hey, what's up big guy". I know he was not speeking ill, but it still embarrassed me. KEEP YOUR CHIN UP and remember why you are doing this. We are all here for ya! Tren

[lpglarry 1]

are u glad u did it now, i/m reading some coments and they said they are going remove the bnd and get a sleeve?i.m going april 22 for 2nd meeting what do u suggest?ty larry

[RestlessMonkey 7]

are u glad u did it now, i/m reading some coments and they said they are going remove the bnd and get a sleeve?i.m going april 22 for 2nd meeting what do u suggest?ty larry

Are you asking if we're glad we GOT the band, or are glad we're GETTING the band? And who are you asking, if you don't mind saying?

[bellatrickz 0]

Yesterday, i went in to my dr.s office to schedule my surgery day..As I walked in i told the Staff assistant " I'm soooo happy to be here doing this", she then responded "I 've been doing it so much that she cannot be happy anymore(This was the staff assistantwho was doing my final appointment before surgery). At first, I wanted to say something but then I said to myself she will not disrupt my peace. Yes, there is a lot of people full of their own comments and opinions. We just need to continue to be strong.

[KMCD 0]

As a nurse (and a professor who teaches nursing students), I have to say something here. First of all, you do not ever have to take rude behavior from a health care provider (nurse, doctor, nurse aide...).

I tell my patients, that if they feel they are not getting the attention they need or are being treated rudely to speak up! You can talk to the charge nurse. It may be that this person is new (which excuses nothing) and needs remediation to learn that questioning a patient in such a way is wrong.

If I were that nurses supervisor (or professor) they would have received a good talking to. It does sound like they were just trying to be nice and supportive. However, I am with you, I do not feel the need to justify my decision with every one on the planet. It was hard enough to come this point. I don't need their opinion on top of it.

Speaking up is important though. If she/he doesn't know that what they said was wrong, they will never learn and will do it to someone else. I know it's hard to do when you are in a more vulnerable position, but once you do it, you'll find yourself speaking up more often. You can do this in a kind and compassionate way (unlike the way in which you were approached). I instruct my patients to simply ask (kindly) to speak to the charge nurse. If your needs are not met with the charge nurse, move on up the chain. Hospitals are (for the most part) very patient centered. After all, you are the customer. Your service keeps them in their jobs.

I have already encountered two people telling me that I am too small for the surgery and that I am out of my head crazy. WHATEVER! Walk a mile in my shoes! Also, the nutritionist kept saying that I was probably one of the smaller folks to have this surgery. Again, WHATEVER! His little skinny hiney doesn't have to worry about gulping down that Big Mac and Fries after I have a bad day at work and then not being able to zip up my "fat" jeans the next day. Nor does he have to listen to his daughter explain her pictures of me to me: "Mommy, I had to make you a little rounder because your tummy is round like a baby is in it, but you aren't pregnant."

Sorry to rant, just wanted to make a point. You do what you need to do and tell all the others to stuff it!

[FrankieJ 0]

Hi KMCD,

Looks you are about to have your surgery - congrats! I am just starting to consider getting banded, went to my first informational meeting today and meeting with the doctor next week. In talking with others, I too have gotten the "but you're not big enough for that", but I meet the criteria and need to make some serious changes. I'm only 5'2" and pushing 195. I also have high cholesterol that I need to get under control.

[wstorms 2]

Before I scheduled my surgery I went to see my Primary Care Physician. I wanted to have my thyroid checked and wanted to make sure I was medically OK for surgery. As soon as he told me the results of my lab work he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Have you even tried dieting?" in the most condescending tone you have ever heard! I looked at him in shear disbelief and then told him, "Yes, I have tried every diet from Atkins to Weight Watchers!" He then wanted to know what kind of pills I had tried taking to lose weight. BOTH of these questions were EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE to me!!! He then proceeded to tell me that what I was wanting to get was called Bariatric Surgery.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, " I KNOW exactly what this type of surgery is, I have been researching it for years!! In the past I have only been able to lose 50 lbs on my own and always gained it plus more back, and you can look at me and look at my chart and you can see I need to lose a lot more than 50 lbs!!!"

After I stood up for myself, he started being a little more helpful. As long as he has been my PCP (7 years) I have been considered morbidly obese, so for him to ask me the questions he did was just uncalled for, and frankly a little stupid on his part!

So needless to say, he is no longer my PCP!!! I have taken my business, and my money, elsewhere!!

[KMCD 0]

Before I scheduled my surgery I went to see my Primary Care Physician. I wanted to have my thyroid checked and wanted to make sure I was medically OK for surgery. As soon as he told me the results of my lab work he looked me straight in the eye and said, "Have you even tried dieting?" in the most condescending tone you have ever heard! I looked at him in shear disbelief and then told him, "Yes, I have tried every diet from Atkins to Weight Watchers!" He then wanted to know what kind of pills I had tried taking to lose weight. BOTH of these questions were EXTREMELY OFFENSIVE to me!!! He then proceeded to tell me that what I was wanting to get was called Bariatric Surgery.

I looked him straight in the eye and said, " I KNOW exactly what this type of surgery is, I have been researching it for years!! In the past I have only been able to lose 50 lbs on my own and always gained it plus more back, and you can look at me and look at my chart and you can see I need to lose a lot more than 50 lbs!!!"

After I stood up for myself, he started being a little more helpful. As long as he has been my PCP (7 years) I have been considered morbidly obese, so for him to ask me the questions he did was just uncalled for, and frankly a little stupid on his part!

