So Sick and Tired of This Battle

[divaliciousdee 0]

Jodie I too know what it is like to be teased and taunted in high school! I have been waiting on approval now for 3 months! I turned in my paperwork inMay and the waited a month before they told me I needed 2 more years of medical records. I have lupus and scleroderma(secondary). I have chronic fatigue and I am becoming housebound unfortunately. I go to work and come home. I believe God directed me to this site. I feel like I am among friends and I don't even know them personally. Take it one day at a time, I know it sounds so cliche but really it is true. I know I will be approved and I have already set my date with my surgeon. Visualize it and just wait on the actualization. Vent, Vent, Vent and also keep a journal. U will look back on this months from now and realize how far you have come. Delarla is great with advice I have read alot of her posts as well as Dylansmom and Alexandra. Keep the faith!!

[j_war06 0]

I cant keep a journal, I cant write that much, I cant even type that much my hands hurt too badly, so if I want to do a long post I type it little bits at a time and copy and paste it on here. See, I am helpless, I feel like a vegetable except for the fact I could have prevented this from happening, I could have stayed on a diet, I could have exercised when I was younger. I feel so horrible, I feel like I am slowly killing myself. They originally thought that I had lupus, but I didnt, I am sorry though that you do and I will keep you in my prayers.

[divaliciousdee 0]

U are not helpless! U have a great mind and u express yourself well! I had to make a decision to take the bull by the horns! I am dieting now in anticipation of the surgery. Rome wasn't built in a day. Do what u can now. I know it seems like forever when u diet, well all want it to come off after the first day. I know that u are at your wits end but I read the appeal and you really wrote a great one. I am looking forward years from now to see u post on this site as Jodie Warner, Esquire. This is just a stumbling block But God will lead you around it!

[porclndoll 0]

Jodie,

That appeal letter was awesome. I hope it brings you a speedy approval. Hang in there!!

There are others on this board who have had to fight UHC, and have won! Good luck to you!

Sincerely

[j_war06 0]

Well right now I have to take adepex (phentermine) for appetite suppressent. I have never eaten a whole lot, just a little of everything that is bad for you lol. I take so much medication that I dont eat right now, what if the band doesnt work? I will be eating even less than now I know, but I am worried, I wasnt worried 4 months ago before the insurance denied me. Now I am scared that it wont work, I do not eat a lot, today I ate a low-fat peach popsicle (all natural fruit), a single serving of red cabbage, and a hand full of crackers. For supper I will barely eat, I dont get it, even when I am not on my meds I am not hungry?????? How did I get this big??

[Marimaru 7]

Jodie,

What if your 'journaled' into a tape recorder? If you felt like it, you could copy it all down later when you felt more up to it. It really might help you to get ALL those feelings out, even if they are only for you to see/hear.

If you've been on meds for appetite suppressants, your stomach may have shrunk a little bit, depending on how long you've been doing it. Your body may be more used to eating less now. Just keep in mind that eating "a little of everything" adds up to alot! 1/2 cup of this, 1/2 a bowl of that, 1/4 of one of these, 1/3 of one of those, etc etc.

Unfortunately the insurance battle can be a long one, but one way or another you have to believe that you will get what you need for yourself and keep fighting for it!

[j_war06 0]

Im trying, I just wish for once I was "normal" I am tired of being different, I have always been different, for once I want to blend into the trendy teen scene. I dont know what God has up his sleeves for me, but is scares me sometimes because for the past 17 years he has put me through the hoops. I dont know, I get inspired to do different things, then realize that they are not right for me to do either. I am however looking at taking a computer job for Fastweb.com a scholarship resource in return they pay me a scholarship. The job is blogging about your daily life twice a week, I think it would be a great way of journaling, I just hope they will hire me. If they dont they dont know what they are missing out on because my Psychiatrist thinks I ought to write a book. I have also come to realize that this is gonna be a hard year, my g-pa died my sophomore year and this is my senior year, and he always asked me what I was going to do my senior year, if I wanted a new car, if I wanted to go on a trip, where I was going to school, and so on. I miss him so much, and he is going to miss it all physically, I dont know I just feel like I am falling apart and having to pick up the pieces, its been a hard summer knowing I am going to have to go back to school in August and that he is not going to be there to see everything not to mention the fact that my grandmother is trying to kill herself, she is always high on medicines and runs over ppl in town and tries to OD, I dont know, I really dont want another grandparent missing. I am having a hard time today with all this.

[Alexandra 55]

Jodie, I've got a couple of things to say. First, you may want to edit your letter here on the site to remove some of the personal identifying details. If you want me to do it or help you I'll be happy to. The text of the letter is excellent, but it's a lot of personal information and someday you may regret making it public.

