raging anger and completly discouraged, who me?

[vinesqueen 2]

I initally had great loss, I was going like gang busters. I lost 35 pounds by almost the 3 month. Yes, 10 or 15 pounds were Water weight because I had a sever edema problem. Yes no more edema was one of my first NSVS. But whee! the weight was coming off! Then my weight loss stopped. I gained about 5 pounds before my first fill.

After my first fill last month I lost 1 pound. This month I lost 1 pound. 2 months, 2 pounds. At the support meeting this week, I had my official weigh-in. 1 pound down since last month. I was so angry and pissed off and discouraged, words fail to express my disapointment. I have attempted to be the model bandster.

I feel like I had good restriction, and my food has been ... small. My calories have been in the zone. But no loss. 2 months and 2 pounds. So angry. So many tears.

Yes, I have had so many NSV I've thought about starting a thread dedicated to all my NSV. Yes, this weekend I actually bought a LARGE jacket, not a XXL jacket. But this NSV was completely obliteraged by my non-loss. Stupid scale. Failure me.

5 months ago They were considering putting me on oxygen therapy. Again. Today I don't even cary a puffer with me, and I run for the bus without a second thought. Okay, my second thought is "I wonder what these people think of big fat me running," and my thrid thought is "don't get in my way!" I chased my sweet 6' tall baby through a parking lot this weekend, him trying his best to not get caught, me doing my dardest to catch him. We ran around for about 2 minutes. Yeah, not long, but I was running to catch him. Not even out of breath, except for maybe the laughter.

But the scale hasn't moved in 2 months and I feel like a failure.

I was so angry I actually had a temper tantrum. I was so upset I almost quit everything related to the band. I was so upset to the point that I almost came here a deleted every one of my posts. All of them. I felt like a lier, like what could I possibly have to contribute because I am not loosing.

But I waited. I know better to act in the heat of my anger.

Of course, my wonderful Spudboy and DH have tried to put things into perspective for me. They have noticed my size change. They have noticed my increased energy and my increased spirits. They keep pointing out that I've been really sick for so long, and that my body is probably rebuiling the muscle that I've lost.

This summer, I have had on going health issues that are not related to the band. I've had on going GYN issues, including a ruptured overian cyst. Talk about painful! I never passed out from the pain from tthat, but man I was close. I went through almost an entire bottle of phenegren in two weeks because of the pain induced nausia. Anyway, I spent 2 months on various drugs that normally cause weight gain, but I maintained. I suppose that is an NSV, but again, the NSV is obliterated by the scale.

I know the scale lies. I've known that it lies for at least decade, but yet I still listen to what it says. I am so very discouraged. I have a fill appointment schedule so I have a fill before I go off to Idaho. The next opportunity I have for a fill will be November.

Why can't I take my own advice? Why can't I be kind to myself? Stupid scale.

[g curtis 0]

Oh Vinesqueen,

I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. You have been so helpful to me and so many others in the past, I wish I could make it all better for you . You know eventually you will start losing again, but I do understand how frustrating it is when you dont. I tend to weigh every 4 weeks and am due to weigh tomorrow and know that in a month I have not lost anything and did'nt lose a great deal last month, but I'll hang on there if you do I know you'll be ok.

Please keep you're chin up

Much love

Gaynor

[the best me 6]

Why can't I take my own advice? Why can't I be kind to myself? Stupid scale.< /div>

So this isn't your own advice. It's mine. Be kind to yourself. The scale is stupid.

Don't let it get to you. Avoid it. Don't weigh. And for Pete's Sake, Give It A Minute!!! Your body is healing itself, restoring itself, renewing itself. It's such a marvelous creation, it's self-maintaining and it's dadgum taking care of itself. Let your body do it's work and don't get in it's way. Your job is to feed it properly and maintain good mental health. The frustration and anger and negative vibes over the scale are interfering with your body's health. Take a deep breath and Let It Go! You are nourished, healthful, and full of wonderful living and loving and giving and beautiful life. Breathe it in, girl!!! FEEL it! Isn't it just SOOOOOO good?!!!!!! Eat well, live well, chase your son through the parking lots and run for the bus. THIS is the good stuff. Zip up that size large jacket and strut your stuff. Git 'er done!!!!

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}} Crystal. Please don't be discouraged. I think you are just awesome!

[LilAngel 0]

Oh my! I wish I had some answers! Losing weight is so completely foreign to me, that I still have not figured out why the body fights us so hard to maintain its chunk-o supply. People are always saying to me when I diet, “Well, your body is just trying to maintain itself. Like self-preservation!” I always think to myself, “What the hell is wrong with you?! Do I look like I am starving to death?” But honestly, they are probably right! Yipes! And so the mystery continues…

I can tell you this, though. I have been on these boards for only a short while during this pre-band time, but I am always delighted to see when you post. You seem really great and I wish all the best for you. I was truly saddened to see you so down. DO NOT GIVE UP! Maybe with this next fill, things will slowly start to turn around. This probably isn’t very helpful at the moment, but I will have you in my thoughts and will be back to see how you are doing.

-Angel

[Rae 2]

>>>A carrot, an egg and coffee... You will never look at any of them

>>>the same way again.

>>>

>>>A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and

>>>how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going

>>>to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and

>>>struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

>>>

>>>Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with

>>>water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil.

>>>In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and

>>>in the last she placed ground coffee Beans. She let them sit and

>>>boil, without saying a word.

>>>

>>>In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the

>>>carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and

>>>placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it

>>>in a bowl.

>>>

>>>Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me, what do you see?"

>>>

>>>"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied. Her mother brought her

>>>closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that

>>>they were soft.

>>>

>>>The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

>>>After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

>>>Finally, the

>>>mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as

>>>she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, "What does it

>>>mean, mother?"

>>>

>>>Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same

>>>adversity ... boiling Water . Each reacted differently. The carrot

>>>went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being

>>>subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The

>>>egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid

>>>interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside

>>>became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however.

>>>After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

>>>

>>>"Which are you?" she asked her daughter.

>>>

>>>"When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a

>>>carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

>>>

>>>Think of this: Which am I?

>>>

>>>Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I

>>>wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

>>>

>>>Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with

>>>the heat? Did I have a Fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup,

>>>a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened

>>>and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I

>>>bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

>>>

>>>Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot

>>>water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water

>>>gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the

>>>bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the

>>>situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are

>>>their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level?

>>>

>>>How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

>>>

>>>May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to

>>>make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to

>>>make you happy.

>>>

>>>The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of

>>>everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

>>>

>>>The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you

>>>can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and

>>>heartaches.

>>>

>>>When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was

>>>smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is

>>>smiling and everyone around you is crying.

>>>

>>>You might want to send this message to those people who mean

>>>something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life

>>>in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really

>>>need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when

>>>you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to

>>>those who are so meaningful in your life.

[Mita 2]

Throw the damm scale out.. Pleaseeeeeeeeeee

You are on the right track those numbers do not mean a thing.. You are seeing it in your health and in your clothes.. I have seen the same dang number since May and it is frustrating but I need to keep going, so do you and you can I know it:)

You are doing so awesome in your posts and replies to keep as all going on our journey

You give us hope that one day we too will be running around or smaller clothes or dropping at least one medication at a time.

Those numbers will drop soon enough just keep on what you are doing.

Best wishes Vines - don't hit the delete button cause you inspire us to think different about ourselves.

[ReneBean 3]

Dang - where is that post about smashing the scale and lighting it on fire? Just do it.

Think back to why you started this. I can't speak for you - so I will have to use my own example.

I am here because I feel like crap every day and - if I don't just drop over dead in the next 15 minutes - I face the next 40 yrs in pain and misery if I don't change my body.

I suspect that you had similar reasons for starting this. PLEASE - try and remember that the scale only produces a meaningless number.

I am doing this to get a life. LOVE that large jacket. LOVE the running. Burn the scale and love yourself.

Everyone on LBT does - you can count on it.

xo

[Duckie 0]

Thanks, Rae!

[Iluvharleys 15]

After my first fill last month I lost 1 pound. This month I lost 1 pound. 2 months, 2 pounds. At the support meeting this week, I had my official weigh-in. 1 pound down since last month. I was so angry and pissed off and discouraged, words fail to express my disapointment. I have attempted to be the model bandster.

I feel like I had good restriction, and my food has been ... small. My calories have been in the zone. But no loss. 2 months and 2 pounds. So angry. So many tears.

Vines,

I have done exactly the same thing. All I can say is just stick with what you are doing and it will move. I went over 2 months and felt so bad, but when I noticed that the clothes were fitting different and I actually could notice I felt better. I sometimes think our bodies need the time to catch up with the weight loss. I still have the habit of seeing myself still big and fat! When I say that, everyone tells me I am wrong. So, I can only tell you to hang in there, things will change and get better for you.

You just need a great big "HUG" so consider yourself hugged for the day!

[DeLarla 22]

"I was so angry I actually had a temper tantrum." Vine, I think you're handling it fine! I'm thinking you need to throw a shoe at something. I'm not good with warm and fuzzy, but I'm all about getting damn mad. Maybe it would kick in your metabolism? I think hot anger is a fat melter.

