Octuplets and SIX other children??!!!

[anniedub 0]

As serious and sad as the situation is, I can't help but giggle when she is referred to as "Octo-pussy" :thumbup:

[pattygreen 5]

Um, NO, according to at least two of the children she already has -- based on what they've said or how they act out for lack of attention NOW.

As for your opinion, I'm not surprised you disagree. And frankly, I don't care. You couldn't be more wrong. How can she POSSIBLY give those kids undivided attention, especially if she is going to school/writing a book/working, or whatever she thinks she's going to do. Then there's here self-centeredness. How the hell can she find time for them when all she has time for is herself?

And as for your personal offense, I couldn't care less about that either. The fact that you have adult children living at home so many years past the time they should be taking care of themselves speaks volumes.

Yes, It speaks volumes in my favor. My 18 year old is still in her first year of college and saves money by commuting, my 19 year old JUST graduated trade school in January and is now searching for a job in his computer field while he works full time and is trying to pay off his student loans, my 21 year old is a single mom of 1 and can't afford her own place AND daycare, so she needs to live here, but rents her room, and my 22 year old is mentally handicapped, and can't live on her own. So, if you feel that they are living home for sooooo many years past the time they should be out on their own, then you would be an uncaring, unhelpful,unsupportive parent IMO. I could see you kicking your 18 year olds out the door as soon as high school was done and telling them "Well, you're on your own, get out!"

[pattygreen 5]

You didn't have 10 kids all the same age either.

So, we were talking about giving a houseful of kids love and attention. What's the difference how old they are? 10 five year olds or 10 kids of differing ages.

[BethFromVA 5]

Yes, It speaks volumes in my favor. My 18 year old is still in her first year of college and saves money by commuting, my 19 year old JUST graduated trade school in January and is now searching for a job in his computer field while he works full time and is trying to pay off his student loans, my 21 year old is a single mom of 1 and can't afford her own place AND daycare, so she needs to live here, but rents her room, and my 22 year old is mentally handicapped, and can't live on her own. So, if you feel that they are living home for sooooo many years past the time they should be out on their own, then you would be an uncaring, unhelpful,unsupportive parent IMO. I could see you kicking your 18 year olds out the door as soon as high school was done and telling them "Well, you're on your own, get out!"

IMO, your JOB is to raise them up to be able to be on their own. It's not a matter of kicking them out, it's a matter of them having sufficient skills to BE on their own.

We've had this conversation before. (EDIT: Read posts 280 and 283).

If they don't have these skills, then it tells me the parent is either an enabler or did not do their job sufficiently enough for their kids to be on their own. Perhaps not enough time was devoted to each child.

I too was a single mom (left my ex-husband when my DD was 7 months old) and never once lived with my mother. I worked, paid for daycare, AND an apartment all on my own.

Edited March 13, 2009 by BethFromVA

[green 6]

I have to agree if it is at all possible to stay at home with the kids, then do it. But I do understand for single parent households that this more likey not possible.

When I was married and the kids were young we were able to take advantage of our odd shift work. At one time hubby worked swings and I worked days, which helped limit day care use. Plus, we always had family.

But when I divorced, the kids were 6 and 10 and I had no support system, so daycare and school was it. I had to work. Being a parent is so challenging.

When I was working building aircraft, I worked permanent off shift because I didn't like to get up in the mornings. There were a lot of couples who had young children who were working that shift. I knew one young husband whose ma-in-law was looking after the baby during the change in shift and he used to take his own time going home in order to avoid dealing with the afternoon dirty diaper. I boasted to him that I had never, ever changed one. He said to me: Green, live long enough and you'll be changing one - your own! I could only laugh.... He had a point, I thought.

[DivaStyleCoach 89]

Re: Parents at home with children

Ideally, a parent would be able to stay home with the children while the other parent worked. In today's economy, however, that isn't always possible.

My mom couldn't stay home with us - economic reality.

I couldn't stay home with my first child, but I did for quite a while with my DD. It was wonderful at first, but I was one of those that needed the outside stimulus of a job. Probably because I did NOT have the stay-at-home mom.

I don't see how she's going to be able to do it all - she cannot spend time with all of her children NOW, let alone when she tries to find a full-time job with benefits!

Take 8 hours out of an already overstuffed day and she is just NOT going to be able to spend quality time each day with each child.

[green 6]

Yes, It speaks volumes in my favor. My 18 year old is still in her first year of college and saves money by commuting, my 19 year old JUST graduated trade school in January and is now searching for a job in his computer field while he works full time and is trying to pay off his student loans, my 21 year old is a single mom of 1 and can't afford her own place AND daycare, so she needs to live here, but rents her room, and my 22 year old is mentally handicapped, and can't live on her own. So, if you feel that they are living home for sooooo many years past the time they should be out on their own, then you would be an uncaring, unhelpful,unsupportive parent IMO. I could see you kicking your 18 year olds out the door as soon as high school was done and telling them "Well, you're on your own, get out!"

My, but this post carries the stench of self-congratulatory boastfulness, and justification. I don't think that Pattygreen's God would find this too attractive. I gather that He preferred a humble attitude.

[*slim* 2]

But you forgot, she is His special chosen one.:thumbup:

[Kat817 19]

Yes, she is going to need the help for years to come, not just til the children are mobile as was mentioned before.

