So...SO Pissed at my mother.

[BethFromVA 5]

Green, question for you -- and if it's too forward, I fully understand you not answering.

If you knew you could get tested for the cancer gene (and maybe you did, but if you didn't...) would you? I ask this because my mother and HER mother both had breast cancer. My mother had it when she was only about a year or so older than I am now. My sister has also had stage 0 pre-cancerous results as well and had to have a duct scraping (I think) due to it.

It has been suggested to me a few times to get the testing done, but I worry that eventually that will be made available to my insurance company and I will be denied if anything ever does happen.

I am very conflicted about what to do about that. Certainly if I am prone, I want all the heads up I can get, especially since I'm fat which makes it harder to detect AND even more prone to it. However, I can't help but worry that there WILL come a day when all of this would come to light, even if I paid cash, and I would cause myself some real trouble.

Thoughts?

I hope you're doing well, btw. I watched my best friend suffer from it and I hate it with a passion.

[green 6]

I don't mind answering and I am glad that you have asked. Researchers have discovered a flaw in the DNA that indicates that you will likely get breast cancer. It is important to understand that this flaw does not account for all breast cancers. Apparently cancer is a very large group of diseases; there is over a 100 types of cancer!

If you trust your doc, you should talk to your doctor about this and see what he or she advises. The genetic test may or may not be applicable to you. It is important that you find this out.

My cancer was cancer of the larynx and my kid brother's was bowel cancer. He died of this when he was 49. His death was likely preventable but he hated doctors and hadn't been to see one in over 10 years. He finally landed up in hospital when the pain was completely insupportable. He died not too long afterwards.

As for me, my diagnosis was slowed slightly by the band. I thought that I had a slippage or acid reflux - something that can be triggered by a tight band. It was my band doc who figured it out, though, and told me to see an Ears, Nose and Throat guy ASAP.

The cancer was difficult. The treatments - chemo and radiation - are no picnic but I was well looked after and I found the business to be very interesting. Weird, eh? I kept a blog and I sure did lose a lot of weight. At one point I was down to 108! I haven't weighed that since I was 9. I looked like an insect lady.

I do think that you should, as you are concerned, talk with a reliable doc about prevention and the genetics of it all.

[BethFromVA 5]

Thank you very much for your insight, Green. I will do just that.

And to Glouc, sorry for the hijack.

[TQUAD64 9]

Gloucester, your post cracks me up. A food pusher granny.

I agree that you are the mom and thus are in control of raising your child. However, I don't think screaming at someone on the answer machine is the best approach to resolving conflict. I think hostility only creates miscommunication.

I really do understand your frustration and believe you are 100% right in being upset in regards to this matter. Can you speak to your mom in person?

My mom drives me nuts too! There are times when I can easily go off on her. But then I remember there are many people living without their moms. And then I think, my mom is in her middle sixties and not in the best of health.

Moms don't last forever, so try to resolve the conflict and appreciate your mom, while you have her.

[Gone4Now 4]

Thank you very much for your insight, Green. I will do just that.

And to Glouc, sorry for the hijack. :confused:

:patriot: No worries... It's a good question for everyone. I very much appreciate the question and Green's answer.

Gloucester, your post cracks me up. A food pusher granny.

I agree that you are the mom and thus are in control of raising your child. However, I don't think screaming at someone on the answer machine is the best approach to resolving conflict. I think hostility only creates miscommunication.

I really do understand your frustration and believe you are 100% right in being upset in regards to this matter. Can you speak to your mom in person?

My mom drives me nuts too! There are times when I can easily go off on her. But then I remember there are many people living without their moms. And then I think, my mom is in her middle sixties and not in the best of health.

Moms don't last forever, so try to resolve the conflict and appreciate your mom, while you have her.:thumbup:

Yeah...I know that logically, but my mother is kind of a nut case.

I've spent most of my life bailing her out, and that's after the first half where I was at her mercy. She'd quit her jobs, move us around, yank me in and out of school, put her boyfriends first - to the point where she looked the other way when they were treating me less than kind.

I know I should just cut my ties altogether with the woman, but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it.

Maybe it's the guilt that she raised me with, or some sick twisted hero complex I have, but I stick around. She helped me a lot when I was pregnant, and I think that I feel like I still owe her for helping me.

But, the woman is insane and her financial and emotional problems are a drain on me. DH is upset due to recent events in mom's life that are wearing me down. He thinks she picks me apart piece by piece.

I think she's old and cranky and bitter about her choices, and rather than take the blame for anything, she buries her head in the sand until it all goes away (or until someone fixes it for her.)

Talking to her doesn't work. I've tried. I still try. We have talks, and she'll hang up on me, change the subject, get up and leave - anything but talk about the truth.

She's not really normal, and probably needed therapy decades ago and never got help. She's always the victim, and doesn't understand that she can control her actions.

