I know what I'm doing is dangerous!

[Band-aided 0]

I know I need to stop this now. Ive been banded since June 2007. I've had my up and downs but now I'm in real trouble. I travel alot with my Job. It started when I got a blockage, after throwing up and up my band started to get irritated and the inflamation and PAIN was unbearable. I was due at work so ended up going for a defill, instant relieve! To cut a very long story short since then I have have been filled and defilled more times that I care to remember. Always going somewhere different. I even got a syringe and now do it myself sometimes. I know you will be reading this and not believing it, I can't. I'm totally ashamed of myself. I'll defill, eat, gain weight then fill, get a blockage, which always ends up with inflamation and pain, then I defill and off we go again. I'm out of control! I've lost most of my weight, bar 18 llbs. I'm so totally and utterly terrified of putting the weight back on. I can only seem to loose weight if I'm very tight, which then means I always get somesort of blockage/irritation. The moment I have my band at a level that is not so tight I just eat and eat! It's like all or nothing. I've had to start doing it myself as I can't keep going back to Doctors all the time. I feel I'm the only person who does this, it's like a dirty secret. Does anyone else do this? Has anyone else done this? I really don't know what to do.

Edited February 22, 2009 by Band-aided
spelling

[Cleo's Mom 257]

Band: You already know what you're doing is very dangerous so it doesn't matter if there are others like you. It sounds like the band wasn't right for you. You are manipulating it. Talking about having a syringe and doing your own fills and unfills sends me images of drug users that are out of control. You need help but you need professional help that is beyond the capabilities of anyone on this board. Are you still in touch with your original surgeon? You need to go see him ASAP and tell him what is happening to you. If you don't want to do that - were you required to get a psych evaluation before surgery? Maybe you could see that person. The fear of putting weight back on is very powerful but not at the expense of your health. And you are really hurting yourself, the band, your stomach. You could die from the complications that you are causing yourself and I'm sure you don't want that. Perhaps your band could be removed and you could consider another type of WLS. But it sounds like you still have food issues that you cannot overcome on your own. First you have to stop being ashamed of yourself. You are a human being who made a choice to get healthy and somewhere along the way things got out of control and you are reaching out for help. That's a good thing and the first step. But you need to talk to professionals. Even if you go to a family doctor or another doctor if you don't want to face you surgeon. I wish you the best of luck with this because I can tell you are in emotional and physical pain.

[coltonwade 27]

I ditto everything Cleo's mom Said.

besides the complications. Your doc needs to know your doing this NOW ! If this goes on and he finds out your doing it later he's going to be VERY UPSET. if you devople a complication this is his stats that your putting at risk. I can tell you docs do not take kindly to taht. I think you have to face your surgeon .

If you do not have "Time" for the band or your having too many issues than your best option is to have it removed instead of doing this .

Mindy

[Jachut 487]

I agree. Now that you know you CAN do this, its going to be something else that you have to use willpower to resist. I'd be thinking about another surgery if I were you.

[Fluffy_Gurl 3]

I agree with Jachut maybe banding isnt the right thing for you maybe bypass or the sleeve would be better for you. I would reccomend that you get some counsling i think that there is more going on than just the fear of gaining back the weight. What you are doing is very dangerous for you. you have taken several steps to get healthy by getting the band in the first place now you have to take the steps to get healthy again. Good Luck!