No support from husband

[smallersmile 0]

YOU have to worry about you!!! He needs to be supportive because if he is not it will be very hard for you to go through this process. It's not easy. I was just banded on March 24th and can't imagine coming home to someone that is not supportive. This tool can and will be very helpful to you, but you have to feel good about it and what it can do for you. Sounds like you do have some supportive people but is it enough considering your husband doesn't? Think the entire process through because from beginning to end you're going to need him! What doesn't he support?

I was not prescribed anything while on the liquid diet. It is hard, but eventually you get use to it.

I'm in Iowa but here if you need to chat!!! good Luck!

Amy

[lat1nacurv3s 0]

It sounds to me like he's afraid to lose his eating buddy and possibly lose you period. I know with my boyfriend, he was feeling a bit insecure at one point. He said he accepted me for who I am either way but he wanted me to be happy so he finally gave in. He said that if I left him in the end, after I lost the weight, then as long as I was happy that is ok with him. I don't know how much of this is true.

I am hearing a lot of women that leave their husbands and boyfriends after the weight loss, only because they felt that they settled for a person that accepted them being overweight. I don't know, I maybe one of those women myself. I guess we will see in time.

I'm actually breaking up with my bf but not because of the band. We already had a LOT of problems prior to me getting banded. Although I do agree with what you say, I can't help but wonder what exactly is it that lead them to leave their SO? Ultimately the band has given me a renewed confidence. And I'm so thankful too. Much luck to you!!

[HeatherO 7]

Sometimes it goes the opposite direction. There is always the possibility that banding will bring you closer together than you would have though possible.

My husband and I are so much closer after having gone through this experience together. He helped me with wound care and dressings (to my utter astonishment, btw), brought me things when I was feeling down, helped remind me why I had this done in the first place, went shopping with me for new clothes, and would go biking or walking with me for hours with me to stay active even though it wasn't something he would have considered fun on his own. The other part is that self-confidence has improved our love life 150%, lol.

Neither one of us knew that it would have been this way because it was a new experience for both of us. We did have a solid loving relationship going into it and I am sure that helped.

I think the likelihood of how well your relationship will be affected post banding has a lot to do with what brought you together with your SO in the first place. Just keep an open mind - this is a complete lifestyle change and no matter what your expectations are to start, it will affect more than just you, for good or bad. Everyone deals with these changes differently . . . and sometimes your SO needs a little help with the changes as much as you do.

[HeatherO 7]

One more thing I should have added for background, my DH wasn't sold on banding prior to me having it done.

He was worried about complications, or maybe it wouldn't really work, and he was very concerned that it could potentially have a negative impact on having a healthy child in the future. I really had to convince him that it was the right choice for me . . . he never became my strongest supporter until I arrived back in my bed at the hospital post surgery. His initial doubts were based more of concern than really being non-supportive.

[LosingSlowly08 0]

Hey sweetie. I had the same problem with my husband before I got banded. As a matter of fact I waited 2 weeks before my surgery to tell him due to the fact he was so against it:cursing:. When I told him he was furious and felt betrayed and worried about me making it through the surgery. He is one to be against all weight loss procedures, pills, etc., he only believes in losing it naturally and nothing is wrong with that, it just never worked for me. Anyway, needless to say he came around and was my biggest supporter :thumbup:. After surgery he did everything for me, he made me the best broth (from scracth) I had ever had. HE WAS AWESOME! So hang in there and always remember to do whats best FOR YOU!

[Corey Coffey 12]

Not having support from your spouse/loved one(s) can absolutely suck.

They may say they got your back but they may silently sabotage you in other ways. My family has done the following to my efforts since I got banded almost 4 years ago.

-dinner over at my little sisters (did I mention she is also morbidly obese?) she had NOTHING out for me that was lapband friendly. I asked her before coming over should I bring something for myself that we can all share maybe that is band appropriate? Her response "No I got it covered you are traveling a long way don't worry about it". We get there and there is absolutely nothing I can eat everything is Pasta, or fried or dried out meat or stuffed She then says to me WHY can't you eat that? what you don't like my cooking? I respond to her Phoebe it's not that I don't like your cooking it's just hat none of this stuff will go thru my lapband/internal outlet I could get stuck or stretch out my pouch. I'll just have tea. She flew off the handle at me and said "you have turned into a fucking stuck up bitch since you lost the weight just eat it!". I had one bite of overdone ravioli puked and went home.

-Friends/family that use to love to go shopping with you will no longer once you are down to the smallest size in Laynebrant/Avenue. Or they realize that you look like a supermodel because you took time and effort to have surgery to help you with your weight loss goals. That is what hurts the most I think when sisters and friends distance themselves from you because of your changing body, I think it brings out some of their own fears about the obesity and it goes way beyond looks.

-My husband has become slightly insecure within our relationship. I lost 78 pounds within the first year, the guys at his job started to notice and they said something to him. One I'd never leave him I love him to much beer gut and all.

-he will insist we go out to eat at places that are not really good for me and sometimes he refuses to buy groceries. Its almost like he wants me to fail. This I don't understand because if the shoe was on the other foot I'd do everything under the sun to help him reach his goals.

I know some marriages do not make it after banding because the change in the surgical spouse is too different from the non surgical spouse.

-I had to tell my friends and family to basically bug out because I am not going back to my old ways to make them feel better about themselves. And that is the part that hurts is that friends and family they should love you fat or thin. I guess surgery sometimes shakes up the family tree in ways that are not good. wonder how do we deal with it?

[jea(n__n)ette 98]

My advice, if your partner does not support you (and it tends to be men), they either don't believe in your strength and determination to lose weight, or they are very insecure about you becoming more physically attractive to others and leaving. In either case, a partner that doesn't support you will sabotage you. Why make your weight loss an uphill bake when it doesn't have to be? Dump him before and get your revenge body, or get your revenge body and then dump him. I prefer the former. You are doing this for YOU, and you come first.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G925A using the BariatricPal App

[NeedaBreak4Me 1,755]

I dont think it is always lack of support as such...

I think a lot of times it is lack of understanding....

It is difficult for a non WLS patient to completely understand what we are going through....

i think most of the time with friends and family who do actually care for us they try to understand but in reality they don't.... in their eyes they are not sabotaging you. .. they are just doing what they have always done.

We need to be mindful that WE had the surgery because WE need it... WE have made changes...WE have researched.. WE know what needs be done and what to have and not have....

This does not necessarily mean that people in our lives have the same headspace or understanding. .. sometimes we need to realise that they are also having to adapt to change.

You are changing... eating has changed, you change physically, mentally, socially, emotionally. Your self esteem, and likes and dislikes.....

That is a big change for you and your loved ones..... both sides need to have some empathy ☺

Time, empathy & understanding are key...

Edited April 29, 2016 by AussieGirl81

[Ewess88 0]

Hey I'm thinking about getting the band. I been reading and need to find a doctor. How long of a process until u can get the band? I wouldn't be able to until October because of work? What the process? How long until u can be back to normal activities