But the whole thing about her actions with DD is the sneakiness. She knows what she was doing, and she knew I wouldn't approve and she did it anyway.

I asked DD if grandma was bringing anything and she said no, just apple juice. DH and I were adamant - don't even drink the juice. That's the lure...it's just juice...next it will be toast, then the bacon, then the Cookies again.

Ack..I'm getting all grumpy over it again.

Point is...she's my mother so I love her. But, I don't like her or respect her.

Not all moms are good people. My mother happens to be borderline between decent intentions and outrageous bullshit, and I struggle year to year to detangle myself from her life.

I moved from VA to TX and she followed me. She moved across the street. If I wanted to get away, how can I????

No wonder I'm fat, and no wonder I snapped now that I can't turn to food for comfort.

[plain 12]

No wonder I'm fat, and no wonder I snapped now that I can't turn to food for comfort.

Uh, you misspelled......I think you're supposed to spell it "a-w-e-s-o-m-e". Don't you use spell check?

[BethFromVA 5]

Awww, Plain, you're so nice. :thumbup:

That's why we need you around more. Speaking of missing the testosterone, where has Ceradad been?? You've both been missed!

[plain 12]

Awww, Plain, you're so nice. :thumbup:

That's why we need you around more. Speaking of missing the testosterone, where has Ceradad been?? You've both been missed!

If he's been as busy as me, then I feel sorry for him!! Hey, maybe his absence has something to do with his big "opportunity" from awhile back? Remember that? Or did it play out and I missed the result?

[BethFromVA 5]

Omg, that's right! No, haven't heard anything, so you didn't miss any results. I hope and pray he got what he wanted.

[Gone4Now 4]

Uh, you misspelled......I think you're supposed to spell it "a-w-e-s-o-m-e". Don't you use spell check?

Aaaahhhh...thank you. That is very sweet!

And no boats were exchanged.

[green 6]

:crying: No worries... It's a good question for everyone. I very much appreciate the question and Green's answer.

Yeah...I know that logically, but my mother is kind of a nut case.

I've spent most of my life bailing her out, and that's after the first half where I was at her mercy. She'd quit her jobs, move us around, yank me in and out of school, put her boyfriends first - to the point where she looked the other way when they were treating me less than kind.

I know I should just cut my ties altogether with the woman, but for some reason I can't bring myself to do it.

Maybe it's the guilt that she raised me with, or some sick twisted hero complex I have, but I stick around. She helped me a lot when I was pregnant, and I think that I feel like I still owe her for helping me.

But, the woman is insane and her financial and emotional problems are a drain on me. DH is upset due to recent events in mom's life that are wearing me down. He thinks she picks me apart piece by piece.

I think she's old and cranky and bitter about her choices, and rather than take the blame for anything, she buries her head in the sand until it all goes away (or until someone fixes it for her.)

Talking to her doesn't work. I've tried. I still try. We have talks, and she'll hang up on me, change the subject, get up and leave - anything but talk about the truth.

She's not really normal, and probably needed therapy decades ago and never got help. She's always the victim, and doesn't understand that she can control her actions.

But the whole thing about her actions with DD is the sneakiness. She knows what she was doing, and she knew I wouldn't approve and she did it anyway.

I asked DD if grandma was bringing anything and she said no, just apple juice. DH and I were adamant - don't even drink the juice. That's the lure...it's just juice...next it will be toast, then the bacon, then the Cookies again.

Ack..I'm getting all grumpy over it again.

Point is...she's my mother so I love her. But, I don't like her or respect her.

Not all moms are good people. My mother happens to be borderline between decent intentions and outrageous bullshit, and I struggle year to year to detangle myself from her life.

I moved from VA to TX and she followed me. She moved across the street. If I wanted to get away, how can I????

No wonder I'm fat, and no wonder I snapped now that I can't turn to food for comfort.

It sounds like yer mum is toxic, a selfish woman who just refuses or is simply unable to "get" it and that you need to emotionally divorce her. I would suggest therapy, either that or a poison that doesn't leave you on the hook for murder - even though this may be considered justifiable.

[Gone4Now 4]

It sounds like yer mum is toxic, a selfish woman who just refuses or is simply unable to "get" it and that you need to emotionally divorce her. I would suggest therapy, either that or a poison that doesn't leave you on the hook for murder - even though this may be considered justifiable.

Yes, she is...and yes I do. - Divorce, that is - not murder. :biggrin:

I think the divorce has begun...it's just a long one. Also, she's a good living example of how NOT to live.

[lose2regainme 0]

I agree to make the laptop an incentive. I bought my DD a hamster to quit chewing her nails! She still has nice nails, and the hamster only lived a couple of years! LOL We still laugh about it. We saw a woman who literally had no nails, and was gnawing on her fingers at a Christmas program, my DD whispers to me "she didn't want a hamster bad enough!"

Kat

LOL at the hamster story!!!!!:thumbup: