So...SO Pissed at my mother.

[Gone4Now 4]

My daughter is overweight, and we were told by the doctor to do low-card as much as possible. DD doesn't have diabetes, but is a likely candidate for it unless we change our eating habits.

We let her have Cereal in the morning (the smart start oats kind, not lucky charms...) and then at dinner we have meat and veggies.

Well, today I learned that my mother is bringing toast over in the mornings, after DH and I have left for work. I asked DD does she eat it, and she said yeah. Well, of course she will...SHE'S A KID!

And, it's two pieces of TX toast, loaded w/butter (real). Mom knows that DD is "eating healthy" (not a diet) and she KNOWS it's lowcarb...I don't get it!

So, I called her and yelled on her machine. She was out, and I just let her have it. Part of me feels guilty, the other part is applauding.

Ugg. I just am so angry!!!! Why is she doing this? Why does she sneak my child food that she doesn't need?

I yelled at DD, too. I asked why she thought eating TWO BREAKFASTS was okay? She just shrugged. I know it's not her fault for about 85% of it, but, like I mentioned to DD, I'm not there all the time and she knows what's healthy or not healthy. I know saying NO is hard, especially when the food pusher is sweet ole granny.

I'm THIS close to cutting granny off.

[gingerbug 3]

I had to tell my mother that the only people allowed to feed my children are myself and dh. I know your pain!

[green 6]

Your mum is behaving in a dishonourable way. She had her chance at raising a child when she was raising you. Now it is your turn and she is undercutting you. This is not right and it is only going to hurt your child. You are doing the right thing when you tell her to butt out.

[silvers320 12]

I can understand being upset with your mother. However, don't write her off so quickly. On one hand you should consider yourself lucky that in your mid -30s your mom is still with you.

You should try to look at it from Mom's point of view. She is more then likely of the generation where love was shown thru food. Try taking to her about your concerns for your DD health and get her on board with the family's new healthier ways.

Wow - I feel like Dr. Phil!

[heartfire 4]

UGH! Sorry you're having to deal with this. Both DD's health and your mom, the food pusher!

You are right in that it really isn't DD's fault. It's hard to say no to an adult when you're a kid. (I forgot how old DD is. 12ish? Can't remember.) Esp. one you love.

You're going to have to get tough with mom. Get brutal if you have to. Tell her the end result if you and DD don't get a handle on this NOW! Does she want her GDD to have diabetes? Other health issues from being a young overweight person? The ridicule from peers? Etc. Lay it on THICK if you have to (and it sounds like you're going to have to).

Mom pushing food is very serious to your DD's health and your mom needs to realize it. DD may be fine now (thank God!) but how long is that going to last with mom over feeding her!

I'm not trying to scare you, I'm trying to help you scare your mom. She needs to "get" this and "get" it fast! I don't blame you for going off on her. What she's done is not right, no matter how you look at it!

[Gone4Now 4]

Thanks! I fought the urge to call her last night and apologize. She didn't call me, either.

What really burned my butt is that I couldn't figure out how DD was gaining. We don't eat a lot on weekends, and she doesn't snack at home during the week. She lost nothing while on WW and I never could understand why.

[*slim* 2]

Wow, I thought my mom was the only one to do that. I feel your pain. You are doing the right thing for your daughter. Don't allow your mom, however well meaning, to undermine your authority with your child. In the end, it is on you to make sure your DD is healthy and well taken care of. If your mom doesn't get it after your message, she never will. Keep up the good work with your DD.

[Gone4Now 4]

Okay, am I horrible?

I just promised my DD a laptop for her birthday in May if she stops eating whatever Grandma tries to give her, eat what I pack her for lunch every day, and Snacks on fruits or veggies after school.

She agreed to it...I feel evil, though...I know how badly she wants that laptop.

[MacMadame 81]

I agree with heartfire that you have to get tough with your mom. But I don't agree that you should explain your position. All that does is send the message that your position is up for discussion, when it's not. Also, I'm sure she knows all those things. She obviously thinks that you are wrong and that she is right. So what you have to tell her is that YOU are the mom and your rules go in your house whether she agrees with them or not.

And definitely don't blame your daughter. She's between a rock and a hard place here with two adult fighting and her in the middle.

[green 6]

Don't feel bad. Dogs and cats are best trained by rewarding them with little treats. I was told by my dad that he would give me 2Gs after I finished my second year of university. My dad also got my brother to eat strawberries by giving him a dime for everyone he ate. I liked strawberries and was highly jealous that I didn't get any cash for eating my share.

Using rewards is so much kinder than using punishments and is just effective. Think of it this way: you are not bribing the kid; you are having her earn the reward. Just make sure that you don't weaken. Her health and her respect for you as the rule-makers are at stake.

[Gone4Now 4]

Thanks, Green! I hadn't thought of the earn vs. bribe. :confused: I feel better.

I did call my mother back (guilty conscience and all...) she said she was sorry, and could she bring apple juice or orange juice. I said no. Bottom line, I feed my kid.

I think she just wants my daughter to love her - as someone mentioned earlier, she IS from that age where food = love and comfort. So, I understand where she's coming from, it just doesn't make it acceptable.

I wonder sometimes what I'll do when DD has kids...I would hope I wouldn't cross her lines and piss her off.

[MacMadame 81]

Maybe you could suggest non-food gifts your mom could bring. Like a coloring book they could work on together than only gets worked on when your mom is there. Or playing a game together like backgammon or Pictionary that would be their special thing.

[heartfire 4]

That's a great idea, Mac! Never thought of re-directing the granny! You're so smart!

I'm trying hard not to do food rewards with my DD (2 1/2yrs old). She's potty training now and I've gotten lots of advice () and some of that included candy every time she goes, has a dry diaper, etc. and taking her to lunch and dinner for good days or weeks. I just won't do it. We have a sticker chart and she loves that. It's hard not to reward with food. I always want to go there first. :scared2:

[Gone4Now 4]

Yes! That's great! That would give DD something to focus on instead of food, and it would help the two of them bond.

I will suggest that pronto to mommie dearest.

Thanks!

[pattygreen 5]

You are a wise mom. I believe that rewarding with food sets a presidence in ones life to eat when feeling down or when you've accomplished something instead of when you're hungry and supposed to eat. You are doing the right thing with your daughter by providing healthy foods for her , but as we lapbanders know, it is us and us alone who puts that fork up to our mouths. Your daughter needs to learn that she is in control of her own eating habits and needs to know when she's had enough or what she should or shouldn't eat. You are teaching her this. I have learned that it is best not to yell at children for being 'fat', but as the parent, to stock the home with only the 'right' foods to choose from, and setting rules about kitchen times. I can see that you are a good mother. As far as your mom goes, it's hard to be a grandparent and not have the say. Grandchildren are an extension of your own children and thus you feel as if they are yours, too. I can understand her, and you will too, when your daughter has a child someday. She loves her. But, you were right to put your foot down, especially when it is something that involves your daughters health. God Bless. Patty