Secondly, you MUST get some Protein in! If today's menu is typical, your body is starved of the nutrients it needs to get healthy and stay that way. Overweight or not, fruit popsicles and crackers are NOT the basis of a nutritious eating plan.

Last, I hate to burst your bubble (such as it is), but it seems that several things you're suffering from are not weight-related at all and therefore may not be helped by weight loss. I'm not saying they won't be--almost everything looks brighter from a lower weight--but chronic fatigue syndrome is not a result of being overweight. The time to take charge of that diagnosis is now, not at some future date after which you'll have a band.

I'm sorry to be a wet blanket, but if you're fighting an employer's exclusion it's the employer who will have to make the decision. I hope you're appealing to them as well? United Healthcare simply has the employer's contract to fall back on and has no obligation of any kind to provide services the contract doesn't cover.

I hope your days are brighter than they sound when you post here. The good news is that you're so young and have so much going for you in terms of smarts that I know you will prevail before too much longer. But for now the point I'm trying to make is that obesity surgery is not going to be the miracle cure you are hoping for even if you do get approved; it's a slow process and so is healing from the damage done.

There are other ways to address your current challenges, and one of them is getting more protein!!

[j_war06 0]

more Protein?? from what? Also CFS is a comorbidy because it can not be solved unless I lose weight. To get rid of CFS you have to be able to move around and take shots, I cant even take the shots because the tissue it is injected in is soooo sensitive because of the high amount of nerves in it. Also, I became depressed because of my weight (I have been depressed since I was about 6). All my knee problems would not be problems if not for my weight. I have went about the appeal process correctly, I know this because I had help with an actual lawyer and I used my pre-law pass online to get laws and insurance policy information from websites devoted to law students. I am at my wit's edge. I don't have great or good days, I have okay days because a day doesnt go by that I am not discriminated against, messed with, penalized, or in pain because the insurance company would not cover me. The exclusion in the company policy is borderline illegal (not quite, it is legal) because it discriminates upon people who are obese, and that discrimination was made illegal within the last 3 years. Not to mention the fact that I have the WORST luck in the world, and I am a pessimist becauseof this. Anytime I just know something is going to happen, it doesnt. Even if I cant help but hope, it doesnt go through. But if I retain my position that its not going to happen, then maybe it will. This is how my life goes. No, being thin is not a solution to my problems, it is a relief factor because the weight has done the damage that can not be fixed even through surgery.

P.S. Thanks for editing the letter for me, I was in a rush doing college homework, but Mom's SSN# wasnt on the top of it lol, but that information needed to be removed anyway

[Alexandra 55]

more Protein?? from what?

Just eat more foods with Protein. Especially if you're eating very little, it becomes even more important to eat foods that are protein rich. Why can't you eat more protein?

Not to mention the fact that I have the WORST luck in the world, and I am a pessimist becauseof this. Anytime I just know something is going to happen, it doesnt. Even if I cant help but hope, it doesnt go through. But if I retain my position that its not going to happen, then maybe it will. This is how my life goes.

I know someone in my own life who does this too. He is convinced that no matter what, his life is worse than anyone else's. And of course it's not. His wife is currently having chemo for breast cancer. Guess what? I tell him. HER life is worse than yours. I truly believe attitude affects how we see the world and that's a good thing, because we can always adjust our attitudes.

I truly hope you can find some solutions for your pain, whether it's banding surgery or something else. Peace.

[porclndoll 0]

Insurance companies that are working for an employer dont have to follow certain federal guidelines.....I forget what its called, but they make up their own policy. If the employer says to cover lollipops and bandaides then they cover lollipops and bandaides. Therefore the discrimination thing doesn't always work with "well its a federal law" feeling. Crap I wish I could remember what thats called....I use to work for Empire BlueCross BlueShield. The companies that we were representing told us what to cover and what not to cover...and because they were a self pay customer, the fed guidelines didn't always fit into the policy...They paid us to cover what they wanted covered. We had High Profile companies too...There was one company that didn't allow for a lot in their policy. The people would call us (not all ways nice people too) and bitch us out for not covering this that and the other. We would tell them, its not in your contract, call your HR rep. They would call as soon as we would hang up, the company would call us and approve the procedure. Seemed kinda pointless, but hey, it was their dime...literally. Then there was a famous news channell that we use to cover here in New York...and they actually covered cosmetic surgery for their employees! Can you imagin that? Elective Cosmetic surgery...face lifts and stuff.....WHOA Nice company to work for!! Appeals can happen....but Alex is right, sounds like you need to lift your self outta this depression and not depend on the appeal to happen right away..........Proteins.....proteins....proteins.....They not only give you energy, long term energy that wont wear off like surgar based HIGHS.....but they will help you build muscle too. Proteins...meats, eggs, cheese, tofu!!

