Words of Discouragement?

[edub 5]

Does anybody else receive words of discouragement and a complete lack of understanding from others?

In addition to being over weight, I am also very muscular so people tend to think I am less fat than I actually am. I explain that my muscle accounts for maybe an extra 20-30lbs and that I need to lose about 80lbs. Plus I have co-morbidities.

Anyway, I just get sick and tired of hearing the same old saw about not needing a band and that I should just lose weight naturally by making better food choices.

What really makes my blood boil is when thin people keep insisting that the only reason anyone is over weight is because they choose to eat fattening foods and that losing weight is as simple as making better choices. In their minds that's all there is to it, eating is a choice just like picking out which shirt to wear - nothing more, nothing less.

Why is it so difficult for people to understand that some people have an overwhelming urge to eat that others just don't experience? Why is it so hard to understand that people do not all have the same metabolism? If you look at the facts, it is obvious that these things are true and yet most people prefer to believe that fat people are just weak and lazy. I honestly believe that these beliefs make people feel better about themselves.

I just wonder if people realize how infuriating and insulting it is when they minimize the difficulties that we face. Really I have to think that's part of their pleasure. "Let's tell the fat guy that his weight problem is just due to him being weak and lazy and then when he gets pissed, that will be an example of his weak character."

And what burns me up even more is when overweight people buy into it and make the same argument as if they are not fat themselves. I guess when a lie is repeated often enough it becomes fact.

The fact that most really skinny people eat whatever they want whenever they want is simply ignored.

[serenity55 15]

One of my coworkers said that she thinks people who have weight loss surgery simply have no will power. Another person I thought was a friend posted that I was having the lap band on another web site, and her excuse was that she was "concerned" about me. She didn't, and still doesn't want to know anything about the hows or whys, because she thinks I could just control what I eat.

And the people who responded to her post said all the things we're so used to hearing: Just don't buy the stuff; try harder, people who have surgery are taking the easy way out.

They haven't got a clue!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Hmm. I'm fat, not muscular, and people probably still secretly think I should just diet. I personally don't care. I know I'm not dumb, weak and lazy; if someone wants to think I am, well, good for them. And "skinny" people that I know do NOT eat anything they want. They watch their intake.

My experience in telling people about the band has been very very positive; people curious, people who "admit" they (or a loved one) needs it or has wondered but been afraid of being ostracized, etc.

I'm really sorry you're not getting the support you expect; I know that happens and it surely sucks. But don't paint everyone with that same brush; keep on keeping on. You may be helping someone have the courage to step up and get help and never even know it.

And truly ANYONE (regardless of weight) who has tried to lose by just diet and exercise alone knows it is hard hard work. Whether they admit it or not, they know it. And they know it's harder still to KEEP the lost weight off. So if they are blowing hot air your way, they are most likely just bluffing you. They know the truth. Don't let them push your buttons.

[snzgetsfit 0]

Well, my aunt wishes me well, tells me that she hopes it works and that she knows people and they all gained the weight back.

Gee, thanks for the pep talk. LOL

I figure that she doesn't have a clue what she's talking about. And if those friends gained weight back I'm guessing they were bypass people.

Even the most well-intentioned people sometimes make the stupidest comments. Just stick to your guns and not let it get to you.

I know that each time my aunt sees me she's only thinking "gee, she doesn't look like she lost much. I knew it wouldn't work".

And my attitude...I just don't care about the naysayers andjust stick to my program day-after-day.

