Why do I want to stop HERE !!!!!!

[FuelMan 2]

I think I am so cool........ I have had the Ban since 2002, and have lost 200 lbs. WOW. Big deal, right??? Well I have been at around 390 to 400 for almost 8 months. Being a pro at beating the Ban, it's like now I am afraid to go get another adjustment. It's like I want to stay here, AM I CRAZY !!!!!!!! 390 lbs. is no place to stay, Right??? It's a good place to pass by, but to stop here is insane. As I look back on the past 20 years, I have lost over 1200 lbs and gained back the same. So I am a pro at deception & deceiving myself most of all. It's sad to think, I am here again, and am willing to just let things be the way they are, instead of hitting the mark. It would be so easy to get a fill and be back on the way to losing weight. BUT........ the thought of not being able to eat almost a full meal, and to be able to go out to dinner and not have to run to the bathroom or spit up in a napkin (sounds gross, but true). I read so many messages on people doing so well, I was wondering how many are out there in pain, or in fear of "The Fill", or just beating the heck out of the band.

I am new to this web site, and I was turned on to it by a fatty friend in NY, who is having the band installed today (Yea For Her, you go girl). Well......... just reading and hearing about people's winning out over there fears, and there pain. It has encouraged me to keep more in line and to call and make an appointment with Dr. Grossbar in Tampa for a fill, so I too can be back in the flow of losing weight, and feeling better. I do have one other problem......... since I have lost this weight, and have kept it off awhile, I have this hanging belly. It seems to have a life of it's own. It's like having a 100 lb tool belt on, or a 100 lb apron, it makes walking for any amount of time very, very painful. And when I do too much, like yard work or working out at the gym, my back is shot of at least a day. I am going to ask Dr. Grossbar about some Plastic Surgery to help with this. I am sure he will want me to lose some more weight before he does this.

Anyway......... Thanks for letting me sound off and express my fears of the fill. I know they go way deeper then this, it's the fear of losing weight, and being................................ OH SO CUTE & SEXY !!!. I know a lot of other fears are around losing weight, and being normal, but I think I will handle this one day at a time. Thanks again for the ear or eye's.... LOL

Butch from Florida

[divaliciousdee 0]

BUtch Go For the Goal Baby! You are doing great! 210lbs in 3 years, Excellent! That is about 80lbs a year average. I am truly inspired! If I can lose 80lbs with the band period I will be greatful. I want to be oh so cute and sexy! LOL. U go boy!!

[giveyouthemoon 4]

Well.....we all use our excess weight as a shield, an excuse, a scapegoat. Suddenly you are taking that away and it can be super scary. When all the weight is gone what will you have to blame life's tragedies on? I understand this. About 12 years ago I lost a ton of weight, was mentally unprepared, freaked out, and became a rampant bulimic. Nice choice huh?

So the work on your head is just as important as the work on your body. You are quietly sabotaging your success because of fear. It's normal. But this is a very key point for you. To figure out how to press through.

It's okay to take a rest from losing. Get used to your new body, get used to this level. But it's important to stay strong and keep rolling.

You know what to do.

If you need help with the head work, maybe see a counselor? It's a sign of strength to say "I could use a little guidance".

I'm only a bit over a month into this thing and already scared sh*tless. I fear I will fail at this like I've failed every other time.

[vinesqueen 2]

Welcome Butch. Gosh, your story sound awfly familier. My DH has been banded for 2 years now, and he too started at 600 pounds. And yes, he is currently at around 400, just not willing to cross over into Tripoli....

It really is about the mind and issues about being smaller. He's currently smaller than than he has been probably his entire adult life.

And yes, he's dealing with the apron thing, but not quite as sever as yours it sounds like.

Anyway, I wanted to say welcome, and that you are not alone.

[hagerteresa 3]

Hey Butch,

You have done an amazing job and I'm so glad you found this website. Maybe we can help be that extra bit of support and encouragement you need. 390 lbs must feel a lot better than being 600 lbs... I started at 362 and feel thrilled to be at 266 now. I get a little passive about it too from time to time (actually all summer LOL) I'm so happy with my current success I haven't felt the same push to keep going but I KNOW that I can get motivated again. I don't really think I need a fill at this time but need to finish healing from a wound and get back in the excercise saddle. I love to do Water aerobics. I have heard of others who need to get the extra skin removed in the tummy area well before reaching goal because it can be such a problem. I'm sure your surgeon will recommend whatever is best for you. Hope you get that fill and continue on your journey. Teresa

[Parvathi 2]

Hey Butch,

Welcome to LBT. I'll repeat what everyone else has said pretty much - You've done an incredible job, losing 200 in 3 years. Be proud of yourself, go get that fill and carry on with your journey.

