keep it a secret?

[banderoo 0]

Hi, I am new to this forum. I am getting banded in 8 days. I have several close friends who I talk to everyday, and see 4-5 times a week. I don't want to tell anyone I'm getting this done except for my husband, and my closest friend. Has anyone out there kept their banding a secret? I am so afraid of being judged. My friends are all good people but not many of them are overweight and I don't think they'll understand.

[tennisgal 0]

Yes, I have only told my husband and parents. My children don't know either. It's difficult at first just b/c it's obvious you are changing your eating habits. My coworkers were used to me always being on a different diet, though, so no questions. However, now that I'm about 3 months out and the weight loss has really slowed, I'm glad I don't have everyone judging me. It hasn't been a drastric enough change that anyone has questioned. I have lost 25 plus pounds but that was the same 25 I'd lost dieting the year before so everyone so far just thinks I got back on the diet track. You will want someone to talk to though so I think you should at least tell one friend.

[bklyn1984 0]

The people that I have told are people who I know who will support me not judge me. They include my husband, some immediate family, and a few close friends. Everyone else who asks about my weight loss will be told I am eating healthy and exercising. It's none of their business in my opinion. These people who I know will judge me and have already expressed that they saw WLS as an easy way out. Some of them also have big mouths. I need support not persecution for what someone considers an easy way out.

[DannyLu 0]

Great thread!

I am going throught the same thing right now. I am telling my parents, my brother, my husband and my closest friend. I have a couple of close friends but I'm not 100% sure I can trust that they won't tell their husbands and family (I live in a small town and the smallest leak would mean it's right out there...).

I also don't want to judge or labelled me. There are a couple of people that I know who have had WLS and I think about that every time I see them (all skinny and stuff:thumbup:) I don't really want that for me. I would rather not have that label even though I'm not ashamed of it, does that make sense?

I'm not too thrilled about lying to people when they ask me how I am losing weight though. I've been on weight watchers for a long time (not a significant weight lose though) so I guess I could say it's starting to work...I'm sticking to it better. I could also say, and it would be true, I'm just eating less!

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it!

[bklyn1984 0]

I'm not too thrilled about lying to people when they ask me how I am losing weight though.

I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it!

I am not thrilled either but I think by telling them I am eating healthier and exercising it's not really a "lie" because it's part of what I am doing to lose. I don't know but those already in my support group are those I see the most so like you I guess I will also cross that bridge when I get to it :thumbup:

[amberstar 1]

I'm so glad I didn't tell everyone I know. My loss started off slow and I didn't want everyone thinking "gah, did she even have the surgery?". So alot of my friends and some family don't know. I just tell them I've cut back on my portions, which is not lying, lol.

[banderoo 0]

Thanks guys that really helps. I feel really bad about the lying too. But I don't want every move I make to be monitored. I haven't told my kids yet they are 11 and 7 because I don't want to tell them not to tell.

So I am not sure what I'm going to say to them.

[YngGram 73]

I just told my best friend tonight. The kids and spouse were told when I started my research. I hesitated to tell my friend because she had bypass a few years ago and has gained about 50-60 lbs back. She is very sensitive and I don't want her to feel bad about her situation or about mine(success or failure). I know she will give me all she can to help me be a success. I am very strong minded and I will not take guff off of anyone about anything I do. Therefore, the fewer people who know, the fewer I should be charged with assaulting!

[Amanda25 0]

I know exactly how you feel. The only one who knows I got a band is my husband. I haven't even told my parents, who I am very close to and see a couple of times a week. I lied to them and told them I was sick the week after the surgery, so they didn't wonder why I wasn't coming around while I was healing.

My mom is a real gossip. When I found out I was pregant 3 years ago, I called her to let her know and asked her not to tell ANYONE else. About 3 minutes later, I got a call from my sister, who reamed me out for not calling her, too. By nightfall, everyone and their dog knew I was pregnant.

I just don't want that to happen again. I don't want everyone to be reminded that I am overweight and even need the lap band.

[babbs3772 1]

*Disclaimer - this is my opinion and simply my opinion :thumbup:

I never kept it a secret. I am completely open about my weight loss surgery and I have inspired others by being open.

However, it is my right to tell any and everyone as it is your right to not tell people.

It is a personal choice either way and as I shouldn't be condemned for telling and sharing, you shouldn't ever be condemned for not sharing and telling.

I have no worries of failure, I am not embarrassed because I had surgery and for me it is not a personal choice - it is my only choice.

Do what you want, do what you feel is right and make your best decision for you :cursing:

[banderoo 0]

I am really worried about not telling my parents, and my closest friends but I just don't think I can. If I just tell everyone I'm sick, that should buy me a few days. I wish I could just be loud and proud but I can't. I am mostly worried it could come out later. My friends would be devestated if they found out after the fact. Well I guess I've got 7 more days to out myself.

[babbs3772 1]

I am really worried about not telling my parents, and my closest friends but I just don't think I can. If I just tell everyone I'm sick, that should buy me a few days. I wish I could just be loud and proud but I can't. I am mostly worried it could come out later. My friends would be devestated if they found out after the fact. Well I guess I've got 7 more days to out myself.

Banderoo,

none of us can be your conscience - only your sounding board.

Do what you feel best about, really evaluate what will be the right thing for you in the long run.

I think that some times we are so afraid of failure, of judgments, of being laughed at or ridiculed that we forget that it doesn't matter really what others think - if you tell them so what? If you don't, so what?

It is a huge step in your life and you will have to determine who you want to share it with - if anyone.

Let no one and I mean no one ever dissuade you that your decision wasn't the correct one or the important one. Stand up and be proud regardless Good luck to you and I will think great thoughts for your surgery day!

Edited February 16, 2009 by babbs3772
because I can

[Big Momma is Shrinking 0]

There are a handful of ppl in my life that know....my husband, my aunt/best friend....and a friend I work with...the funny thing is I'm much more comfortable talking about it with casual acquanitencs then the (other) ppl who are part daily lives.....

I guess for me personally....I don't really care to hear their opinion one way or the other....I don't htink it's as much a matter of judging me as it is I'm not willing to have to defend my choice....

To me it comes down to this....it's my body, no one else knows what it is like to have to live in it....and it's is MY chioce to make period!

The small handfull of people in my daily life are very supportive...and I feel like that's what I really need right now....not someone that I have to defend my desicion to.

[singledad167 0]

Thanks guys that really helps. I feel really bad about the lying too. But I don't want every move I make to be monitored. I haven't told my kids yet they are 11 and 7 because I don't want to tell them not to tell.

So I am not sure what I'm going to say to them.

You don't have to lie. Just tell them you cut down on your portions, and you're exercising more. This a personal decision, and you have the right to share this with who you want too. I told my 8 year old son at first I have to small surgery to fix my stomach. I've now told him the truth and he's fine with it, and totally respects my decision not to tell anyone.