Will MY LB help my teenage daughter?

[spud.mama 7]

As you all know I have not been banded yet, probably not until June. My question is how to help her lose weight, as I have not been a good influence on that one, but am in the process of learning. She is athletic but is, shall we say, 'weighed down' a bit to even want to get up and move. She is in her brothers shadow who is a basketball star, so feels the pressure and rebels against it.

She is 14, 5'9", 234lbs, 42DD (can't find sports bras in that), and has a ghetto booty and thighs. Have to explain that I am white, she is black, and we live in a very white city. All her friends are Mexican (don't want to offend that's what they want to be called) and are short toothpicks. It is hard for her to understand the difference in body type amongst the races.

I would like to know if while I am doing the pre-surgery diet stuff and after surgery will her portions and overall diet and motivation inadvertently change? She wants to lose weight but also wants to keep eating sugar crap (says she has to "feed her fat"). Where's the line of helping yet letting her be a teenager? We all have times when family says/does things out of love but it ends up being hurtful. What do I do?

Spud Mama :tt1:

[Nanook 2]

Does she seem to have good self esteem? I know it's difficult when you want the best for your daughter, all moms do but you have to be careful not be too critical about her weight. It's a difficult time for her. There are books out there about dealing with teenage girls and their bodies that you may want to read.

I always thought if I wasn't critical of my daughters' weight they would grow up loving their bodies as I had not. But they still picked up my hatred for my own body even though I didn't verbalize it.

She is tall and if she's athletically inclined encourage that so that she's enjoying herself. As you said she's a different body type than many of her classmates but explain to her that everyone's body types are different and that's OK.

My daughter was 6 feet tall and well over 300 lbs and ended up having RNY surgery but that was because she wanted it not because I ever, ever suggested it. It was really important to her.

I think there must be a way to sit down and discuss your surgery with her and find out how she feels about it also. I wish there was a book out there I could suggest for you but basically if you search on Amazon.com for those types of books so many will pop up. I'm a believer in therapy when needed but that's something we used in our family and doesn't mean it's necessary for yours. Good luck with your surgery and with your daughter, Nancy.

PS you can find her a good sports bra in her size on line at JMS.com, Lane Bryant etc...

[JASON R 0]

well after my surgery my entire family was helped. my wife has lost about 7 pounds and my kids eat so much better also. we changed the way we eat in the house so it helped us all out.

[GuyMontag 1,264]

My wife has already lost 5lbs and I was banded only a week and a half ago. My kids are eating better too because i'm not always bringing fast food into the house. I think it will probably help her.

[spud.mama 7]

Thank you! I appreciate your responses. I am hoping that my eating better will help my kids as well. I know it's a touchy thing with a teenager, equally as hard that we learn what we live (hard when it's not healthy). Hopefully it's not too late to change that 'learn what we live' from being 'hard' to being 'great' for my daughter.

She does seem to have a good self-esteem, and we have had some heart to hearts about weight loss and exercise. My thought it taking her with me to my dietitian appointments. Maybe she will learn some through that.

Thanks,

Spud:smile:

[rcruz 0]

But remember if one is addicted to food you can say that changing the old habits like bringing food in the house and not eating the same ole foods big difference is we have the "Band" and it helps almost at 50% than those alone trying to do...did that make sense!??!?!?!?!

[KarenE 0]

Wow,I thought I was the only one with this concern. My 11yr old is 5' and weighs 133lbs. She is my most active kid but boy does she like to eat. Her 3 older brothers never had any big weight problems. She's pretty self confident but notices that she is bigger than her friends.

I worry for her. I am hoping that they'll let me take her to the nutrition part of my program. I am hoping tp be banded in May.

[Jachut 487]

Hmmm, we are living this too at the moment and I'd have to say, sadly, that there is only ONE person who can change your daughter's health future and that's her. By the age of 14, its really set and she has to be motivated to want to change.

For sure, a healthy family lifestyle is a HUGE factor - its a great preventative tool, its important to teach them the skills so that if and when they want to lose weight, they have a base to start from. I grew up in a healthy family, with home cooked, healthy meals, my parents were sports mad and I played sports too. But I still got fat. However I've lost weight relatively easy and become very athletic because my body has a "memory" for it, its how I grew up.

My 13 year old son is 5ft 7 and about 170lb and I'm really worried about him. He's as lazy as all get out - he's like his Dad, its just his nature, he is not at all sporty or athletically talented, he plays basketball twice a week but the team carries him because they're all his good mates. He's pretty asthmatic so doesnt push himself and he will play the "I've got asthma" card when encouraged to do so and of course, with asthma, you never ever would take the risk of assuming he's faking (but he does). He loves lying around playing PS3 and Wii. His brother and sister are much much much more active - disappear at Breakfast time on their bikes and reappear for some dinner kind of thing.

