Seeking Advice on Family...

[Ale78 0]

So I am here for extra support. So far I have told my DH and boss about the surgery and that’s it. I am very close to my family and I don't think they would be supportive. My Mom actually realized my fears last week. I asked her to watch my daughter for an appointment and told her I was going to see a psychologist, which is sort of true. I am seeing one to work out the mental issues that got me here in the first place. Anyway here is what she said “I am so glad you are going this route instead of that ridicules stomach surgery, that’s such a cop-out!” This from a woman who has been trying for YEARS to lose a good 80 lbs and has not managed to lose one pound. It’s funny too because I never mentioned even thinking about having surgery to her at all. On top of that she can’t keep anything to herself so if I tell her I might as well tell my whole extended family and I am just not ready for that.

I am thinking about telling her I need a hernia operation…lol. Is that bad? I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place I am not a person who lies anyway, let alone to my Mom! What have you all done? Anything? It wouldn’t be so hard but she lives less than 2 miles away and we talk almost everyday, not always by my choice.:thumbdown: She is also very persistant. If she so much hears a tweak in my voice she askes questions until I just blurt out something to shut her up. So I think not telling her I am having some sort of surgery isn't an option....she will know anyway...ha!

I know this al sounds terrible and she probably isn't as bad as I make her sound but almost!

I can't wait for your input...Please help me:scared2:

Thanks!

~A

[Brockbabe82 0]

I'm sorry sweetie you are having such trouble with the people who should be the most supportive. Put aside anyone else's feelings because this is about you, no one else. You are doing this so that you can have a better life, a healthier life. Do what you have to do regardless of anyone's feelings. wls is not a cop out it is hard and not just anyone can do it. The only person who can advocate for your health is you so don't worry about the rest. If your mother or anyone in your life doesn't support you then it is their loss, not yours. Tell them it's your body, your decision , and there are a hell of a lot more risks for staying obese.

So girl do your thing, do this FOR YOU!

Congrats on taking the next step to start a happier and healthier future and remember we are all here for support.

[mljalways 1]

I think you should do whatever you are most comfortable doing. I was surprised at my parents reaction. I thought they would be ok with it but after telling them I found out they had some issues. It turned out that their issues were of concern about placing a foreign object into my body but they understood it was what I wanted and once it was over and I was ok they are totally supportive. Hope it goes well for you whatever decision you make.

[gentylwind 1]

I just didn't tell the people I didn't want to know and emphasized to those I did tell that this is absolutely confidential and I purposefully only told a few.

Just don't tell her. The recovery and change is not dramatic enough for anyone to notice you had surgery.

[gentylwind 1]

Oh...and anyone who thinks this is the easy way out has no idea what they are talking about. This is HARD with a capital H. We still have to make all the same good choices and exercise and watch what we eat. Any loss comes from effort. Its super easy to eat around the band and not only not lose, but gain.

Don't listen to the negativity and don't let toxic people influence your goal. If you want to do it, you can.

[bearbandit 0]

For me personally I told everyone. Why hide something that I am proud of. It is not a 'cop out'. Its a lot of work to use the tool. Besides I was never a person who actually cared about what people think. If they dont support me, then so be it. Fortunatelly all the people close to me are in full support of it. Good luck.

[raeraepa 0]

The recovery is very easy and you could probably pass it off as a stomach virus. But if the recovery is a little harder on you then what. However you could tell her you were having a hernia operation, I would. I wish I did tell my mother it was a different type of operation. Everyone is already judgmental of heavy people it is something we have all dealt with. If she already thinks that the band is a cop out then when she finds out she will have nothing good to say and discourage you. I had issues with my mother. Except she had the RNY surgery and thinks the band isnt as good. (Actually she lied to everyone and told us she had her gallbladder out till months after the operation.) So when I had a little complication first thing was see I told you the band isnt as good. This was a choice I made I have been heavy since 6th grade and am done. Now every time she calls she hounds me on how much I have lost. It is aggravating. Do what you think is best, this is a great support forum and there are always great people here to listen and help. You will do great you are changing your life and will be ahppy with your decision. I am!

