Is it bad that I want him to be jealous?

keepingfaith08 · March 18, 2009

Ok, so I really liked this guy for about a month, we were like really good friends since the beginning of this semester, and I thought it was mutual. I'm a very forward person, and I just came up to him and told him that I liked him. WELL. He started acting weird, so I was like ok he doesn't like me back, so that's fine. So I proceeded to just be his friend again and tried to stop liking him. The weirdness goes on for like 2 weeks. He said he wanted to talk to me in person like over coffee about the whole thing, but he cancelled on me twice about 30 minutes after I'd gotten to the coffee shop both times. Then he stops talking to me for a full week straight. He would see me and then turn around and walk the other way. I would try to say hi and he would just pretend like he didn't hear me. I was so heartbroken. I didn't even like him anymore, but it was like he didn't even want to be my friend anymore. After that, he just acted like nothing had ever happened and like we were the best of friends. I was so confused! How can you not talk to me for a FULL WEEK and then try to act like nothing happened? ALSO I thought the drama ENDED in high school! I thought college was drama-free! Apparently not.

WELL. Since I've started this whole thing, I've lost about 34 pounds and people have started noticing! Well I saw him today and he saw me and did a double take! I was wearing clothes that fit my newish body shape and I guess he noticed! I laughed to myself and I'm kinda glad that he is noticing me. Is it bad that I want him to be jealous that he didn't get me while he had the chance?

FindingMeAgain · March 18, 2009

Hi Keeping Faith,

First, I just want to say that I hope you are not doing all of this for this reason......In order to succeed you MUST be doing this for YOU.

That being said, these feelings are extremely normal. I am 38 years old, way out of high school and college, and I can't wait for my ex-husband to see me once I get my figure and my life back. He basically divorced me because I couldn't lose my baby weight after 4 years of struggling. He stopped our physical relationship 2 years ago, saying that he was not attracted to me anymore. Six weeks after we separated he had a girlfriend from Match.com.

So, while I am doing all of this for my self, my health and my three kids, there is a small part of me that cannot wait for him to see me once I am back in fighting shape. And I pray he finally understands even a fraction of the pain I have dealt w/ after his repeated rejection, and is sorry.

Keep your head up and stay focused on your goal. When the time comes, you will hopefully meet someone who deserves you. Forget the other guy, but enjoy the double takes and second glances, you earned them!!!!

-FindingMeAgain

keepingfaith08 · March 19, 2009

Thank you! Girl, we BOTH deserve the double takes and the second glances!!

Jaffa · March 19, 2009

Yes it is bad.

Eventually, you are going to realize that while looks are important at the very beginning, they aren't as important later. What is more important to you, a relationship based on looks that may or may not last, or a real relationship of real love with another person?

Too many people confuse the two things. Classic example, would be someone who divorces his wife because she can't lose weight after being pregnant. This in my opinion is someone who wasn't ready to be married in the first place.

smsmithart · March 19, 2009

I think its normal..I have a son with my ex and sometimes he just stares at me its great...

HeatherO · March 19, 2009

It is perfectly normal for you to want him to feel jealous. Perhaps it isn't great to feel this way, but it is a normal human reaction. It sounds like he was just interested in friendship and nothing more . . . he just had an odd way of letting you know.

I would just move on and not worry too much about it. Even if he changes his tune later, he stood you up twice for coffee. If you were not good enough before but become good enough in the future, he just doesn't sound like he is that great of a catch under that scenario.

There are plenty of other fish in the sea once you build up a little more confidence. It would be much better for someone who likes you for who you are and will treat you with respect.

keepingfaith08 · March 20, 2009

thanks, everyone. I think all of you are right, and while I love the way I'm starting to look, it's not the only thing that matters. He actually tried to talk to me today and I didn't really give him the time of day, I was just giving him nice, civil answers to everything we were chatting about and I think that he can see that things are different now.