So needless to say, he is no longer my PCP!!! I have taken my business, and my money, elsewhere!!

Now that's what I'm talking about!!! You weren't being rude (even though he was), just standin' up for yourself. They need to know. I bet you changed the way he talked to his other patients (I hope)...I went to my PCP for the preop tests. He stuck his head in and said he was proud of me for making the decision. He struggles with weight too and we've talked about it for a while. He wished me good luck and told me to call him if I needed anything. We talked about meds in the past, but he didn't even bring it up again. Good doc, I'll go back because of that...

FrankieJ - congrats on your first steps. I have been considering this for years and I have been right where you are just a little while ago. This is a great site to get all your questions answered and get support for issues just like this! Good luck and I'm hoping to put out a post with a surgery date next Friday!!!

[susan1961 0]

Before and shortly after surgery I had numerous people (including some of the folks who took care of me post-op suggest or say outright that I didn't look heavy enough to need the surgery. Frankly, I took it as a compliment- I pride myself on being fit (despite being overweight), having great posture, and dressing well, all of which cause folks to underestimate my weight. I'm surprised folks have been so offended by similar comments.

[wstorms 2]

Now that's what I'm talking about!!! You weren't being rude (even though he was), just standin' up for yourself. They need to know. I bet you changed the way he talked to his other patients (I hope)...I went to my PCP for the preop tests. He stuck his head in and said he was proud of me for making the decision. He struggles with weight too and we've talked about it for a while. He wished me good luck and told me to call him if I needed anything. We talked about meds in the past, but he didn't even bring it up again. Good doc, I'll go back because of that...

The ironic thing for me is that I also see a cardiologist once a year, I have an irregular heart beat that they monitor. I have been talking with her for about two year about the surgery, and she was completely for it. She even said, that with my age, activity level, and weight that if she were me she would do it in a heart beat. So my PCP was a jerk about it and my Cardiologist was all for it....Go figure :frown:.

So I kept my supportive Cardiologist, and dumped my unsupportive PCP .

[Big Momma is Shrinking 0]

Before and shortly after surgery I had numerous people (including some of the folks who took care of me post-op suggest or say outright that I didn't look heavy enough to need the surgery. Frankly, I took it as a compliment- I pride myself on being fit (despite being overweight), having great posture, and dressing well, all of which cause folks to underestimate my weight. I'm surprised folks have been so offended by similar comments.

I have to second you on this one....

I have had a number of ppl tell me that I don't look like I "need" surgery or when I tell them I'm having a band they say "for what you look great."

I take care of myself and try to make the best of what I have. I'm extremely fortunet that I have always carried my weight really well. I even have a friend who's seen me butt naked and told me she thought I was almost 50 lbs less then what I really am!!

It's FAR LESS about how I LOOK...this is all about how I FEEL...and I'm sick and tired of being 34 y/o and feeling like a 64y/o, every joint from the waist down hurts constantly and it's time to do something about it...that's just the bottom line for me!!

But I have to admit, it does amaze me how stupid and rude some ppl can be. I once had an obgyn tell me "you would be really pretty if you lost some weight" needless to say he didn't remain my obgyn!!!

Hold your head up high, you don't have to explain nor defend yourself to anyone.

[Bethanyblondie 0]

I totally understand how you all feel! I have had several of my friends say, "But you aren't big enough to get that surgery, are you?" And then I feel forced to tell them my weight, so they can understand I really have a LOT to lose. OR, I'll get the questions that elude that I am trying to take "the easy way out" by getting WLS, which really ticks me off since I know, especially after all I've read and researched, that I will still have my work cut out for me to lose all my weight. Getting the lap band does not suddenly make it easier to get up at 5 a.m. to go work out, and it does not keep you from eating all the foods you shouldn't. I am still going to have to work hard...but it's a tool to help me that I just don't think I can succeed without now. Controlling portion sizes will be a HUGE help for me...since I can eat as much as my husband who is 6'4!

People just don't understand and aren't very sympathetic when they haven't been really overweight. My sister once said, "I just don't understand why you can't cut back on calories and exercise more like the rest of us have to." I explained to her that when you have a huge appetite you can only fight against that for so long before you're going to give up. She said she didn't realize I had such a big appetite...so that seemed to help.

I don't expect everyone to understand or be supportive of me getting the lapband, but my husband is very very supportive and I plan on making it work for me...so that's really all that matters in the long run. People will make their stupid comments and we'll just know we are better people than that!

[KMCD 0]

Before and shortly after surgery I had numerous people (including some of the folks who took care of me post-op suggest or say outright that I didn't look heavy enough to need the surgery. Frankly, I took it as a compliment- I pride myself on being fit (despite being overweight), having great posture, and dressing well, all of which cause folks to underestimate my weight. I'm surprised folks have been so offended by similar comments.

Okay, so I simmered on this for a couple of days and I completely see your point. I have completed triathlons in this body and I work hard to dress well. I had someone today say that I "hide it well." And no, I am not telling everyone on the planet that I'm having this done. There are times when I do feel like its a compliment. But its entirely different when a medical professional, who is doing your preop work questions you as if you haven't considered it enough.

I don't want to be inflammatory and I'm sorry if I misread your post, but saying that you don't know why we are offended is unfair. This is a place for us to vent and talk about our feelings. If you are okay with people talking to you that way, then why read it and why bother posting? :rolleyes2: