No support from husband

[hasikoLA 1]

I'm 31 and 218 lb. I have an apt for a consult with a Dr. on tuesday for a Lap-Band. My husband is absolutely against it, but my family (mom, sister etc) totally get the situation I'm in and support me. I'm really scared to fail cuz of him. I realize I need to stop worrying about him and just do what I think can help me. I've struggled with food all my life, I do mean all of it. I just hope that the band can be the tool that can help me attain a weight loss I can maintain and remain constant. I have questions about the process. Pre op- when you go on the liquid diet, are appetite suppressants prescribed? Does my doctor need to give the shakes or can I buy them? Are they included in the total price? Has anyone had the surgery done by Dr. David Davtyan? I live in Glendale CA, can anyone tell me how much this will really cost me... surgery and fills? :confused:

Edited January 9, 2009 by Hasmik

[Jodi_620 37]

I worried about failure too, not so much because of lack of support but because I had failed so many times before and I would have been so emabarrassed to go to the extremes of surgery and still fail. I think that a lot of bandsters had that same concern.

My DH was supportive, my mom was not to keen on the idea but has since changed her mind.

I was not prescribed any appetite suppressants and I have not heard of anyone else getting them. The pre-op is hard but important and well worth it.

I bought my own shakes. Your doctor will probably tell you what type he wants you to use, mine wanted me to use products with whey Protein. Your food/liquid items are not included in the price.

If you are self-pay your doctor should be able to give you a breakdown of the cost. If you are using insurance it depends on your co-pay.

[Ronda1966 0]

I'm 31 and 218 lb. I have an apt for a consult with a Dr. on tuesday for a Lap-Band. My husband is absolutely against it, but my family (mom, sister etc) totally get the situation I'm in and support me. I'm really scared to fail cuz of him. I realize I need to stop worrying about him and just do what I think can help me. I've struggled with food all my life, I do mean all of it. I just hope that the band can be the tool that can help me attain a weight loss I can maintain and remain constant. I have questions about the process. Pre op- when you go on the liquid diet, are appetite suppressants prescribed? Does my doctor need to give the shakes or can I buy them? Are they included in the total price? Has anyone had the surgery done by Dr. David Davtyan? I live in Glendale CA, can anyone tell me how much this will really cost me... surgery and fills? :confused:

Hasmik,

Oh sweetie that is so hard when you don't have a support system ,your hubby should be standing by your side encouraging you to do what you need to .I must say you will find the support and strength here . This site has given me so much hope and courage to go forward with my decision. I am a 42 old woman with two grown children and a wonderful husband ,I have a 4 year old grandson to whom I wish to see grow up. I have many medical problems ,and all are due to my weight .

I will be having my surgery in less than 5 days from now Jan.14th 2009 (I'm not counting today ,since it's already here ). I had all my pre-testing done yesterday(blood work,and ekg). I have purchased all my liquid drinks ,and things I will need when I get home ( gas x strips ,ect...).I did not have to do a 2 week diet ,but have cut back and have losted 2.3 pounds already .I drink slimfast twice a day ,I freezer to let it get crystals in it (that way it taste like a milk shake ). I wish you luck ,and hope your husband comes around if not do what you feel is right for YOU ! Best Wishes from me to you .

[hasikoLA 1]

Hi Ronda and Jodi, Thanks so much for the feedback. I feel so fortunate to have found this site at this moment in my life. The positive feedback is really nice. The fact that someone is suggesting I can succeed rather than telling me why I will fail makes my heart soar with hope. I to have tried so many diets, pills, systems I can't remember them all. When I think back I realize I have spent so much time and so much money on weight loss. I think this is my way out of this slimy pipe I keep slipping backwards in. It definitely would make a big difference if my husband was more supportive. I know he's scared of complications and unforeseen problems as well as the cost it will compile. It's not just the surgery, but the fills and etc. And this is if all goes well. Even so, I think it's more than that. I think he is scared what will happen to him and us as a couple if this thing actually works. Maybe I won't be the weak, depressed hopeless person anymore. Maybe I will have the courage and hope to dream and accomplish with or without him. It makes me so sad to think this way especially since I support him in every venture and idea. I emailed him my apt time, dr name and reason why I wanted him to accompany me to the appointment two days ago. I know he opened the email, but he still has not responded to me at all. In fact he's been pissy. We have our problems, and it does not begin nor end with my weight. Does anyone else have difficulty with a spouse? Any suggestions on how not to let others impact our lives so much?

[Ronda1966 0]

Hi Ronda and Jodi, Thanks so much for the feedback. I feel so fortunate to have found this site at this moment in my life. The positive feedback is really nice. The fact that someone is suggesting I can succeed rather than telling me why I will fail makes my heart soar with hope. I to have tried so many diets, pills, systems I can't remember them all. When I think back I realize I have spent so much time and so much money on weight loss. I think this is my way out of this slimy pipe I keep slipping backwards in. It definitely would make a big difference if my husband was more supportive. I know he's scared of complications and unforeseen problems as well as the cost it will compile. It's not just the surgery, but the fills and etc. And this is if all goes well. Even so, I think it's more than that. I think he is scared what will happen to him and us as a couple if this thing actually works. Maybe I won't be the weak, depressed hopeless person anymore. Maybe I will have the courage and hope to dream and accomplish with or without him. It makes me so sad to think this way especially since I support him in every venture and idea. I emailed him my apt time, dr name and reason why I wanted him to accompany me to the appointment two days ago. I know he opened the email, but he still has not responded to me at all. In fact he's been pissy. We have our problems, and it does not begin nor end with my weight. Does anyone else have difficulty with a spouse? Any suggestions on how not to let others impact our lives so much?

Hasmik,

Well I'm happy you have come to decision ,you know if you think about it what you spend in food and doctors ,and clothing will far exceed what you will spend in a fill. You might not need that many (fills)of them til you hit your sweet spot . I wish your husband was more responsive to your needs not so much the wants ,but the medical decision to get healthy . It is a shame that he does not understand what this could mean for the both of you .Less medical bills ,lower food bills ,and LONGER LIFE SPAN . .I can not imagation having to ask my husband for his suport in a life altaring decison ,and him asking about monies "WHERE THERE IS A WILL THERE IS A WAY'.That's our motto,we take it as it comes .We are far from being rich and struggle daily to make our bills pay check to pay check .I find my life to be blessed and I was given this chance to gain back my life and live it to the fullest. You need to really sit down and have a heart to heart He either stands by you or he doesn't either way it's your body and your responsible for who you are ,and what you wish to be . My heart does feel for you and I hope your husband comes around and will be supportive of you .Things always have a way of working themselves out and I'm sure they will for you as well. Best wishes I send you ,and I will keep you in my prayers .Two more days and I will be in the on my way to a better me .Hooray ,finally it's a new jourany and I'm ready !!!

[AKAYLA98 0]

My husband pretended to be interested and supportive before my surgery. There was so much prep time and hard requirements before surgery that I think he thought I would give up, but I was determined. He went with me to a visit and when I had surgery. He was very supportive during my post op issues, but once I begain to loose a noticeable amount of weight, it has changed. He has become insecure. He accuses me of trying to loose weight to find a new man. It is going to be hard for him because I am not the same person anymore. I am more confident. I received a promotion at work. I LOVE to shop and look nice now. So it is scary to him. He has to realize I still love only him and he will be alright. I hope! :wink: hang in there. This was one of the best choices I have made. Good luck to you!

[rstroud100 0]

My wife got banded in December. I have been with her and supported her from day one. Not having support at home could lead to all sorts of problems. I think you just have to be in the corner of the one you love no matter what...

[HeatherO 7]

I am sorry you are having a rough go of it so far. He might just come around with time. He might be scared of the surgery or of what the future will bring. However, you need to do this for you if you want to get healthy.

I would give him a few days and then have a heart to heart conversation with him. If you are doing this via email, I think it shows that there may already be significant communication issues to begin with in the relationship. You might want to find out the reasons why he isn't supportive of this so that you can counter that and help him feel better about the decision.

[Ronda1966 0]

My wife got banded in December. I have been with her and supported her from day one. Not having support at home could lead to all sorts of problems. I think you just have to be in the corner of the one you love no matter what...