He eats a lot - he has a man sized appetite - but he does like healthy food as well as the kind of junk teens like. Our family diet always WAS healthy but it has improved but its how much you eat as much as what, and he eats too much for his acivity level - although he eats about the same as what other boys his age eats. He's cursed with a bad metabolism. He just cant burn it off like his friends can.

He's showing some signs of self consciousness about his weight - he goes to a private school, so strict uniform, he has to tuck his shirt in so he wont take his school jumper off no matter how hot it is - he walks home in 90 degree heat wearing a wool jumper. they ahve school swimming this week, he's hating having to go shirtless. So it does bother him but just not enough to do anything about it.

We've tried having talks, it just ends in a fight. So we leave him alone, and I make him walk to and from school every day just for that bit of extra exercise and he knows that's why I do it even though I could pick him up.

My having a lapband and DH having a lapband has had no real influence on him, our whole family lifestyle is healthy and he's still getting heavy. He hasnt hit puberty, I'm hoping for a massive growth spurt, his dad is 6ft 4, and he's looking to be bigger, so it *could* still be puppy fat. What worries me the most though is the lack of fitness because that means he does less which means he gets fatter, which means he gets less fit......

My advice would have to be influence what you can (like me making him walk to school, making a healthy school lunch, not having junk food in the house, never ever buying crap like soft drinks, cordial and orange juice, plenty of fresh fruit to eat etc) and provide support but dont get down her throat about losing weight, they dont want to hear it and will do it when they're good and ready - if ever. Sadly we cant live our kids lives, or put an old head on young shoulders.

But I would definitely say that whilst your getting banded may not result in loss for her (afterall we couldnt do it without a band right?), the positive messages will be getting through - you'll never know how fat she MAY have gotten had you continued down the same path and you are teaching her a sensible lifestyle.

Edited February 23, 2009 by Jachut

[spud.mama 7]

Thank you all for your replies. She came home from school today, unknowing of my post, and asked me to help her lose weight. Maybe my frustration is that I don't know how! I'm learning myself, and trying to get myself motivated to exercise. It will all work out (or she'll have the LB in 10 years if she wants).

Thanks again.

Spud :w00t:

[OH Juli 15]

A few things:

How connected is she to the black community where the culture is made up of more body accepting women? Also one finds that in Latino community, does she have exposure to that by some women, aunts, grandmothers, friends of yours whom she respects who are look like her? Can you reach out to them and tell them she's needing a little support so they approach the subject with her?

www.titlenine.com is where you find that sports bra.

As for helping her lose some weight, by all means you are her role model. Of course the better you eat and the more you move encourage her to join you. Have her taste your food/protein drinks. If you track her food show her and have her track hers too, if she's inclined.

I too have a little girl on the obesity curve. I try to give her opportunities to learn about eating well and moving her body and remove the junk. It's just EVERYWHERE.

Good luck. Your daughter is lucky to have such a compassionate mom.

[HeatherO 7]

I would offer her as much support as possible without making her feel bad about her weight.

The band can help to an extent. In my home before banding, we were picking up chinese takeout, ordering pizzas, eating high calorie and high fat foods all to often. Eating on our tight schedule was based more on impulse and tight time schedules than being about health. We did eat healthy, but also unhealthy as well.

After banding, I started making mostly home cooked meals. This changed how I shopped, with more fresh fruit and vegetables, whole grains, lean meats as opposed to convenience foods in the center of the store.

All of our diets have improved although I was the only one suffering from obesity in my family.

[GuyMontag 1,264]

I can trace a lot of my poor eating habits and hangups back to the way I was raised. There were always comments about how much I ate...or what I ate...or whatever...and it totally gave me a complex. Taking that to heart I made sure to never even mention eating habits to my children. Sure, I make sure they eat some vegetables and try new things but I never comment on the amount they eat or whether something might make them fat. I just let them self regulate and it has worked AMAZINGLY well. Maybe I just got lucky, but my 11 year old boy and 7 year old girl are both skinny as rails and super healthy. They play all the time and my son even has developed biceps...at 11! Honestly, with all the terrible food i've brought into the home I can't believe that they aren't both heavy...that's always been kind of a justification for me...as long as i'm not hurting my kids and they aren't heavy then i can keep bringing this terrible food into our home. Looking back I realize that robbing them of a father and possibly their mother due to us being overweight and possibly dying early...that's not fair to them. That's one of the reasons I got the band...not the ONLY reason. Ultimately, I go the band for me...but I also realize that others will benefit as well.