I am the only one frustrated?

[als74 1]

I think if your complaint had been more general it would have been fine to post it publicly, but by singling out the person who ate the burger two days post-op it became a public criticism of a specific person. In general it is better to not criticize people publicly, so yeah, PM would have been better. (Best of all would be not to criticize people at all, but very few people are that angelic, lol.)

As for me, I get very frustrated at myself if I ever do something wrong - and the bigger my mistake, the worse I feel. Worst of all when the mistake was completely my own fault and responsibility - that hurts! Then I feel like a failure on top of my mistake.

I guess that's why I tend to sympathize with other people when they make mistakes. I might not make the same mistakes as they do, but I can relate to the feeling of having messed up royally. So, even though I stuck like glue to my pre- and post- op diets, I sympathized that she had made such a big mistake by eating the burger.

I just love how a few of you read only certain parts of what I have to say and completely ignore the rest.

I also make mistakes, I DO sympathize, if I never made major mistakes- hello- would I have needed the band? NO! Please share your mistakes. JUST EXPECT ME TO BE HONEST! I bet I will make mistakes, and I will share them. I am just not going to ask you if it is ok. Because I know it is not. We are sharing and understanding, not here to tell you hurting yourself is ok. You are more than welcome to feel the way you do. People need all kinds of sympathy/empathy. I only used the hamburger incident (actually there was two) because it was the most recent and the most shocking to me. I feel horrible for that person, to go through such a painful process as surgery then to have such a lack of support. But I wouldn't ever say it was ok.

[dietpeach 0]

I just love how a few of you read only certain parts of what I have to say and completely ignore the rest.

I also make mistakes, I DO sympathize, if I never made major mistakes- hello- would I have needed the band? NO! Please share your mistakes. JUST EXPECT ME TO BE HONEST! I bet I will make mistakes, and I will share them. I am just not going to ask you if it is ok. Because I know it is not. We are sharing and understanding, not here to tell you hurting yourself is ok. You are more than welcome to feel the way you do. People need all kinds of sympathy/empathy. I only used the hamburger incident (actually there was two) because it was the most recent and the most shocking to me. I feel horrible for that person, to go through such a painful process as surgery then to have such a lack of support. But I wouldn't ever say it was ok.

I was responding to your post where you said you should have expressed your frustrations by PM instead of publicly. I was agreeing with you. I commented only on the hamburger incident part of your post because that was the only part relevant to the public/PM thing - I felt that part should not have been written publicly because it would be very hurtful to that person to open a thread and find other people criticizing her not quite behind her back and not quite to her face.

I agree that being honest with oneself it critical to being successful with the band and in life. But she was honest. She didn't ask if it was okay, as you said. She asked how badly she messed up. She was also honest enough to say she ate poorly, and she even said that she "sucked."

Here's what she wrote:

"... I'm so afraid that I've ruined myself before I started. How badly have I messed up by eating so poorly?

FYI, I've been really good about eating small portions....

But I know, I still suck. "

Anyway, I hope that clears things up.

[DaMomb 1]

I was responding to your post where you said you should have expressed your frustrations by PM instead of publicly. I was agreeing with you. I commented only on the hamburger incident part of your post because that was the only part relevant to the public/PM thing - I felt that part should not have been written publicly because it would be very hurtful to that person to open a thread and find other people criticizing her not quite behind her back and not quite to her face.

I agree that being honest with oneself it critical to being successful with the band and in life. But she was honest. She didn't ask if it was okay, as you said. She asked how badly she messed up. She was also honest enough to say she ate poorly, and she even said that she "sucked."

Here's what she wrote:

"... I'm so afraid that I've ruined myself before I started. How badly have I messed up by eating so poorly?

FYI, I've been really good about eating small portions....

But I know, I still suck. "

Anyway, I hope that clears things up.

Good for you diet peach! I don't think it is any more wrong to try to justify eating poorly than it is to try to justify being judgmental (bordering on mean). As you said ALS, you have made mistakes before and will again. As have I and everyone else on here. It all just works better if we are more forgiving with one another. Forgiveness does not equal enabling. Most of us struggle with security issues as it is, and our goal is to quit trying to feel like a piece of dirt, and this should be a safe place for that. Whether you justify it or not, your post seemed mean. And now mine does as well. So I am very sorry. Good luck to you in your journey!

[Jachut 487]

I tend to get annoyed, but I know the problem is really me, lol.

I just have no patience with people less strong than myself and I freely admit it. I have made mistakes, I fall off the wagon, but I consider my journey a whole series of steps, and perfection at every stage is not crucial. But I did follow post op instructions becuase it was important.

People who cant get their act together, commit themselves to this journey and do it well tend to annoy me. I am a bit of a perfectionist in every other area of life as well - I achieve big things, yes, and I get admiration for it, but it also makes me an intolerant pain in the arse.

So I try to avoid these threads now. I would make a useless counsellor or psychologist as I would just tell everyone to snap out of it. I'm damn glad my kids are pretty smart and do well at school because I wouldnt be very patient with a child who struggled.

I'm a hard taskmaster. So I try to apply that to myself because I can be very harsh on people who arent quite so strong and I'm not the best one to give help with these threads.

Im a good person to be banded actually. It suits me personality wise. Others should have considered other surgeries. I try not to apply my standards to them.

But obviously at times I do. And it usually results in threads that are 52 pages long and end up being locked, lol.

[bambam31 168]

There isn't one specifically labeled "Bandster Hell" though. It's more indirect than that.

But there is a TON of good information there for pre-ops so I figured I'd pass the link around.

I read those when I first started LBT. I agree this is a must read area. The "Bandster Hell" though is what I was directly referring to. Explaining that it's very normal to get VERY hungry as the healing progresses - and what they should do about it. The one about "I'm starving yada yada yada" comes close but I don't think it is descriptive enough. And I think it should also include something the effect of warning people that surgeons food selection covers every spectrum of the rainbow - but it's important to follow what YOUR doctor says - not what some other bandster ate and got away with.

Unfortunately though, even with that type of specific content, a lot of people will just post a question anyway because they're too lazy to search. My thought is that it would make things easier for US to just post the link and then they can go research things themselves.

Brad

[bambam31 168]

Im a good person to be banded actually. It suits me personality wise. Others should have considered other surgeries. I try not to apply my standards to them.

But obviously at times I do. And it usually results in threads that are 52 pages long and end up being locked, lol.

:cornut: That solicited a good laugh Jacqui - thanks! So... what your saying is you're not sure what the future holds for you? :ban:

Anyhoo...

If people post a question like some discussed here and wonder if the sky is falling then I can't help but believe what they're really seeking is a swift kick in the arse... And you'll find it on here that's for sure!

If you won't listen to your doctor or criticism then all we're doing is .... Truth is, the tool that some people need applied is... :smash:

But when people get the they have coming (and probably seeking) and others complain because all they ever want to read and feel is... :eek: ...then I get all :cursing:... And that is normally followed by... :eek:

Tough love is an important component and nobody wants to see people fail. Getting tough is sometimes the only way to get some people back on track. If you can't handle that... well... :dita: We're here to help people through the journey not... :tape2:....

K? :rant: ...See how visual aids help advance the understanding?

Brad

[twiggysmiff 0]

I think that it shows that some of the doctors or programs are not preparing their patients properly. I had to learn all about it for 6 months before I got the surgery. I have a whole binder full of information that I look at everyday. I think that it is sad/scary that people are finding themselves in this situation when they should be spending the time on healing and not freaking out about if they have done something wrong or not!

I was given a huge binder too called the Toolkit. It was very informative. My doctor's almost went to the point of being TOO informative. Of course, there really is no way to have too much information, but at every turn, I was given information materials, videos, teaching sessions with various people in the office.

Its hard to believe that some people don't get this kind of information.

[AngieAngel 0]

:cornut: That solicited a good laugh Jacqui - thanks! So... what your saying is you're not sure what the future holds for you? :ban:

Anyhoo...

If people post a question like some discussed here and wonder if the sky is falling then I can't help but believe what they're really seeking is a swift kick in the arse... And you'll find it on here that's for sure!

If you won't listen to your doctor or criticism then all we're doing is .... Truth is, the tool that some people need applied is... :smash:

But when people get the they have coming (and probably seeking) and others complain because all they ever want to read and feel is... :eek: ...then I get all :cursing:... And that is normally followed by... :eek:

Tough love is an important component and nobody wants to see people fail. Getting tough is sometimes the only way to get some people back on track. If you can't handle that... well... :dita: We're here to help people through the journey not... :tape2:....

K? :rant: ...See how visual aids help advance the understanding?

Brad

Ahhhhh, nice use of the smilies!! :tea:

[twiggysmiff 0]

:cornut: That solicited a good laugh Jacqui - thanks! So... what your saying is you're not sure what the future holds for you? :ban:

Anyhoo...

If people post a question like some discussed here and wonder if the sky is falling then I can't help but believe what they're really seeking is a swift kick in the arse... And you'll find it on here that's for sure!

If you won't listen to your doctor or criticism then all we're doing is :banghead:.... Truth is, the tool that some people need applied is... :smash:

But when people get the they have coming (and probably seeking) and others complain because all they ever want to read and feel is... :grouphug: ...then I get all :cursing:... And that is normally followed by... :reddevil:

Tough love is an important component and nobody wants to see people fail. Getting tough is sometimes the only way to get some people back on track. If you can't handle that... well... :dita: We're here to help people through the journey not... :tape2:....

K? :rant: ...See how visual aids help advance the understanding?

Brad

Found the emoticons, did you??