What would you do?

[NJChick 3]

Your opinion please.......

I have a new boss, he's been here since November of last year. He was in the military 23 years, very structered, very disciplined. He is handsome, fit, exercises like mad and is the type of person that doesn't want to hear crap... just get the job done kind of guy.

I spoke with one girl here at work who I am very close to, and she said that I should not tell him I am getting the band b/c she gets the impression that he will look down on me (she is heavy too). Like he's the type of person that would say (to himself of course).. why can't you just lose the weight, why can't you just have self control. Like I'm wasting company sick time going for something like this thats, to him, not necessary. He does kind of judge people on thier education level, this I have witnessed at work for myself.

A part of me feels like she's right but another part feels like she's not. I have to tell him eventually that I'm going out on medical leave and I do have a right to privacy but then I think to myself, what if I get sick or something happens. I'm with this guy more than my family, 40 hrs + a week.

I just know when I do tell him I'm going out, he's gonna give me those puppy dog eyes and ask why, are you okay. I'm so gullable too (sigh).

He is very hard to read into.

What would you do?

[porclndoll 0]

In my opinion, I wouldn't tell him what type of surgery you are having. I would just tell him "surgery". I wouldn't want the added stress of wondering what this guy is thinking about me. Also, since I worked for this company X amount of years...I have sick time...Im taking it and its no ones business why Im taking it....If something should occur and you would need additional time..."complications with surgery" should satisfy his curiosity. If he doesn't wanna hear crap then he shouldn't ask whats going on with you. I consider myself a pretty private person. I didn't tell a lot of people about my surgery. I just didn't want the questions and prodding...I didn't even tell a lot of my family members...just my parents and my sibblings. Keep em guessing!! I hope this has been helpful....this is just my opinion on the subject..

[ReneBean 3]

If you really think he will judge - you could always use the old "gall bladder surgery" line.

[HotLikeMe 0]

I completely agree. Tell him "surgery". If he asks for what - tell him it's personal and that you don't want to discuss it - but that it is "medically necessary". I used to have a boss just like that. Great guy - told me he wanted to promote me, ...... - til he found out that I was pregnant - I got sick and had to take a week off - then 2 weeks later he fired me for "not being able to do my job". Of course I sued..... long story ..... but it's NONE OF HIS BUSINESS!!!!!

[alatina 1]

If he is your boss I would imagine the paperwork to go on leave is going to go thru him and he will know what you are going on leave for.Thing is is if you think he will look down on you for the surgery then chances are he already has that impression of you just from sight-know what I mean?My parents are of the mind that you should be able to pull yourself up and lose the weight so I dont tell them I had it done but honestly they see me thru different eyes since I became overweight anyway-he most likely thinks you are weak and lazy just by the sheer fact that you are overweight.Sad but true fact with alot of those types of people.

[NJChick 3]

Thanks everyone

Alatina, the right to privacy (here) is that the paperwork goes through our medical department only, which is nice. Of course you all know that people talk (even the so called right to privacy people) so I'll have to have a little chat with the head of medical that this does not get out. So sorry your parents treat you like that just because of your weight.

I talked to my DH about it. He thinks I should tell him, like its no big deal. He just doesn't understand what overweight people go through and how we are descriminated upon. He just thinks the world doesn't judge b/c he doesn't (good guy to bad more people aren't like him).

Thanks for your opinion

[ReneBean 3]

Hey - if he's like a "Real Man" type - just tell him it's a Girl Thing - he'll step right back. That way, it's not really a lie (cause everything to do with a girl is a Girl Thing) and he won't ask any questions.

