Sex Question? Does this have to do with being Obese?

[xgrl 0]

Hi Everyone I have a strange question or situation to ask about....

I'm a 24 year old morbidly obese female, I'm trying to get back into having sex after a 3 year dry spell... the guy I'm with is great only one this sex is just not enjoyable or as fun as I think it is for others. It's okay or I describe it as "eh" see the thing is it's not the guy he's doing everything to make it great for me but it's just not It's like my whole sex drive has gone straight out the window although I want to have enjoyable fun sex....I try and nothing happens.

Does anyone else have this problem I feel like I'm a weirdo because I don't enjoy sex

[Jaffa 5]

Being heavy plays hell on your hormones. Hormones largely make the difference, so for heavy people it is normal. It is partially, your fairly normal at your age.

Keep losing the weight, and try to get your excercise level up....it will get better.

[rcruz 0]

Ditto Jaffa lose some weight and you too will enjoy it. I used to make every excuse not to have it now I crave it and hubby well...can't keep up you would be surprised at losing just 30lbs can do!!! Good luck!!!

[susan1961 0]

Are you on any medications that could affect your sex drive or the body's response to sex? The SSRI antidepressants (Prozac and cousins) are notorious for causing anorgasmia (can't orgasm) and this is a frequent reason folks stop them.

[avanderhoof 0]

I hear you on this one. I am a 25 year old mother of 3. Obviously at some point I enjoyed sex , but right now I HATE it. For me it is mostly my self esteem. I hate the way I look, and hate for anyone (even my partner of 6 years) to see me nude. While I am so worried about my looks, if my fat is thumping around, my boobs are up around my neck, ect. I just can't focus on being in the mood. My partner has become more and more upset about this and is getting angry about the 6 week spans we go without being intimate. I hope that after losing some weight and seeing what I CAN do with my body I will have more self esteem and this will resolve itself.

Have you considered if yours could be a similar issue?

[gingerbug 3]

Well, do you enjoy sex alone? If you are able to get yourself off with reasonable enjoyment then the problem may lie with your partner. If you dont ever paddle your own canoe, this might be a good time to start and figure out what you like so you can tell your partner what you enjoy!

[Jaffa 5]

Or you could be paddling your own canoe to much. Hey if you can't love yourself, who can you love? LOL

[Jachut 487]

Yeah, doncha hate it when you do that and then hubby makes a move :-o? Once its over its over for me, no second comings so to speak.

I find for me, its nothing to do with weight. Its more to do with physical changes after 3 pregnancies, being 41 and on the downward slide hormonally (big time lubrication issues here) and just being so freaking busy that its another job to do. I have to MAKE myself do it 3 or 4 times a week. Its always always great, I always enjoy it, but would I ever say I want to do it. No. Although I will feel in the mood at relatively odd times during the day so there's something still connecting my brain and my bits.

But use it or lose it I say, so I just make myself relax, resign myself to the fact that I will have to get up again and have a shower and go with it.

[maestrita 43]

I think it really is just your age. It is fairly common for women not to enjoy sex physically or have drive until they are older. It will likely get better in a couple of years. I don't know about obesity being a factor because I was HOT when I was your age, and I really wasn't all that into it either. I mean, the intimacy was the big part of it for me. The physical stuff just happens a little later for us. I didn't really have much mojo until I was about 27, or so.

[Jachut 487]

That's true too, its so much better as you get older and learn how your body works.

For DH and I, we just kind of "gave up" on him getting me off, unless we wanted to spend 3 hours until his hand fell off. For me, its got to be exactly WHAT I want (changes every time), at the right time, at the right speed, at the right pressure etc, its just stupid, but that's how it is. I will never ever orgasm through intercourse alone. So I participate in our sessions and over time, DH has learned just what he can do to make the process explosive, lol. It makes sex a lot more satisfying and less frustrating that you're just not getting into it.

But that takes confidence and trust in your partner, most guys would probably love it if you started touching yourself in front of them, but it'd be a difficult thing to do with a new partner. And I think its bothered DH at various times that he cant do it for me, its a bit of an ego thing.