Did you have to ask?

[Fluffy_Gurl 3]

I am getting ready to ask a family member for financial help o have the surgery. The problem is I'm not sure that they are going to be receptive to lending me the money or the surgery. At this point I dont see another option other than borrowing from them if they will lend it. I'm not sure how to ask without them feeling pressured to lend me the money but I also want them to know that I am serious about having the surgery and making the lifetime commitment to a lifestyle change. I really need to do this for my health..just like everyone else, I doubt anyone here has had the surgery simply for vanity reasons, its way too much work. So I guess I am just looking for some advice on how I approach this as they dont even know i have been looking ino having the surgery. My weight has always been a problem for me and I cant even recall the last time I wore a single digit size..if I ever reall did. Does anyone have any suggetions for me???

[jillrenee15 0]

If you feel you can ask family, go ahead and ask. If not, there are a lot of medical finance companies out there. The one I used charges a flat rate regardless of credit (11%). If you own your home, try for an equity loan. You could take $15,000, the interest on the loan would be tax deductible, not to mention all of the medical expenses would be deductible on your taxes next year. Be sure to shop around for the best price/doctor combination. If you were to take a personal unsecured loan, you would pay that rate of interest anyway. I wouldn't go to a doctor that charged 30,000 when I could drive a ways and go to one that charged 10,000, especially if their practices and experience were similar. Good luck!

[lapbandmom89 0]

Congratulations on your decision to get healthy. I have a few comments in regards to you post. I don't know your financial situation but I financed surgery for my daughter through one of the finance companies that my doctor referred us to. They had very reasonable interest rates and you even got to choose from say a 12 month, 18, 24 etc. I personnally chose the shortest term and am choking on some high payments so I wouldn't pay as much interest. Private message me if you want about what company I went with. If you have someone who would do that for you, that's great. If you have a choice I would go with a finance company rather than a friend or family member becuase I think then you are more determined to make this work because now its a financial investment too and there couldn't be hard feelings between you and this other person if you are late on a payment etc. I do think that in most cases, if you want something bad enough you will find a way to make it happen and I'm sure you will too. Good Luck.

Edited February 13, 2009 by lapbandmom89

[Jaffa 5]

I think you should first try financing it yourself. If that isn't possible, then maybe financing with the other person co-signing. But asking family for money is pretty much a recipe for disaster.

[flowers 0]

My weight has always been a problem for me and I cant even recall the last time I wore a single digit size..if I ever reall did. Does anyone have any suggetions for me???

I cant remember the last time my size was single digits and I dont plan on it again. Thats unrelistic for some of us, depending on how tall you are too. The fact that one person got to a size 8 and has responded several times, if she can do it, so can others. No we cant. Depends on your bones too. So, get that out of your head if you cant hit it. It is NOT possible for everyone, but that doesnt mean you cant lose weight.

My first question to you would be how much weight are you down since you decided you wanted the lapband? If you are indeed as determined as you say, you would already be walking outside and exercising and dropping weight and making the changes. Read the thread I read last night about someone who had the surgery last Nov, and hasnt lost anything. Lapband takes a lot of work, and even with resistance it isnt going to magically come off unless you change what your eat and how much you exercise. Changes you can start making now.

If you arent making these changes already and dropping some weight, then maybe the sleeve is a better choice for you and not the lapband. A lot of what you read here, many of us are taking the bull by the horns and pushing pushing pushing to lose by lots of work. You can call it a lifestyle change or a diet, whichever you term it, you have to change, which you can do now.

[gentylwind 1]

This is not a surgery I would ask a family member to help me with. There are a lot of people who fail weight loss surgery and borrowing that kind of money and not getting the results the person loaning it would expect will create friction in the relationship. Even if you do well, there's no guarantee it will be enough to satisfy the person shelling out thousands of dollars. Frankly, I never consider borrowing from family to be an option. 90% of the time it goes poorly and strains or ruins the relationship. Particularly in these hard times it is unfair to ask someone else to put up that kind of money, even if by your perception they have plenty of it.

There are institutions out there who will loan money for this with reasonable interest rates if your credit qualifies. If your credit is so poor that a loaning institution, who are in the business of assessing risk of default, will not loan you money, why should a family member assume that risk with money they may one day need for their own health or survival, particularly with what the economy is doing right now? I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it doesn't negate the truth of it. A poor risk for a bank is a poor risk for anyone.

If you insist on asking family for help with this, you need to seriously evaluate how you will feel toward that person and about yourself when/if they decline to loan it to you. If they agree to loan you money, you should have a plan for paying them back that starts IMMEDIATELY whether you lose weight or not. This plan needs to be put in writing and signed by both of you detailing how much the loan is for, what the terms of it are, how much you will pay them each month or week or whatever you agree to and state the fact that repayment is required regardless of progress or complications. Even if it is family, there needs to be no doubt on any party's side what the agreement was. You should realize too that if they loan you this money, they will very likely (rightly) feel it is their right to inquire about your loss, how you are doing, and to comment on your progress or lack thereof.

You should also have a plan for what you will do when/if there are complications, which are not uncommon. A flipped port requires another surgery. Slippage. Erosion. Development of a hernia. Gallbladder surgery. How will you cover any of that if the coffers are now empty from the surgery itself? You must have a plan, not just pray all goes well.

I strongly encourage you to find a way to do this yourself.

Edited February 13, 2009 by gentylwind

[tapshoes 2]

I absolutely 100% totally agree with Gentylwind...family should be an absolute LAST resort (if at all). A contractual arrangement that is written and signed is essential. And the family member, even if they don't say anything immediately, will always feel that they should have a right to ask about what your status is. If you are not someone who appreciates others be discussing your weight, your clothing size, your day-to-day progress, your meals, your exercise regimes, every nuance of what you do and eat, then don't do it. Unlike a finance company who cares nothing about you other than your payments, family memebers will feel they have a vested interest in you and will want to know. Personally, I couldn't do it.