IN THE WORDS OF JOE DIRT

KEEP ON KEEPIN ON GIRL!

TTYL

**edit** I just remembered what that guideline is called. If the policy is a Self Administered Policy then the Federal Guidelines don't always apply. The company pays for the policy therefore they can pick and choose policies to cover.

[divaliciousdee 0]

Ditto Porclndoll!!! ....but Alex is right, sounds like you need to lift your self outta this depression and not depend on the appeal to happen right away...... Jodie you have some great support here and these ladies and gentlemen Rock! Listen to them, listen to yourself the one on the inside that is waiting for you to open up so she can come out. Yes you have illnesses so do alot of us. I have a birth defect that is on my face called sturgy webber oslo rondeau one side is bigger than the other. Hemangioma is what it is normally called it is not that bad. My plastic surgeon says that when I lose 100lbs it would be less noticeable. I was teased in high school and was dateless throughout. I was depressed but then I realized that there is a purpose for all of us under the sun. I am very compassionate as a result of the teasing. I can talk to people going through problems and help in some way or the other. Now at 36 I am a late bloomer! I get asked out all the time and I weigh 336 pounds (5"9)! I have realized that you have to go through something to get something. Jodie what I get from your posts I feel have a little to do with weight and alot with other things. Alex gave you some wonderful advice. Edit what you say on here because u may look back on it and say what in the hay was I thinkning? LOL Losing weight is not the solution for all of our problems. I know most of mine will be there when the weight is gone LOL. Bottom line, You will get approved, you will lose weight, you will feel better with you knees, you will go to school at least freshmen year college and a babe at that! Peace and take care, diva

[j_war06 0]

lol I am a freshman in college, half my college will be done by the time I get to a 4-year university. I do not know where to get Protein from, I have figured out that I eat plenty or I wouldnt be as big as I am. No, my life isnt worse than everyone else's that is not how a pessimist looks upon things. A pessimist looks at things like nothing will work out for anyone, especially them. Not necessarily that they have the worst life in the world (thats severe depression), but that if something bad is possible, then it will happen to them. Also, I believe in not being over-confident because you will get struck down. Its not a depressed state it is a political state (yes it really is). Also, everything that is wrong in my life is contributed by my weight. I would have higher grades if I wasnt big (partially because I could goto school more), I would have more friends (because I wouldnt be bitter toward the skinny people when they talk about other fat people or because they can shop in these stores and I cant or because they make rude comments about my weight), I would be more active (because I could actually move, plus face a lot less discrimination), I wouldnt have to spend ALL this money (because there wouldnt be as many Dr.'s Bills). I dont know, I just think that my weight has ruined my life on so many levels including emotionally and socially. Yes, I would have had some problem if I wasnt obese like a big nose, or ears, or big feet or something else that would be wrong and I understand that. Thinness isnt everything, yet it is the social key to American soceity, education, and business.

[Alexandra 55]

Jodie, you can get Protein from any meat, fish, or dairy source. Beans are also good. Why would you have trouble finding Protein to eat? Quantity isn't all that matters with food--WHAT you eat can be more important than how much.

And sure being overweight is difficult in today's society. But if what you say were true, no obese person would ever succeed socially or in any other way. And that's obviously not the case. Plenty of people carrying around more excess weight than you are able to achieve as much as anyone else every single day. Just look around here on the board!

Having a scapegoat for our troubles is nice. Having a way out is even better. Looking inward for that way is always the place to start.

[j_war06 0]

I do not eat a lot of meat because it makes me feel bogged down, tired, and sick. I do not eat a lot of dairy because I dont like it either. The only time I get dairy is when I take my medicine at night, I drink a shotglass of milk to get the pills down. Beans also make me SOOOO sick, they come straight back up with my acid reflux disease. There is a whole lot that I can't eat, it is my option to not taking any extra medications like prilosec. I already take like 5 or 6 pills before bed every night, I don't want to add to that, plus I have done fine on this little diet as far as not being sick to my stomach and throwing up embarassingly in front of everyone I know. Although I will eat some meat, it has to be baked or grilled chicken, I can eat the occasional small hamburger, I do not eat pork at all it makes me incredibly sick to my stomach.

Plus, I do believe that a bigger person with the same qualifications of a thin person will not succeed as well as the bigger person. I have studies that prove it too.