How do you deal with your family?

[cookiebaby 0]

Mother is driving me nuts. She probably won't be home for my surgery and I'm a little upset about that (long story). She asked me if I was nervous. Well, a little - I'm having surgery, duh. The reply was then why are you doing it? For the 10th time - hopefully to resolve or improve my diabetes, high BP, sleep apnea and improve my arthritis pain. Read off the statistics again.

How do you deal with people like this? If it were a friend, I'd ignore them for a while but I'm stuck with my family:tongue2:. It's also MY fault she probably won't be back for surgery because I prefer she not tell my big mouthed sister who adds to every story she tells. Surgery is going to be a breeze compared to dealing with this family crap.

[TQUAD64 9]

Ah, love that family drama. :-)

Seriously, I didn't deal with it, because I did not tell friends, family, my kids, or co-workers. However, I did tell my sister, because she was my emergency contact in case something went wrong during the surgery.

[cookiebaby 0]

TQUAD, you are very smart! I wish I had done it that way. My Mom WAS my emergency contact and acted supportive. I've decided I'm going to turn into a selfish person (sort of). I told my Mom that it was okay to tell my sister that I was going into the hospital but it was a private matter and I wanted it to stay that way. Eventually, she may figure it out when I'm a gorgeous, healthy thin woman :confused: but for now I don't need the drama!!!!! I hate drama!! (unless it's on TV or at the movies).

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I'm a teller...I'll tell anyone who asks. BUT!!! I didn't want a herd at the hospital. I was happy to have my husband there (he's a registered nurse and handy in a pinch! LOL) but no other friends or family were invited or allowed. (I mean good grief I was having bariatric surgery, not a baby! LOL)

I feel your pain about someone talking about you and embellishing the story. Will your mom honor your wishes? Sounds like she was blackmailing you a little. I'm sorry for that!

[*slim* 2]

Ah, love that family drama. :-)

Seriously, I didn't deal with it, because I did not tell friends, family, my kids, or co-workers. However, I did tell my sister, because she was my emergency contact in case something went wrong during the surgery.

I wish I had done it that way!

To the original poster, be selfish if you have to. That is what I am doing now that the cat is out of the bag. My mom has tried to put the guilt trips on me, but I explained that I am living my life for me now. Good luck to you.

[babbs3772 1]

My husband is the only one who went with me to my surgery but my entire family knew and I didn't care one bit to be honest - if anyone made a comment I never heard about it but then again I don't think anyone would dare take my inventory regarding my surgery before looking at themselves and their lives first.

That being said, my mother honestly didn't say much period - she is a good person and I love her very much, I do not honestly know what she thought about this surgery...she has not said and I haven't asked. She is and has been overweight for as long as I can remember, but that is her battle to fight not mine - I wonder if it bothered her that I had this surgery, but I am 36 years old and I live my life finally!

Good luck to you!

[shaggs 0]

I also have decided not to tell anyone for these exact same reasons. I have only 2 weeks til surgery and have considered telling my sister (who I'm sure will be very understanding and supportive) but I really dont think I'm up for questions etc. My husband is the only one who knows. When everyone finds out though - as I 'm sure they will - I know I will have to be very patient in explaining the procedure and why I did it as just about everyone I know just thinks of Gastric Bypas or the old "stomach stapling" and all the things that go wrong with that. We cant really blame them for not knowing but it is up to us to make sure that they have a clear picture of the procedure and knowledge creates understanding. I DEFINITELY cant tell my parents until after the surgery (and they live right next door!) they are total worry warts and will have to see me well and over it before they will accept it. Having said all of this, it is my birthday smack band in the middle of my pre op diet and EVERYONE will know that something is up when I'm not gorging along with the rest of them - I think I'll have to have a tummy bug that week....

Good luck, and remember patience and understanding!

[MissBS 3]

My mom drives me nuts, I drive my daughter nuts, and she drives her daughter nuts.... but we all love each other very much. I, like Restless, tell everyone. After I had made the decesion to have my surgery, I explained it to everyone (yes - had to make sure they knew it wasn't gastric bypass). I have had nothing but support from all of my family and friends. They are proud of me and happy that I am happier, healthier, and going to be around for a longer time now. I think our families worry and have seen us excited about weight loss programs that failed so many times that we just have to show them that this time it is for reals :confused: Good luck to you!! Becky

[MONEL 0]

I also told everyone. The support I have received has been awesome!!! The local newspaper even called and asked if they could run an article about my band I told them sure. It was on the front page of the paper. I have lost 153 pounds since Feb. I tell everyone. I even run a support group at our local gym. It makes me very very sad that some of you can not tell your family or friends. I wish everyone good luck on this great journey. If anyone is interested in my article. go to NashvilleNews.com search box type in aspire to inspire.

[Jachut 487]

I was happy to tell about lap band surgery and deal with the opinions, but IF I decide to have any cosmetic surgery, I dont want to. I just dont want to deal with the judgement about how vain I am or how I'm going to die from silicone leaking or from an anaesthetic (which strangely they believe is not dangerous if the surgery is "needed"). I dont want them to know if when I get a breast lift, i decide to get implants etc.

But I have such close contact with my family, there's very little chance I could hide it. And god forbid they should EVER discover I'd been through a procedure liek that, where I could have DIED and not told my parents. My mother would kill me there and then!

Its not malicious, or nasty, its pure concern, but its also misinformation and opinion mixed in about what I shoudl do with my body etc etc. I'd just like to not have to deal with it.

[footballmom104 0]

My parents were very supportive. My dad has struggled with his weight all his life and would probably do the same thing if he were 30 years younger. My husband was not in favor but he went along with it. I had to tell my coworkers as I work in a very small office and there was no keeping it from them. Most of them are heavier than I am and thought I was crazy, but now their interest is piqued.

[MONEL 0]

I messed up on web site it is www.nashvillenews.org sorry.

[tapshoes 2]

I told only DH, and only because someone had to be identified as an emergency contact and drive me the 3 hours home after the surgery! Telling anyone else never occured to me. It isn't because I couldn't or was embarrased, but rather, why would I? It is my body and my decision. And this is not only in relation to this surgery...I have had more surgeries than a lot of people and have been having parts fixed and/or removed since I was about 16....and once I left home at 18, I have not discussed my condition or treatments with assorted family. Come to think of it, DH doesn't even know about a lot of the surgeries I have had from the years before we met....I guess there are too many scars on my body to keep track of!!!

[Band_Groupie 3]

I'm a very open with everything in my life, but made the decision not to tell anyone but DH. By far, the hardest part of this process for me has been putting myself first...or at least on the list. I've managed to do that, but I'm hanging on the top of the list by my toes...I don't need any opinions, drama, guilt to knock me down.