what to tell people at work

[dbeers 0]

I don't want anyone at work to know I'm having surgery. I've heard them talk about another person that had lap band surgery. Sometimes it is not very nice. I've been leaving work early and using vacation day's to attend classes the last 6 months always saying I had dr appointments. I ran into the guy from work that had lap band surgery at one of the information sessions. I ask him not to tell anyone and last week he ask me right in front of another co-worker when my date was. So I had to tell her and also ask her not to tell anyone. I'm planning on telling everyone I had surgery for a hernia, and only tell the HR director the truth. I'm a receptionist at the front desk so everyone will know I'm not there, also because I never miss any work. Let me know what you told everyone

[mzmouse 0]

I just told them all the truth. They have been very supportive, but I have been there for ten years, too. Don't know what they say behind my back, and they might talk, but that's okay. I'm doing something positive for my health and that's what matters to me. Besides, there is so much silicone in my office, I would just laugh if they bad-mouthed me!

[crzytchr 3]

I told everyone I work with the truth. Someone at my school last year had it done and started losing weight, but she just told everyone she was exercising and eating less. Technically she was telling the truth, but it made me feel like an idiot that she made it look so easy and I wondered why I couldn't do it.

I am sorry that a coworker opened his big mouth, it kind of takes away your power to control the situation. Since that happened, it will probably get around, especially when you start dropping weight. So you may want to reconsider keeping it a secret. Maybe don't announce it, but if people ask, tell. That way, it gets told on your terms and not when someone else feels like blabbing your business. Good luck!

[erinjoy777 0]

I have kind of had a similar situation, except my husband is the one that got banded. My boss and co-worker say rude things about overweight people alot, so I never mentioned that my husband was overweight (no need to!). When the day of the surgery came I told them he was having an outpatient surgery done. My co-worker finally came out and asked what was going on but I just told her I didn't want to talk about it. That ended the conversation. If anyone should be embarrassed it is them, not me, but I still just feel that it's none of their business. So I understand what you're feeling! It's kind of tough.

[maestrita 43]

I am not going to tell many people. I teach, too, and my department knows about my struggles with hypersomnia (apnea-related) and arthritis. I've told them that I'm going in for a procedure, but I am not ready to talk about it. They begged me to tell, and I said I didn't want to share it because people have their opinions. I've been warned that people would be negative toward me, they would criticize me, or they would watch everything I eat. I don't want my life to be about food, so I am choosing not to tell. To be honest, I'm not that concerned about the judgmental part. I don't really care, but I don't want the distraction. I am really at a point where I am moving forward in my career, and I want to focus on that. I want to talk about my field of study, methodologies, and best practices. I want to talk about changing lives through great instruction and advocacy. I want to spend my extra time consulting and mentoring new teachers. I don't want to be distracted talking about what I am eating/not eating for lunch. If folks catch on and have the nerve to ask, I'll tell them I'm just feeling so much better these days, and it's easier to take control of my life. I have a feeling that this won't be far from the truth.

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I told everyone. People talk; that quit bothering me a LONG time ago.

[punkin61 0]

I chose to tell my close friends at work and have nothing by support from them. I think if I had kept the surgery yo myself I wold have lost my mind. They encourgage me, we walk at lunch and some of us go to the gym together. Most of my friends are much smaller than me, and they have been a big part of my success. I am almost 3 months post-op and we go out to eat once a month and they are amazed at what I eat and how little and have nothing but encouraging words for me.

[Chicky abby 0]

I felt the same as you and did not want my business the talk of the office or want the extra scrutiny. I used my vacation days for surgery and told everyone I was having knee surgery. Also, I work from home frequently as well so have stayed out of sight since the surgery. It is your business and your choice; there is no right or wrong.

[Swisskaese 7]

I am sure my co-workers will be supportive, but so far I have only told my boss and one co-worker who will not tell a soul.

This type of surgery is not well known here so I don't think anyone will guess. I will tell them if they ask.

Edited February 22, 2009 by Swisskaese

[It's_Christine 0]

dbeers, if you do not want people to know do not tell them. I chose not tell people at work and when I was off for 2 weeks I simply said I was puttering around the house. When people notice my new eating habits I tell them I am actively trying to lose weight through calorie restriction and exercise. It is no one's business that I had a band placed. People are still supportive of my weight loss efforts and I appreciate that but it does not change my approach to maintaining my privacy. One morbidly obese co-worker did approach me and I shared my story in confidence so it may help you to know this approach need not be an iron-clad rule. So dbeers establish a story you can live with and stick to it is my best advice. Good luck!

