Dating and the band

[SoCalCass 0]

Okay everyone - so I am down almost 70 pounds and all my girlfriends, my mom, sister, and every other person I know in my life, has asked me when I am going to start dating. It's not that I don't want to, I just don't know how to bring the band up in conversation. I mean, seriously, what do you do when you go to restaurant and the date asks why you have barely eaten anything off you plate, or what about when you have decided to take the relationship to the bedroom and there is a scar on your stomach. Is this something that you want to bring up on the first date? But I feel like it has become such a huge part of my life and I am very excited to talk to just about anyone about it. Thoughts and advice please! I need some lovin' ASAP!

[lose2regainme 0]

How about for the first date or two, try to suggest activities for the date that do not include food. After a date or two, if you want to keep seeing him, at that time you can explain everything to him. Just reassure him that it is positive to your health and keeping your "girlie figure" and it will not in any way hinder your ability to have children, etc. (An added plus- you are cheap to take to restaurants- just share!) As for the bedroom part, I'm old school on that. You will NEVER regret waiting untill you are married, but you WILL definately regret NOT waiting. I deeply regret not waiting, and there was only one other guy other than my husband. I am not preaching here, I respect that you have a right to your own life to live as you want, freewill and all that. Just sharing my experience. I tell my teenage daughter if she would just learn from MY mistakes instead of making all of her own, her life would be much better!!! HaHaHa!!!:laugh::thumbup::laugh:

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

My bf knows about the band. At first, I told him I had a late lunch, or wasn't feeling well, things like that. I did try to do things with him that didn't involve food. He knows I am always watching my weight. Eventually, I just told him. It was not a big deal. He was happy that I cared enough about myself to do something that would make me more healthy.

[aubrie 6]

don't worry to much about the scars. They fade over time, and in dim light won't show much at all. Not that he would even be looking at your SCARS!!!!! I would also wait until you've gone out several times to tell him about your surgery. Let him define you as YOU first, and then tell him that, so the surgery is not a major portion of how he sees you. If he's a really great guy, he'll respect you for taking control of your life and doing what was good for you. That speaks volumes about your character if received by the right person. I always felt that picking at my food and ordering a to go box was more "feminine" than shoveling mass quantities of food in your face anyway. No need to explain being "dainty".

[thinkingslim70 0]

I recently had this experience. I started dating someone but didn't want to mention the surgery. Eating out wasn't a problem i just ordered entree size - the problem was he thought I was bizarre not drinking with my meal - comments like "what you don't even want water". After the 3rd meal out I came clean and told him. He was relieved cos he knew something was up and asked lots of questions. It was then not an issue. I'm glad I told him but I'm also glad I didn't do it on the first date.

[littlefroggy 0]

I did a lot of dating when I lost about 70 lbs too... and then I met someone amazing! It's very exciting. I'm also glad to have met her NOW as I am not at goal yet and I know she likes me this way. Which means, if I am not "perfect" she will still like me no matter what. But anyway, as for eating out, I usually get Soup and salad. It's a sort of lady-like dinner

As for the scars, they don't both her. I told her I had "stomach surgery" surgery in our first week or so of dating, but it doesn't seem she really gets it. It has not come up again and I need to really explain it to her. I am not sure she connected the fact that I have lost weight (which I mention often as she sees old pics of me, or I throw away clothes and I am always working out, etc.) But she also doesn't ask a lot of questions unless I bring them up. So be sure to tell the person you start to date about the surgery and explain it so they know why you eat so little. Of course, not until it feels right.

Edited March 19, 2009 by littlefroggy

[JosShavaughn 0]

I'm still a pre-op, but I am very open, sometimes too much so, and I am sure I will have no problem bringing up the band and my weight loss.