Rae

[bigmomma73 0]

If you tell her it's a hernia operation, will she want to be at the hospital and see you thru recovery? I understand your feelings of wanting to be discreet. The only ones that know I had it done are my 2 oldest children, my husband, my father, and my best friend, that's it. I didn't tell my mom, because I felt she would judge me and monitor me constantly. Not telling her was easy because we aren't that close. I had the surgery done out of state, I told everyone I was going out of state with my husband for a few days, because his work was sending him there for training. Nobody asked any questions. I kind of hung low for the first few days back and when someone called I told them I had a stomach virus and just wasn't feeling well. Nobody suspected anything.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

My dad is very judgmental and I told him I had my gall bladder out. He was always on my case about my weight. Since I was a self pay, I knew he would always be making snotty comments on how I had to pay 10 grand to lose weight because I didn't have the willpower to "do it right"

He can eat whatever he wants and never gains weight and has no idea what it's like. I have never regretted not telling him.

[Ale78 0]

Thank you all so much for your input! I would just not say anything at all but I have a 4 year old daughter...so she may spill the Beans on me even though I don't really plan on telling her much.

Who knew this would be the hardest part of getting prepared...lol

[TQUAD64 9]

Don't you just love moms! For better or worse they never stop mothering.

You must set up your personal boundries. If you think it will cause you stress by telling certain people the procedure you are going to have, then don't tell.

You will have enough to deal with without family drama. Safe guard your emotional well-being and divert your attention away from negative people.

I personally, did not tell anyone, but my sister. And the only reason why my sister knows is because I needed an emergency contact person for my hospital forms. Plus, if anything were to have happened to me, my sister is as strong as a rock and would be there to help guide my adult children.

My employer does not know. My parents do not know, nor do my friends know. I really never have discussed medical issues with friends, family or co-workers.

Good luck!

[kgloverii 0]

I chose to tell everyone who wanted to know. I want them to know there are options for long term success. They look at me and KNOW without a DOUBT that the band WORKS. But, some people are self-conscious about having people 'watch what they eat' etc. DH told his dad (who is not really close to us, and lives on the other side of the country). I was NOT comfortable with that because of his personality... but I got over it. What is done is done. And now, I look hot. :thumbup:

BTW, my young kids knew what I had done, obviously in very simple terms. They have mentioned my 'rubber band' in public a couple times. I guess I am glad I am honest about it. Rather have me tell, than my kids. LOL.

[DaMomb 1]

Everyone is different, but I am the kind of person that doesn't have any secrets. Sometimes that is good, sometimes it isn't. My hope is that my success will be an encouragement for someone that might have considered WLS, but just wasnt sure if they should or not. Being overweight is horrible, and affects almost every area of your life. If knowing that I have had this surgery helps someone else make this decision, then I feel like I have helped someone. If your mom has struggled with the same 80# her whole life then even if she is negative about this in the beginning, when she sees you succeed, I bet her attitude will change.

Good luck to you!

[gabi311b 0]

I had a little anxiety when I told my parents but they were so supportive and they are actually helping me pay for it since I'm a self-pay patient.

I have been going to Overeaters Anonymous for about 6 months now to help with the head hunger issues that I have struggled with my whole life. The hardest part I have found in who to tell and who not to tell is my sponsor at OA. Even though there are quite a few people there that have already had WLS, it is kind of a taboo subject to have WLS after you have stopped the bingeing. I told her I'm going to be having hernia surgery so she knows that I won't be able to call her every day but I still feel bad for lying. I know it's my body and my decision but I just don't want to face her on this issue.

[Oregondaisy 2,021]

Sometimes it's just easier to not tell when you don't want to listen to everyone's comments. I have told people the truth. I exercise, and I have reduced my portion size. I told people that I did Slim fast low carb for a month to jump start my weight loss. None of this is a lie.

the people who I knew would be supportive are people I told. The ones I knew would be judgmental are people I just don't feel need to know. It's definitely a need to know basis.