That is so Great that you are there for your wife ,it does make a difference in the long run .I will never forget all my husband has done for me in my time of need .The love I feel for him can not compare to words .He has been my rock and strengh when I could not do for myself . Once this weight comes off our lives will change only for the better . It's so nice to hear that there are still men who cherish their wives and puts her interest first . I hope you both have a wonderful ,and fun filled life together Best Wishes

[hasikoLA 1]

This is the first opportunity I've had to get online again. I am so very overjoyed with the support I've found here. I think so much will change as a result of this decision to get banded that my husband will also inevitably change. I just can't say if it will be for my benefit. He just does not realize how much negativity effects me... then again his insecurities are what make him so negative. If he really was happy for me, he would say I'm willing to walk this journey with you and not be the first pebble in your shoe. To everyone who has taken time to respond to me... thank you. You have made me more sure of myself. Good luck and I hope to keep in touch. :biggrin:

[lat1nacurv3s 0]

My SO was the exact same way. All I can say is be prepared. Be prepared for how he may get after you start to lose weight. And also having your fridge stocked and ready with the sorts of good foods you know you should be eating. Also stay close to your mom and sis, and do stay in touch with other bandsters too.

I personally thought that I was strong enough to do this on my own. BIG MISTAKE! Although my success hasn't been a huge one it's something. I love my band! And I wouldn't take any of it back. I wish you much luck in your journey. If this is what you want, and it will make you healthy too then GO FOR IT!

[POMA 3]

Hi Ronda and Jodi, Thanks so much for the feedback. I feel so fortunate to have found this site at this moment in my life. The positive feedback is really nice. The fact that someone is suggesting I can succeed rather than telling me why I will fail makes my heart soar with hope. I to have tried so many diets, pills, systems I can't remember them all. When I think back I realize I have spent so much time and so much money on weight loss. I think this is my way out of this slimy pipe I keep slipping backwards in. It definitely would make a big difference if my husband was more supportive. I know he's scared of complications and unforeseen problems as well as the cost it will compile. It's not just the surgery, but the fills and etc. And this is if all goes well. Even so, I think it's more than that. I think he is scared what will happen to him and us as a couple if this thing actually works. Maybe I won't be the weak, depressed hopeless person anymore. Maybe I will have the courage and hope to dream and accomplish with or without him. It makes me so sad to think this way especially since I support him in every venture and idea. I emailed him my apt time, dr name and reason why I wanted him to accompany me to the appointment two days ago. I know he opened the email, but he still has not responded to me at all. In fact he's been pissy. We have our problems, and it does not begin nor end with my weight. Does anyone else have difficulty with a spouse? Any suggestions on how not to let others impact our lives so much?

Hey Hasmik,

I am 32 from San Fernando Valley. Have been with my bf for 4 years. He was against it at first too, he said you can do it on your own, why go the easy route. Then after he saw me depressed for months and getting discriminated against at work and everywhere that I went, he felt bad for me and knew it was time to make a change to make me happy.

It took a few months but he finally accepted it and felt I needed this. It's only been a month but he has been pretty supportive. My friend at work had the gastric bypass and her husband felt the same way my bf did, until she took him to the seminars that her surgeon had and he changed his mind and is supportive, they exercise together all the time.

Another friend of mind went to Dr. Davtyan and her sister too. He is a good doc from what I heard, she has been banded for 5 years now and is very happy with it. I heard he is cocky and kinda rudeish but he is a good surgeon.

I would rather go to Dr. Paya but Dr. Davtyan sounds good too. I went to Dr. Lyass but don't really recommend him, he is kind of cocky and rude too.

[puddlespalace1 0]

Hi,

im just like you....you go girl do u

and let me know how it goes im just starting tolook into it

jen

[sgrmag31 0]

Hi All,

I have been on a bit of a roller coaster with my husband. When I first brought everthing up, he was very supportive. Then, he must have thought about things and started to question why I needed to get this done. He is worried because it is a surgery and there are risks involved. He told me that I didn't need to get it done because of him, he would love me no matter what. It was great to hear but he doesn't have to live in my body. I have tried to talk to him over the past few days about it, and he responds but isn't gung-ho. I know I will need his support because we eat together. He loves chocolate and likes to go out to eat as much as I do so we will need to find new things to do together.

My mom and sister also struggle with their weight and I think they are waiting to see how I do with the band before they make any decisions. I know I have their support, but once again, we all eat together...we are all going to need to find a new hobby!!!

[POMA 3]

It sounds to me like he's afraid to lose his eating buddy and possibly lose you period. I know with my boyfriend, he was feeling a bit insecure at one point. He said he accepted me for who I am either way but he wanted me to be happy so he finally gave in. He said that if I left him in the end, after I lost the weight, then as long as I was happy that is ok with him. I don't know how much of this is true.

I am hearing a lot of women that leave their husbands and boyfriends after the weight loss, only because they felt that they settled for a person that accepted them being overweight. I don't know, I maybe one of those women myself. I guess we will see in time.