Self Sabotage- Are you guilty?

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Carrie,

The best thing to do is come clean with your surgeon. Let him know you got off the bandwagon but you are ready to commit to the process again.

Junk food will get each one of us in trouble. I don't exclude it from my life, I plan for it. I know it's not realistic to think I'm never going to eat junk food again. When you plan for it, it's easier to avoid it everyday.

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Linda,

You have something there that is blocking you; it's not uncommon to not know what it is.

You might to journal when you reach for junk food to see if you can find the trigger that is causing you to make unhealthy choices.

Just something to think about.

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Atta,

Keep in mind we had surgery on our stomachs not our brains. I tell the surgeons I have on "The Band Banter" Talk Show all the time, can you guys figure out how to place a band on our brain instead of our stomach. It's not our stomachs that get us in trouble it's our brains.

I'll let ya'll know when the Brain-Band is available :ohmy:)

[Eficka 0]

Hey all I had my surgery in May 06 I have lost 50 pounds but from May 08 I have slowly gained 25 back. I know it is terrible and I realize it but I dont seem to have any power at all to get back on track.

I am seeing psychotherapist/food counselor, but still I often overeat to "kill" my feelings. I dont feel attractive anymore and I have no motivation whatsoever. I eat junk food, lots of food that dont get stuck (ice cream with cream or fat yougurth) basically anything that goes down smoothly. I dont have any fills and I wont be getting any, cause previously I had 1cc in my 10cc band and I had to be hospitalized due to stuck food.

I am on antidepressants and I want to get off them.

Any ideas how to get the motivation back?

I have been eating quite ok for last two days but I start to have cravings...

and I possibly cant make myself to go to the gym...

help please

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Eficka,

It sounds as if you have what we call in Coaching "Blocks" something is blocking you from being successful.

I hear this from my clients all the time, they "Stuff" their feelings. Instead of stuffing your feelings, really feel what you feel. It's okay to get mad, angry, or sad. Go with the moment and try to figure out why you are feeling what you are feeling, then move on. Don't hold onto these feelings, it's very destructive as you can see.

As far is the fill goes that happens to each one of us, however that one time of being too tight doesn't mean it will be that way the next time. It's a process and you have to go through the process.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do. I offer 30 minute complimentary Coaching sessions, that might help you as well.

I wish you the best of luck, you can turn this around I believe in you.

[trubleu 0]

Boy, I am the queen in this department. Previously I was able to "blame" the lack of proper fill for my very limited success. Then, with my third fill I got meaningful restriction. Now I know in my heart that the surgery along with proper fills are in place and the rest is UP TO ME and me alone. No more excuses. Now I have to admit that I screwed up, usually the quantity of food, and that only I can do better. There is a balance between the restriction of the tool and my personal contribution to the process. I can tell you many ways to defeat the band if that is the goal. Like someone else said.... we didn't have brain surgery.... too bad, huh? Good luck all. trubleu

Edited February 17, 2009 by trubleu

[CoachCher 1]

Hey Trubleu,

The first step is to admit your short comings, you have done that. Now you know what is happening it's up to you to get on the bandwagon. Keep telling yourself all the reasons you had this surgery and go back to the basics. That's the great thing about the band it's there when you are ready and it sounds like you ready to commit to your journey.

I wish you the best of luck, let me know how I can help you.

[Eficka 0]

Dear CoachCher,

thank you for your kind words and offer of trial session. My problem is I live in Czech Republic Europe, so it would be difficult to get to the USA :-) But maybe you do some counceling over skype or ICQ?

I know that fills are good, but I have been seeing my new nutritionist who is also a shrink and internist and she is the doctor from You are What you eat and from what we talked and I understand why she thinks Lap bands arent ethical. Because I would say 90% of us have eating disorder or disordered eating/ unhealthy relationship with food and that is why we should not get the band. Probably many of you will attack me, but as I see it, first I need to get my psyche in balance and I dare to insist that I would lose the weight without any problems.

I wont get a fill because I wouldnt be able to get all the nutritions that I need, based on lab test and different measurements.

I was mentally abused by my mother who used to tell me that Im fat and useless since I was 11 (even though when I look at the pics I had normal weight for my body type.And since 11 I was on different diets, being good girl when I was losing being bad and stupid when I wasnt. There is where my eating disorder (compulsive eating to stuff my feelings) comes from.

I did fool the psychologist at the pre op test cause I was desperate, but the tests werent that hard and during the talks you know whats right to say.

Maybe if I have met the nutritionist/internist/shring 3 years ago I wouldnt have decided to go with the lap band.

Im not saying LapBand is bad but, it should have been given only to people...Im trying to guess to whom, cause its a circle, we are obese cause we simply eat to much or junk or we have eating disorder.

I will try to work on it all and I hope once my psyche is ok my band and I will work together just fine :-))

[ashleyrenee 0]

Wow. I just have to say thank you to all of you for what you wrote. I just got on lap band talk today for the first time in a few weeks because i got really discouraged today! I think i am the worlds worst self sabotager! This past few weeks i have been eating so good, working out everyday, and losing weight! but this weekend i went out of town and told myself i could eat how i wanted because i was out of town...and since then i have been eating like its going out of style! Why do we do this? It seems like i do this in all aspects of my life. Eating, school..you name it. What am i afraid of? I dont know. Anyway i appreciate all of yalls responses...because when you start feeling this way you can begin to feel alone and it helps to see that I'm not!