[YankeeFanatic 0]

WOW this is exactly why I chose not to tell anyone about getting the lapband besides my immediate family. They are all on board with what I am doing the only one that seems to say negative stuff is my sister but the fact of the matter is she is a alcoholic and wont admit it. I think that she is just jealous because I am doing somthing about my problem but she still wont admit her problem openly. My wife always says to me why are you keeping it a secret why dodnt you justtell people you are having it done and the reason is because of people like snxgetfits aunt, Serentity55 so called friend and people in edub's life that are pissing him off. I was almost going to tell some of my other friends and family but I am so glad that I didnt specially after reading this post people are just dicks and until they walk in my shoes they will never understand. I just admitted to myself that i have a problem about 2 months ago i trul belive that obesity is a disease just like some that has a drug problem or some one that has a drinking problem or anything else done in excess. it is a disease and I am doing somthing that will help me along (LapBand) it isnt a sighn of weaknes but rather a sign of strentgth that you are admitting you have a problem and are also admitting that somthing has to be done and are getting the required help neccessarry to accoplish your goal of becoming healthty and as all of us know that have already been banded or on there way to be banded it is not a esy task and there are some good days and bad days. But Like i said beofre until you have this problem you dont know what its like just like I dont know how people can shoot heroin or smoke crack or how alcoholics cant just have one or two beers. well I think evryone gets the point.

[edub 5]

And "skinny" people that I know do NOT eat anything they want. They watch their intake.

There are people who are relatively thin but can gain weight if they really let themselves go - these are the ones to which you are referring. They have no issues with overwhelming cravings and FOR THEM gaining or losing is simply about choices and laying off the morning dough nuts. They mistakenly assume everyone is like them and they THINK they know what we go through.

There are also two types of naturally thin people.

A) People who can eat pizza and drink beer daily and not gain an ounce.

people who just don't experience much hunger and only need a small meal to satisfy themselves. Both of these types also have no clue what fat people experience.

Regardless of which of the three types people are, they just figure if it isn't an issue for them than it isn't an issue for you either.

I have one naturally thin friend who insists that it's all about will power - he has been trying to quit smoking for 10 years but still doesn't get it.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

Honestly I do not know a soul who eats pizza and beer (unless only occasionally) and doesn't gain, nor do I know people who are never hungry. I'm sure you aren't exaggerating, but neither am I. I guess it's just a difference in perspective...I'm a plate half full kind of a gal If you suffer overwhelming cravings and have only gotten to 80 pounds overweight at the age of 41 then you've obviously struggled and fought your weight. I understand you feel attacked by people you know and I wish that weren't true for you. I fortunately have not had that experience.

[YankeeFanatic 0]

I have one naturally thin friend who insists that it's all about will power - he has been trying to quit smoking for 10 years but still doesn't get it.

I have a friend who says the same thing to me about my weight he says you juts have to stop being lazy and do it meanwhile he cant stop smoking hes tried fro about 5 years or longer I use to smoke with him and I quit cold turkey and that was 4 years ago and have no desire for a smoke. SO i could be a real dick and tell him that he is just being lazy with quitting smoking but I know what its like so I would never do that. Its ocviously not a matter of will power all the time becuase I quit smoking but cant stop my weight problem on my own

[luluc 6]

just tune the noise out.

those w/the best intentions in their advice are not responsible for your health & well being ... "you are".

how you get healthy, how you manage your weight is yours to own. if you "share" - expect comments, even those not asked for...

[Ale78 0]

Yeah it's hard. Some people out there will just never get it.

I had a friend once who would eat huge amounts of food...huge! Skinny as a rail. I asked him once what the deal was and he said he has always been that way. He tried several times to gain weight but it never worked. He said he could eat 3 doughnuts every morning for a month and maybe gain 10 or 15lbs but once he stopped that would come off within a week.

Wouldn't that be AWESOME!!! lol He of course hated it.

Then there is my husband. He was one of those people that always thought fat people were just lazy pigs who sat around eating and watching judge judy. I was about a size 16 when we met. I have always been an active person and was pretty fit for a couple of years there :confused:)

So when we got together we just sat around and ate the dumbest things and we always had koolaid made in the fridge. Well, I gained about 100lbs within a couple of years and he gained 40lbs. He always ate more than me and he drinks beer! So we decided we wanted to get healthier again and he started bringing salads for lunch. He lost 30lbs within a year. Seriously that was all he changed. I did South Beach and also lost 30lbs. Then got pregnant lol.

