female only Should I be mad at my husband for looking at dirty pictures?

[nenesalifu 1]

I myself dont care if my husband looks at the stuff.. at the end of the day, it is me that he is married to and goes to bed with. My husband and I are open about this, as I feel it is better to know what they are up to and looking at, than not knowing, and have them sneak around to have a look, or even do something worse.

I know that this is not for everyone, but it works for me, and I am confident in knowing that it is just pictures. They aren't going to jump out of the screen and on top of him. HOWEVER, I WOULD have a problem if my husband was receiving provocative pictures from chatting with women online. That goes beyond what I would put up with.

I am not saying that you should let this slide, but you both seriously need to have a good talk or couseling session. Talk to him about how it makes you feel, and perhaps what you would be comfortable with.

I wish you luck. :biggrin:

[Carrie_C 9]

We had a talk last night. I told him I don't have a problem with him looking at pictures, but I dont want them dowloaded on our computer and I don't want to see them. He says that it won't happen again. I told him that if I see anything else downloaded on this computer, I will be gone. I won't stay with someone I can't trust. I know that men are men and they are going to look. It is human nature. But downloading the stuff is going too far.

[SuzanneG 1]

I'm glad he was understanding.

For me, looking is just not OK under any circumstances.

If you are OK with it and he's being respectful of your wishes, then that's really good. I'm glad he was agreeable.

[tapshoes 2]

I'm glad he was understanding.

For me, looking is just not OK under any circumstances.

If you are OK with it and he's being respectful of your wishes, then that's really good. I'm glad he was agreeable.

Ditto. You do what you feel is right.

[Daisalana 33]

I don't care about porn myself, but I think your underlying point is applicable for anything (and that's where I definitely agree with you).

If you TOLD him it bothered you;and he ignored it... that's wrong (despite my views on porn in general).

If he snuck around, which is lying to you, that is very wrong. You are right, trust is so important in a relationship.

[newhope4me 0]

My husband and I have been through this. When we first married and I felt ok about myself, i didn't mind occassional porn as long as the girls weren't portrayed as "teen" that sickens me. Well, I married a Marine straight out of the barracks, he was already addicted to it by the time we married.

His addiction was so bad that any free time in front of the computer he was downloading this, never having time to look at even half of it. It became so bad, it really started to affect me and our marriage. Many times he would cry and say he'd stop.

During his our first deployment, just to kill time and because one of the other guys suggested it, he started joining "those" sites. He was communicating with several real women, not just pix anymore. He did eventually realize himself what he was doing to our relationship. Our life could have gone on without me ever knowing, but another wife found out about her hubby doing the same thing and I got suspicious.

I checked his email account (and God love dumb men) he had forwarded something from his secret account to this account and had used the same password for both. So, i found all the evidence. That's how I know he came to his senses before I ever found out. I saw that he had stopped all communication about 3 weeks before I found out.

Please no one tell me I shouldn't have stayed with him or I should have left him, etc, because it is one of those things that I consider a weakness in my life, but we are happy now. And he is much more considerate of my feelings now.

But don't think he got off easy. His commanding officer and Chaplain found out about it (hmmm, wonder how that happened). And I went on those sites as him and wrote something like, "I'm just here to fuck with people and kill time. I'm married and an idiot for being here in the first place." A few girls tried to email, one had a few words to say to him. But most, because they are probably doing the same thing, didn't say anything.

Occassionally, we might watch porn together. But he is extremely careful about what he looks at online. He actually talks to me about when he's feeling tempted; stressful times kinda push him to it. (now he fights a gaming addiction, lol)

Anyway, that's what I don't like about it, it like many other things can lead to much worse things. It also can affect one's sexual behavior, i've read. It is a valid concern.

[Carrie_C 9]

newhope, thanks for you story. I am glad that you all worked it out and everything is fine now. It is easy for someone who hasn't gone through this to say just leave, but that is not so easy, especially when everything else about the marriage is great. Since our talk, my husband has not even used the computer once.

[ksill18 0]

wow....because of this thread i love my wife even more. she doesnt get bothered by pictures or invade my privacy by hacking into my email account reading my emails....i feel bad for your husbands(not being mean or attacking some of you women) but men have to have their own releases in life. pictures are pictures and threatening to leave for him downloading pictures is just sad....wow....just pictures. now if he met these women and got physical then yea kick him to curb and move on....but pictures?

Now there is no way Jessica Alba is going to come knocking on my door but i love her pictures...is that wrong? my 2 cents. :w00t:

[luluc 6]

Now there is no way Jessica Alba is going to come knocking on my door but i love her pictures...is that wrong? my 2 cents. :w00t:

personally, i have a daniel craig thing going on and i'm not really into blondes or bonds:)

you had the conversation - discussed your distaste; he agreed to not download and the ball is in his court. i see this as a trust thing more so a porn one - in MO.

too many yrs together i wouldn't touch DH's laptop/blackberry/or his magazines from a business trip. i expect from him the same respect; nothing to hide - just if i have something for him to see .. i forward it. the home computer - different story. it's for bills / digital photos / "mutual" stuff ............ i wouldn't want to see skank uploaded on any of that. he has his freedoms to do so on his devices - not one we share.

me, i'm ok w/tasteful porn/lust - but thats a mutual sharing w/dh and i....if you don't share the same, boundries need to be set.

[Carrie_C 9]

I don't invade my husband's privacy. I don't read his emails. I don't go looking to see what he has been looking at. I wasn't looking for the stuff when it popped in my face. That is what I have a problem with, that he downloaded it onto OUR computer that we both share. I don't want to see it and I don't want it downloaded on a computer we share. I don't think that's too much to ask. He wouldn't want naked guys in his face either if I were to download them.

[Carrie_C 9]

I would also like to add that I have a 17 year old stepson who also uses this computer. I sure wouldn't want him finding that stuff on here either.

[Exarmy30 0]

ok look ladies heres a mans reply to this subject....all guys look at porn. period. we just do. married single . doesnt matter. ALL guys, yes, even yours! It just how the world goes round. Might as well get over it and accept it. It really has nothing to do with you or how happy or unhappy your marriage is.:w00t:

[zukagirl22 1]

well i think it's all about respect. a man needs to respect a women's choice not to have to have that sh** pop up on the screen when she uses the computer. and for many men it turns into something they can't control. a man can have a stack of playboys and not have the constant need to look at them everytime his wife is gone. but it seems that's how it is with internet porn. it's addictive!!!

[newhope4me 0]

Exarmy, I agree, men are men, they are visual creatures. However, some people get addicted, cannot control it. Which is where my husband was. He was downloading stuff that even if he lived 3 lifetimes, he wouldn't have had time to look at it all.

I do not have a problem with porn per se. I do have a problem with "teen" porn, that is sick! I have a 13 year old daughter and I was am a sexual abuse survivor, so that whole thing is nasty to me. I have seen porn where they dress the girls up to look like how I dressed my daughter when she was a toddler; I'm sorry, but most people would think it would be weird to dress a woman up to portray an animal, why isn't it distasteful to dress a woman up to look like a child?

Anyway, porn, like everything, can be ok, in moderation. But also, like everything, too much can be a bad thing.

[noosagirl 0]

I would love everyone woman out there, thats husband/partner looks at porn to do exactly the same and them, if the husband/partner is ok with them looking at porn, then its ok. But I bet a lot of men say they wouldn't have a problem but after a while they would get insecure cause they don't look like those hunky men with their six packs and large bits down below.