[JoanieP 2]

This article and the many replies were so very informative. I too have been guilty of the whole self sabotage thing. I am almost 3yrs out and have just this week finally past the 100lb mark with only 9lbs to go to my goal, although I don't really think that goal is as important to me as it once was.

I get stuck alot and have to throw up more than I should, but have only myself to blame. I sometimes feel like I haven't learned a damned thing about my eating habits in almost 3 yrs.

Thanks for being there for all of us! Joanie :sneaky:)

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Eficka,

I can relate to what you are saying, I too was abused as a small child however mine was sexual. I would relate sex to love, not a good thing I promise.

We are not a product of our upbringing, we have to accept what happened to us as children, 1. it was not our fault and 2. it will not define who we are as adults.

I'm not going to bash you, but I do disagree with the nutritionist. I would say 100% of us have eating disorders that's why we choose to have the surgery. We all had/have a unhealthy relationship with food, we use food to Celebrate, comfort, cure boredom the list goes on and on.

It has nothing to do with us losing weight we all know how to do that, what we don't know how to do is keep it off. With the band I have been able to keep off 80 pounds, without the band I would of gained it all back without a doubt.

Do some people require counseling after surgery? Of course they do, as the weight is falling off they have to face this new person and really feel what they feel as opposed to stuffing their feelings. This could/would happen if they lost weight on their own without surgery.

I don't believe placing a band on someone who has a eating disorder is unethical. As with diet and exercise the band is only a "Tool" it's not the be all end all.

All of my coaching is done via telephone or email, so skype would be easy to use for coaching as well.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck, you can do this I promise.

[DannyLu 0]

I think I've worn my fat as suit of armour for a long time. It's a way to avoid having people pay too much attention to me. I was in a very jelous relationship once and I've felt uncomfortable about having male attention ever since. That was so long ago, it's time to let it go. I am a little nervous about dealing with that though, when the time comes.

I am a very emotional eater. I get bored or lonely or stressed and I want to EAT A LOT!! I quit smoking a couple years ago, so after this, there's no vices left...little scary! In my dream land, exercise will be my new vice...lol!

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Ashleyrenee,

You are part of a community and you are not alone. This is why I do what I do, think of me as the "Band Connector". I write these articles so others know they are not alone. I'm almost 5 years out and trust me I still face the same issues that someone who is 4 weeks out. Thankfully I know how to handle them now but my food addiction still rears it's ugly head every now and then.

We have to stay connected to those who are taking the same journey as you are. I always encourage others to share their story, who knows you may strike a cord in someone or they might strike a cord in you. The only way to know if someone is feeling what you are is to post it on the board and watch them come to your side.

I wish you the best of luck. Let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.

[Whitepants 0]

This is why I love LapBand Talk. Just when you think you can't find anyone sharing what you're going through just look and you'll find threads like this. Some times I want to start a thread but feel I'm the only one with the situation at that time.

I'm going through self sabotage again. I'm 30lbs from my set weight goal, but 50 lbs from what I may want to be.

My weakness is carbs and like most desserts/junk foods. I eliminate them from my diet so much that when I do have them I quickly become obsessed and out of control with them. Just like now these last few weeks. I'm coming to grips with it and getting back in control.

I know there is also underlaying issues going on. And pretty much of them I have read here. With my teenager having her own social life, a junior in high school and other activities I have a lot more time to myself. I go to the gym about 2 -5 times a week and get home after 8:30pm. The morale at my job is low and I'm burned out with my daily routine. Although I usually don't keep junk food in my home or at work, when I buy them, I eat them within a day or two. Mostly the same day.

So, I have a lot of soul searching and identifying to do to find out what is sending me over the edge. I'm just coming to terms with my new body. Between becoming comfortable with where I am and hitting plateaus, I'm yo-yoing between gaining and losing weight.

I think one of my issues is not having much of a social life myself. My sister/friend has been in a coma for more than a year, another friend suffers from depression and I really don't have any other friends I care to socialize with.

I've started Swing Dance, so I'm hoping they'll be my new social group. We're all the same age 50+, so our children are pretty much on their own which leaves us time for ourself.

So, I'll be returning to keep in touch and with help from the thread we'll found out more about ourselves and what is holding us back.

Thanks for being here.

[CoachCher 1]

Hi Whitepants,

Good for you getting out there and swing dancing, I love that. Your right the underlying issue us your job and not enough social connections.

You are on the right track making the social connections, as far as the job goes you can do one of two things, try to change the moral or find a new job. I'm sure the latter would be hard to do in these economic times but at least you could keep your eyes open for new opportunities.

We are a community who has to "Band Together" ( no pun intended, since it's the name of my company) and help each other out.

Everyone always thinks they are alone and no one else is going through this, that couldn't be further from the truth. Next time you feel that way make a post and watch the people come out and agree with you/support you.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.