How to tell your parents???

[fatchance88 0]

I've decided to get Lap Band surgery at 20 and have told my father, and he was happy about it. But my biggest hurdle is telling my Mum.

Is there any way to tell my Mum so I'll still be able to get her support and not upset her? (There's nothing more comforting than a mothers touch!)

Thanks

[Brandy~ 2]

Well I will be honest.. Mine went like this.

Hi mom and dad I am having surgery on 4/23. That was that lol

They both were excited and still root me on.

Forgot to mention my moms a nutritionist

[RestlessMonkey 7]

I don't know your mother, of course. That makes it hard to know what will motivate/reassure her! I assume she'll be worried about your health, so I say take her to a seminar. THe surgery is fairly non-invasive, it is REVERSIBLE, and you control how much you can eat post op. (you control the fill level). A seminar should put her mind at ease.

[Jachut 487]

My mum behaved as I'd expected - with shock, alarm and negativity.

It annoyed me to be honest, she's my mum and I love her but boy she can be dumb at times. Like how many freaking times do I have to diet to prove that it doesnt work.

And she'd say something like "go to Weight Watchers, it always works for me". To which I simply couldnt resist saying "mum, if it worked, you'd have only been once". She didnt speak to me for a week after that, lol. Not that my mother has a weight problem, she's only ever had to tackled 10lb or so.

In the end, what made it clear for her was when I said that I was doing it to fix my ankle problem (true). And that if I were having surgery on my ANKLE then nobody would be panicking over a general anaesthetic, would they? Why everyone things a general is dangerous for lapband surgery but not for ankle surgery is beyond me, but that's how everyone around me thought. It would have been the same for cosmetic surgery "oh, but you could DIE under anaesthetic" but nobody ever questioned my decision to have my wisdom teeth out, my heel spurs removed, even my caesarean and THAT involved not only my life but my daughter's too. I explained I was having surgery to FIX something and that was all there was to it.

After that I had everyone's support, despite their misgivings. However, now my mum cant understand why I dont have it removed, you know, after I've learned all new habits. Oh boy. Lol.

[Minxz 0]

What are your concerns with telling your Mum? There are so many reasons they could react negatively: fear for you, lack of understanding of the danger of being heavy, feeling attacked (is she heavy), Control... etc

Edited January 16, 2009 by Minxz

[janesays 2]

Hi there, I'm also 20 and was banded about 2 months ago so I feel I can relate somewhat. For me, I have somewhat the opposite situation-- my mom and I are very close, and she was 100% supportive (in fact, she was the first to mention the surgery almost 3 years ago). My step dad and I, however, are not very close at all. It isn't that I don't like him-- I do-- it's just that he only came into my life when I was getting into the final stages of high school, and to me this was a personal choice. I basically had my mom tell him, and they talked about it, and then it just became an unwritten but known topic and he knows not to talk about it with me unless I bring something up.

You didn't mention, but are your mother and father still together/talking? If they are, you may try asking your dad to help you out. That was they can discuss it a little first or it can be you and your dad telling her at the same time, so you know you are not alone if she opposes it.

I definitely agree that she should go to an information session, because most people after attending one feel more comfortable about the surgery. If she gets a chance to meet your doctor, I'm sure most of her worries will disappear.

Good luck, hope to see you around here more often! There is a 20s thread on this site that you may want to check out-- some people have talked about the issues they have run into with their parents.

[TQUAD64 9]

I have not told my parents. My mom has been trying to get the bypass surgery. She has had insurance issues. Because, my WLS process was so quick and she has been struggling for so long, I just don't have the heart to tell her.

I have not told anyone, other than my sis. And I only told her in case something bad were to happen. She is my emergency contact person.

I would suggest telling your mom all your health issues and why it is so important to have this surgery. Their your parents. They will still worry about you and continue to love you.

Take it from a mom who has a 24 yeard old girl and a 19 year old son. We worry about you regardless of how old you are.

Best regards!

[fatchance88 0]

My Mum and Dad aren't together anymore. They can't be within a kilometer of eachother without one of them storming off lol.

I guess to put it nicely, my Mum can be very supportive, but we've all battled weight loss. And Mum is the only one who has succeeded. And she thinks it's just a matter of not putting food in your mouth and you'll lose weight. Which we all know isn't that easy.

And the other thing is because I'm paying for it myself (no insurance) from my savings, and a lot of my family is struggling through the recession, I feel like I need to be spending the money on my family (although I've already contributed vast amounts). I guess it's the whole guilt thing. And doing something for myself for a change.

[tapshoes 2]

I didn't. Didn't feel the need to. I haven't told my mother about any of my surgeries (or for that matter, any of my medical issues) since I started having them when I was in my teens.

[aubrie 6]

I did tell mine. Initially, they were very supportive and happy for me. My Dad continued to be, althought he didn't say much. My Mum on the otherhand changed her mind and FREAKED out. She saw some dumb shows on TV and then heard some negative stuff about bypass, and nearly had a stroke. She was frantic. She's older, and has high blood pressure and stuff. She worried so much I began to fear for HER health. So I told her I changed my mind. I had it done at Thanksgiving and then went home to visit for Christmas. I had lost 20 pounds and you could already tell. She thought I looked healthy and wonderful, so I told her then. It was easier that way.