[TQUAD64 9]

Your medical information is confidential and private under HIPPA laws. You do not need disclose any detail of any medical procedure/issues if you don't want too.

You might qualify for FMLA, which is another law designed to protect employees from a medical issue, while working. Below is a link to the Department of Labor and FMLA. Your HR Manager will have more information about FMLA too!

U.S. Department of Labor - Employment Standards Administration (ESA) - Wage and Hour Division (WHD) - Family and Medical Leave Act

If you plan to utilize sick time for more than three days, then more than likely you will need to bring a doctor's note stating you were under a doctor's care and you are able to return to work. The note does not provide information about your medical information. Many employers have policies regarding the use of sick time, so you will also want to check with your HR Manager.

Personally, I took vacation time, so I did not have to explain to anyone why I would be out of the office for several days. My employer does not know I had surgery and they do not know any of my medical information.

I did complete an FMLA request, which my doctor signed. This allows me to attend all my aftercare procedures, which are monthly.

When my doctor completed the FMLA form, I requested that she not utilize any identifying language, such as "Bariatric Center" which would disclose my medical information.

I don't believe it is appropriate to share personal information of any kind with your co-workers and employers, as they are not my family and do not need to be privy to any such information. As an employee, I am paid to work not socialize. Thus, I do not share my personal info. But that is just me and you will decide what is best for you. :-)

Edited February 22, 2009 by TQUAD64

[Cleo's Mom 257]

TQ: Very good advice and I agree with you but I fear that with two co-workers already knowing about dbeers surgery - it won't be long before they all know. You've heard the saying that two people can keep a secret if one of them is dead. And if they're snotty enough to talk about others they will about her too. I'm not sure how she should handle it then. I guess she could go two ways - just be truthful and ask for their support or tell them that her medical business is just that- her business- and those discussing it could be violating HIPPA.

[mica 0]

I told no one at work. I was new to the job and had no idea of the dynamics of the group so, I chose to keep the info to myself. Over the last year, since banding, I have lost about 50 lbs. When they would ask what I was doing, I said " I'me eating about 1/2 of what I used to", which was not a lie.

My decision to keep this info to myself was the right one. Getting to know my co-workers, many or them are very critical and gossipy and love to sabotage.

It would have been nice to have a few of the more supportive ones know, so I could lean on them, and maybe in the future, I will come out of the "band closet" to them.

My advice, make sure that those you tell will be supportive of you. It is interesting what personality traits come out of others when one is successful.

Good luck!

[TQUAD64 9]

Let me be clear on this topic; if after you have asked that a fellow co-worker not disclose your HIPPA protected medical information and the co-worker continues to do so, it is grounds for administrative action. An employee can file an action with the HR Department regarding their concerns pertaining to their medical information.

HIPPA and an employees right to protect their medical information is very serious. An employee who releases medical information regarding another employee could face administrative action and/or dismissal.

I encourage anyone to further discuss this topic with their HR Department.

[sgb1979 0]

What a sensitive situation. Yes I know its hard to swallow, no pun intended, that people may be talking about you behind your back. I just had the surgery last Thursday, 2/19. I work in a huge office about 300 people. I am a social butterfly and people know me and notice when I am gone. I had a back problem and one of my friends said she was going to start saying I had herpes if I didnt get back because there were so many people, that were asking her where I was. I completely freaked out, knowing this surgery was coming. I also, didnt want to tell anyone, I wanted to just kinda disappear for a few weeks, come back in and I was going to say I had my appendix removed or something. Funny isnt it. The irony of making up another surgery to cover this one. I decided that I was just not going to openly tell, but the people that came up to me and asked or contacted me I would just tell them. So far, Im pretty sure that everyone knows. Because people do talk truth in life, even your "friends", they share with other close friends. Its all in good nature generally. From the few that did know, Im ok with it now. I decided that if anyone has a problem that they can go ahead and talk about it. Ignorance is in the world, something, being overweight Im sure you have dealt with in your past. I know I have. Just remember very soon there will be something else in the office going on that will overshadow your surgery. Just remember you are doing this for yourself. Some good words to remember, a nurse while was in the hospital told me, The people that talked about you when you were big are going to be the first ones to talk about you when you loose the weight. They are ALWAYS goign to talk... Whats important is if your happy!!