I'm only a couple of months into it and when I see someone sitting down to eat a Whopper, I'll admit, I really want one too. But I'm getting more satisfaction out of less food these days and I love the feeling of being a loser hehe. I reckon that walking into my high school reunion and seeing the look on my old classmates faces will taste much better than that burger anyway

I'm glad you found this place. If you need support along the way, we'll be here.

[Kelliebelly 13]

Hey Butch!!! Welcome. WTG!!!!!!! What an amazing amount of weight to lose. What an inspiration to me and others you will be...hope you stick around and get back on track. We all have our demons to deal with, lets help each other get over them.

[gordonfamily3 0]

I just wanted to say welcome and pretty much aggree with what was said. I am only a couple of months into this and you are truly an inspiration to many of us. Keep you the good work and if you need some time off take it, everyone is different. You have some far I would let your goal out of sight though.

[Alexandra 55]

It's exactly this sort of transition issue that I think makes the band so much healthier, emotionally, than more-rapid methods of weight loss. Imagine if we had these internal barriers set up and in spite of our unwillingness just found ourselves racing forward into ever-smaller sizes before we were ready. Been there, done that, not fun.

Butch, you have come a very long way and it's not surprising you need time to adjust. Why not take it? There is no time frame you have to meet, and the journey can only be successful if you are 100% on board with it. It's perfectly OK to stay at one point or another for a while just to take a breather and adjust completely. When you're ready, you'll know it, and you'll have your band there ready too to help you move on.

[g curtis 0]

Wow Butch you have lost an incredible amount of weight, its people like you that keep me going.

Ok so you've had a short tea break, but now its time to get back to work, you know you can do it you've already proved that. Please dont give up and keep us all posted to let us know how you go.

Good luck

Gaynor

[ReneBean 3]

Butch

Wow! Incredible work! I am so happy that you have lost one of the extra people you were carrying around. I also carry an extra body - and I can't wait to get my band and start getting rid of it.

I know that some part of you is hiding from something - it's true of me and probably lots of others on this site. Fat provides a form of protection - from the eyes of the opposite sex, or whatever. It's an excuse for failures, and of course the food is a comfort. The trick is to try and find out what you are hiding/protecting yourself from and try to deal with it in some form other than the "eat another pie shop".

You are already a huge leap ahead of me. You have the band and you have lost a large amount of weight - but being fat is as much of a state of mind as a state of body - and it's time for you to work on the mind-part.

Relax about the body part - let it ride and maintain. Talk to someone, preferably a trained counselor, and think about what type of protection the fat has been giving you. It takes courage to change your life - but you have already shown that you have it. Everyone on LBT is behind you - thinking good thoughts and sending positive energy.

{{{HUGS}}}

Irene

ps - if you can get past the whole "girly" thing - a girdle might help with the apron/back issues.

[porclndoll 0]

This is sooo weird! I have a cousin named Butch and he lives in Florida...and I THINK Im not sure, cause I haven't talked to him in a long time...I THINK he lives in the same town as you! My cousin is about 40 years old, TONS AND TONS of tattoos...two kids....Usually has a shaved head and a Foo-Man-Chu mustache... Goes waaaay past his lips and hangs straight down in two seperate sections. He is into snakes and rats and scorpions as pets... Anyone you know?

We all get scared. We all want to quit. We all dont want to have to do this any more. But you know what. You have done a REMARKABLE job so far. Go for it...One day at a time...and Im sure your OH SO CUTE & SEXY now... You are at the right spot for support, to share your fears, and accomplishments with. This is an awesome group.

Anyway...who wants to be NORMAL? I prefer Abby Normal myself...keeps it interesting!

TTYL

[FuelMan 2]

I think I know a lot of people like you have described like you cousin. I to have tatoos & a shaved head (how weird is that?) BUT........ I don't like snakes and the kind of things that creep, too scary.

Thank you so much for the support and nice words, this web site is making a difference. I will stay intouch. butch