:]

[I'llsucceed 1]

Wow- A tuff ??. Well I would say to just say the "surgery " line as well BUT IF HE PUSHES YOU - & you cave under in pressure (like I do ) I always feel like telling the truth even when I should keep my mouth shut. Tell him like this - knowing his background like you said- tell him-"you've decided to take charge of your life & your health & are making a positive move in the right direction." If he questions it say- thank you for your concern but this is my decision & mine alone! But I highly doubt he would question you after saying it that way. Either decision you decide to take will be the right one. But I like you would feel like telling him- I am so glad I wasn't working when I had it done- I would have told my boss- & who knows if that would have been good or bad ;0)

[alatina 1]

good luck with whatever you decide to do-I wouldnt hold alot of stock in the notion that he wont be told what your medical paperwork says-ours was SUPPOSED to be like yours was but the whole damn office ended up knowing what I went out for cause it only takes one big mouth.I had told NO ONE in my circle of friends and certainly not coworkers as it has alot of women in a small space and we all know how that breeds cattiness and gossip-lol.Anyway I am close with one girl who is employed there and I didnt even tell her and she came to me a month or so after it happened and said she just wanted to let me know that everyone in personel on down knew I had gotten the surgery because my boss had to sign off on something AND TOLD 2 other coworkers!!!!OMG!!!I wanted to die-I totally went off on him and told him he was lucky I didnt sue his ass and the only reason I wasnt was because I knew he was on his way out anyway and when I took his job id be sure to pass along to his new job what a wonderful communicator he was.Men!!

[LilAngel 0]

I once revealed a medical condition after a long time of holding my tongue. I felt like you, I caved and wanted to tell I guess, in a way. But I have forever regretted that decision as I felt that them knowing followed me everywhere. They were good to me about it as far as time off goes. I eventually had to do FMLA. But the bottom line is, even though I think it was not of a malicious nature, it was why I was never going anywhere there. I quit last November. I have kept it to myself here at my new job and I am treated completely differently and have a lot of choices and support in my career growth. Maybe that nasty stuff won't happen in your case, but just so you know...

And yeah, who knows if it really will get out, but all you can do about that is trust the system. Probably if it does, you will never know anyway, so you might as well not stress about that part. Just do what you think is right assuming it will be kept confidential.

I have vacation time, so I don't plan on mentioning my surgery until it is over, and I have adjusted to the idea myself. I just work better that way. Of course, that could take a while...

Good luck.

Angel

[EllenDanis 0]

My opinion - none of his business what you're taking off for. If he presses - gall bladder or female surgery. Of course, I'm the type that I'd tell him I was getting a boob job or donating a kidney . . . that's just me . . . and one reason why I am self-employed!

Best wishes on your upcoming surgery,

Ellen

banded for a week

full liquid post-op diet - still :-P

219/209/I dunno - not 'overweight' would be good

[jqpublic 1]

Do what you think is right for you! when it come,s down to it people treat over weight people differently. He might understand then again maybe not! they don,t realize all the health issues that go along with being over weight! some people look down on people that chose Surgery!

when I kicked the idea around for months to get banded. And drove for hours too clinic

countless hours finding Doctors on the phone only to find out that wi/ma don,t cover it I was bumed out I think some one in my on family asked can,t you just lose it your self. I did only because of deep fear of death and My faith in God...and lets not forget all the bandsters out there that would give courge and great advice...........

People just don,t want to under stand that being banded is not easy way out! there are rules with being baned a whole life style change.protein in the morning. chew your food to mush. many many more. THERE IS NO EASY WAY WITH WEIGHT LOSS!

I hope you get banded and that you loss the weight that you want, there is life after being over weight. Life was good before for health reason thin is better. good luck with your Journey. most of all God bless you.

[NJChick 3]

Aww you guys are great. I just spoke to my DH at dinner and I told him I am not going to tell my boss.

Years ago I had an appendectomy. It was quite complicated as they had to cut me from hip to hip. Anyway, I do have alot of scar tissue that is painful at times, so I think if I feel like I'm starting to cave in, I'll just say I'm having that taken care of.

Thanks again, your all the best !!!

[NJChick 3]

People just don,t want to under stand that being banded is not easy way out!

I hope you get banded and that you loss the weight that you want, there is life after being over weight. Life was good before for health reason thin is better. good luck with your Journey. most of all God bless you.

Thank you !!! Your a doll

[dixie 0]

Don't LIE, but don't tell. It's none of their business. Most people don't have to miss but a day or two at work. I've worked in an HR department, don't for a minute think that your surgery will be confidential. According to Hippa, it is supposed to be confidential, but . . . .

When (not if) they notice later that you are losing weight and ask you how you are doing it, you can truthfully reply "watching what I eat and exercising."

Dixie