Anyway there are people out there that it is EASY for them and they CAN eat whatever they want or if they do gain, it's easy to get it back off.

Why it's not like that for us I will never know. I have been doing way better than I ever thought I would with not wanting or NEEDING some of the foods I wanted and needed before. But still sometimes I feel so out of control and find myself spitting out what I just stuck in my mouth on auto pilot lol

I told only my husband and my boss who is also a close friend. I just don't want to hear the negative stuff right now. I want only people who will be 100% supportive to have my ear.

Just ignore them and move on. It's your body and your life. We all know our own struggles. I am so glad we are all here and working through it! GO US!!!

~A

WOW sorry that got so long lol!

Edited March 8, 2009 by Ale78
Spelling!

[MyDay2Shine 1]

I have found along the way, that people rarely react how I think they will. Some of the people I thought would judge me have been so wonderful, hugging me every time they see me, telling me how happy they are for me, how great I'm looking. Other people that I thought would be really supportive (or I wanted them to be) have reacted kind of funny. Making little comments that make me feel bad about my choice, not listening when I try to educate them on Lap band. One thing I have learned is I have no way to guess how someone is going to react. Even though negative reactions are hurtful and discouraging these people are still my friends, they are just not going to be my support system. Truly, support systems can emerge from some surprising sources!

[edub 5]

What I find fascinating is that even when I explain the latest research to people they simply dismiss it out of hand favoring their bigoted views instead - and this is a form of bigotry IMO.

Anyway, here is a small snippet on leptin. I encourage people to read more on the subject. And BTW, I have one friend that takes a calorie supplement and is still a bean pole. Another kid I roomed with in college ate a large pizza and drank a 12 pack of beer every day. Of numerous thin people I have asked, few claim to have ever found any need to restrict their food intake.

Nearly all obese individuals are resistant to leptin, the hormone that signals the brain that our appetites are satisfied and we can stop eating. For this reason, explains study co-senior author Barbara Kahn, M.D., Chief of Endocrinology and Metabolism at BIDMC, efforts made several years ago to use leptin in drug form to treat obesity were largely unsuccessful. “The majority of obese people actually have high levels of leptin,” explains Kahn, who is a Professor of Medicine at Harvard Medical School. “But they are unable to put it to use.”

[Ale78 0]

Oh so it's just our brains that are lazy?? lol

Or just too dumb to figure out how to use the lepitin?

Lovely.

[flowers 0]

Both my parents are too skinny. In fact my Dad had to have a feeding tube for a year that was recently removed and he fights to push himself to eat enough to maintain his weight. Feels like he will throw up if he eats. My mom is too skinny too. They used to be so proud of how they were so skinny and both are totally clueless that I love to eat and why. They really just dont get it.

Iv been walking about 7 miles a day and watching what I eat and after 3 weeks iv only dropped 1 lb. I said something and my Dad grinned like it was a big joke and said "you just eat too much". Two weeks ago he asked me if I was still on my diet and losing. My mom isnt much better, just says she has learned to not say anything to me. .... of course my sister told me that mom told her to watch it or she would get like me. (that hurts) and my mom sees nothing wrong with saying stuff like that, what it says about how she sees me, thinks its ok, just stating facts and trying to motivate my sister.

I can tell you by the time I was a teen, controlling my food and food was a big issue with me because of my mom. parents dont realize what they do to their children ... all in the name of "im only trying to help".

.... lets not even go into friends trying to help by telling me when Im gaining weight .... as if I dont know?

[edub 5]

Flowers, isn't it odd that they don't pass the same judgment on their inability to eat as they do on your inability to stop.

I think most people are under the belief that everyone experiences hunger the same way they do.

Now some people do just not care what they eat and not make an effort, but I know that many people including myself fight the battle every day with little success.

Either way, I find that people absolutely refuse to entertain the possibility that hunger affects different people differently and that people's bodies respond differently to diet.