Girl, I'm in the same (sinking) boat because I've been eating like most normal folks but I've gained a few more pounds. Water, schmater, I'm fat and that's that. Throw the scale off the damn balcony and go get yourself a pedicure and marvel at how lovely your 10 little berries are at the end of your darling feet. Put on a dress and go to the drugstore pantiless with your newly painted toes (go bright pink or purple) and spend too much money on a bunch of make up that you'll never use.

You are a warm blooded faboulous woman that doesn't need to take no crap from a damn scale (prolly invented by a man.)

[vinesqueen 2]

I didn't throw a single shoe. I threw both of my shoes after kicking the building. Then I stomped around -- like 8 blocks worth of stomping. I got to the freeway and decided I couldn't stomp home, so I stomped the 4 blocks back. Then I pounded on the dashboard... not the most spectacular temper tantrum I've ever had, but ... at least there was no property damage this time.

Oh, when I throw a temper tantrum, I do it right. DH handled it like a champ though. He didn't try to "do" anything to calm me down. It was the first temper tantrum he's ever seen me have.

[ReneBean 3]

***AND***

Since when has it been about being LIGHTER?

This whole process is about getting THINNER.

If you want a number to think about - try your latest dress size - SMASH THAT scale.

[Marimaru 7]

Oh goodness. I could haven written this post a few times in the las 6 months. Or at least something very similar. It sounds like my 2 temper tantrums weren't as spectacular as yours, but I had them nonetheless.

By January of this year I'd lost 45 lbs since being banded the previous July. Yay! And then it didn't move after that. Okay, okay, I wasn't exersizing, so I started. I started from doing nothing, to walking a block to walking almost 3 miles a day. Still nothing moved (and when I mean nothing, I mean neither the scale, NOR my clothing size). After a couple of months I got mad that the exersizing wasn't working, so I quit doing it. Then the scale managed to move 5 more lbs in the right direction within the next couple of months, then nothing since probably May. Again I started and stopped exersizing because it really didn't seem to do me any good. (never mind feeling better and having more energy, that stuff doesn't matter, right?) All this time I was staying between probably 1400 and 1600 calories if you don't count the holiday weekends that included alcohol, and 'bad days', of which there weren't too many. How can that many calories support 230 lbs?!?!

In the meantime, I'm finally noticing myself in the mirror. I think in the last six months, my body has done what my head needed it to do. The difference between what my mind wants, and what my brain needs, I guess. I stand ever-so-slightly taller now, and hey, that's not as big as it used to be, and it's a little harder to get the 'double chin thing' going... little stuff like that. And I'll tell you something, as soon as I started to notice these things, and NOT be so bitter about the damn scale (and bitter I was), it started moving just last week. I also started not going over 1300 calories. Obviously the calorie range I was at was a 'maintenance' level, no matter how screwy I thought the math was.

I guess all of the above just says "you'll come out fine on the other end" which is fine and dandy for someone to say, but might not mean anything when you are still waiting for it to happen. But I also felt like kind of a fraud posting on some of the forums, and backed off alot for a while, and then got over my bitterness and started posting more. I think there's 'stages of frustration' with this thing, and we have to work through it. I guess I don't have a profound point to make, just little tidbits of my own knowledge that hopefully make you feel the slightest bit better maybe? At least the idea that you aren't alone?

[dylansmom 27]

I'm glad that you didn't leave. You've supported me countless times, and have always done it with a smile. You're one of the most selfless and caring individuals on this board, and WE NEED YOU HERE!!!

I feel your pain about the numbers not moving. Even when I was exercising 4 days/week and eating a healthful vegetarian diet, those dang numbers wouldn't move more than a pound below what I am at right now.

It's frustrating, infuriating, and downright tisses me off sometimes - but then I stop to think about how far I have come from my heaviest weight. I think about how I can chase my son around without thinking that I'm going to drop over dead, and I think about how I am at least one size smaller than what I used to be.

Keep reminding yourself of how far you've come, and it'll help keep your mind off of how far you have to go. (I have to give myself this pep talk ALL OF THE TIME!)

Good luck my sweets. I know this journey isn't an easy one, but the important thing is that we are doing it, and we are better people for that reason.

Lots of Love to You!

[the best me 6]

I didn't throw a single shoe. I threw both of my shoes after kicking the building. Then I stomped around -- like 8 blocks worth of stomping. I got to the freeway and decided I couldn't stomp home, so I stomped the 4 blocks back. Then I pounded on the dashboard... not the most spectacular temper tantrum I've ever had, but ... at least there was no property damage this time.

Oh, when I throw a temper tantrum, I do it right. DH handled it like a champ though. He didn't try to "do" anything to calm me down. It was the first temper tantrum he's ever seen me have.

Bless his heart. That sounds like a goodie to me! Way to go! Too bad you didn't have the scale underneath your stomping feet! hehe

Are you feeling better? (((((((((Big hugs))))))))))