Just taking a wild guess here, and running it through my head (I probably should get up here and grab a calculator!!!) 24 hours in a day - say 6 to sleep - 1 to shower and prepare herself - we will give her a short school or work schedule and say 5 hours a day doing that with travel time - and with just those things half the 24 is gone, and she now has 12 hours left to study, run the home, and nurture 14 kids. I am sure she will have help with laundry and meals---but she too should be involved in doing those things--she CHOSE this, to be absolved of all responsibility in it, teaches her nothing. I know many of us would like to see her seriously punished---but even those who of us who do not want punishment, should agree that she needs a dose of reality.

Life with 3 kids means there are days where you never find time to dress and are dealing with sick kids all day. And there were times that it felt like I always had a kid with a problem of some sort or another. I mean there was always a loose tooth to look at or a sore throat, or a scraped knee, or all kinds of other things, that they each DESERVED to have noticed. And because I was working, even tho it was here at home, it felt sometimes like having time to look at whatever it was, as well as the homework, and the progress reports to sign and return, and on and on and on. There was always a slip to sign or pictures to be bought, or lunches to pack, and with 3 they preferred different things--but I knew what they liked.

I was licensed to have up to 8 kids, as long as there were no infants, and 6 if there was one infant, and to have more than one infant, eliminated my ability to have older kids. This was state licensing guidelines I had to follow.

So I ran between 6 and 8 kids. I had to include my own until they began school. Even with that it took me awhile to remember that Megan did not like carrots, or Jordan hated milk-------and work within the perimeters and not make their days miserable because those things matter to them. To imagine doing that with an additional 8 babies, is totally mind boggling!

Eventually those babies will grow up, and I cannot imagine her still doing it alone.

3 of my own, and there were still quick trips to the school for something that was forgotten, and birthday gifts grabbed on the way to the party and dropped in a gift bag last minute! Can you really imagine doing it with that many kids??

I am sure part of the difference in my thinking it cannot be done alone EVER, and the fact that it might be able to be, would be the type of life the kids had. SHE had the kids--SHE should be the one taking care of the young kids, not the older ones. I think kids should be able to participate in outside activities, sports, lessons whatever---and to cheauffer (sp?) 14 in all the directions that would require, would eliminate that option. Kids should be able to have friends besides their siblings, and have them over and to go to their homes---it would take a person better than I to remember who went where I would guess!

There is more to having a good life than simply having more.....whether it be kids, or toys.

[BJean 16]

Kat said: "There is more to having a good life than simply having more.....whether it be kids, or toys."

Now that's a statement worth quoting!!

[*slim* 2]

Kat said: "There is more to having a good life than simply having more.....whether it be kids, or toys."

Now that's a statement worth quoting!!

I second that emotion!

[pattygreen 5]

IMO, your JOB is to raise them up to be able to be on their own. It's not a matter of kicking them out, it's a matter of them having sufficient skills to BE on their own.

We've had this conversation before. (EDIT: Read posts 280 and 283).

If they don't have these skills, then it tells me the parent is either an enabler or did not do their job sufficiently enough for their kids to be on their own. Perhaps not enough time was devoted to each child.

I too was a single mom (left my ex-husband when my DD was 7 months old) and never once lived with my mother. I worked, paid for daycare, AND an apartment all on my own.

I'm so proud of you.:scared2: When was that 15 or 20 years ago? I worked as a CNA 20 years ago and made $240.00 a week. That's exactly what I paid each month for rent, AND the rent included heat and electricity. Today A CNA makes $320.00 a week and the rents around here are $7-800 a month with nothing included. Times have changed or haven't you noticed. You can't expect young adults like mine to get out of the home right after high school and do it on their own anymore like I did when I was 18. It's just not possible for most. So, get with the times.

Kids staying at home while attending college is a good idea, because school loans for housing eat up their income after they graduate and get their own homes. It's not a matter of parents being an enabler or not doing their 'jobs' adequately. It's a matter of 'family'. That's what good, loving, healthy families do for each other.

Edited March 13, 2009 by pattygreen

[pattygreen 5]

My, but this post carries the stench of self-congratulatory boastfulness, and justification. I don't think that Pattygreen's God would find this too attractive. I gather that He preferred a humble attitude.

Why don't you go back and read her insults to me before you take my post out of context. I was only trying to defend myself after she tells me I am not a good parent because my 18, 19, 21, and 22 year old live at home with me.She knows nothing about my kids or my family, but she constantly bouts off insults.

[BethFromVA 5]

I'm so proud of you.:scared2: When was that 15 or 20 years ago? I worked as a CNA 20 years ago and made $240.00 a week. That's exactly what I paid each month for rent, AND the rent included heat and electricity. Today A CNA makes $320.00 a week and the rents around here are $7-800 a month with nothing included. Times have changed or haven't you noticed. You can't expect young adults like mine to get out of the home right after high school and do it on their own anymore like I did when I was 18. It's just not possible for most. So, get with the times.

Geez... MY daughter moved out at 18, and that was only 3 years ago. :crying:

[BethFromVA 5]

Why don't you go back and read her insults to me before you take my post out of context. I was only trying to defend myself after she tells me I am not a good parent because my 18, 19, 21, and 22 year old live at home with me.She knows nothing about my kids or my family, but she constantly bouts off insults.

I'm just saying maybe in these big families the kids are missing something and tend to stay home longer.

I was 18 when I moved out. My sister was 17 (a few months from her 18th birthday, and stayed in Houston when my parents moved to Michigan). My brother was a bit older, about 19, but then he was always treated as the baby he is.

I DON'T know anything about your family except what you've told me... and what I know is that three of your ADULT children still live at home. I just happen to think there's a correlation -- or enabling -- when that happens in these situations.

I think that kids raised in huge families like that are missing out on things. Like growing up, perhaps. :scared2:

By the way, please don't whine. It's very unbecoming.