I am this shallow?

[Maranda 0]

Ok so I am not one to feel the need to be the center of attention. I enjoy making people laugh and smile but I don't have to be the focus. So the family gathered at my sisters house which is 3hrs away. I had my surgery Sept 30th. I had seen my parents about 1 week after my surgery (my parents only live about 25miles from me) since then I have been in suclusion so to speak. I worked Thanksgiving so I missed that gathering. So Christmas day I was excited could not wait for everyone to see me. Mom, Dad, my sisters the whole family. When everyone arrived NOT ONE person looked at me and said "wow, you look good" you loook great" NOTHING. NOTHING WAS MENTIONED. Short of me almost in tears I mentioned it to my family I said Do you all not see I look different. Yeah we see.. but otherwise nothing. I really felt let down so to speak. I was not expecting a grand entrance but a little something from my family. A double take, a pat on the back.. I know this seems shallow but I was really hoping they would see changes that my coworkers see and tell me. Maybe this is one of the many reasons I got to the size I did. Being the middle child and looking for validation that I never seem to get. Nope that is not it.. I just ate to much. Maybe next year I'll get that moment I was wanting/wishing/waiting hoping for. Thanks for listening.

Maranda:blush:

[AngieAngel 0]

Weird! I just had the same experience over Xmas holiday with my family. I have people at work telling me they can 'see it in my face' already and they work with me everyday. I wonder what that is all about? Regardless, don't let it get you down...keep going :confused:!!

[wintobethin 5]

Ok so I am not one to feel the need to be the center of attention. I enjoy making people laugh and smile but I don't have to be the focus. So the family gathered at my sisters house which is 3hrs away. I had my surgery Sept 30th. I had seen my parents about 1 week after my surgery (my parents only live about 25miles from me) since then I have been in suclusion so to speak. I worked Thanksgiving so I missed that gathering. So Christmas day I was excited could not wait for everyone to see me. Mom, Dad, my sisters the whole family. When everyone arrived NOT ONE person looked at me and said "wow, you look good" you loook great" NOTHING. NOTHING WAS MENTIONED. Short of me almost in tears I mentioned it to my family I said Do you all not see I look different. Yeah we see.. but otherwise nothing. I really felt let down so to speak. I was not expecting a grand entrance but a little something from my family. A double take, a pat on the back.. I know this seems shallow but I was really hoping they would see changes that my coworkers see and tell me. Maybe this is one of the many reasons I got to the size I did. Being the middle child and looking for validation that I never seem to get. Nope that is not it.. I just ate to much. Maybe next year I'll get that moment I was wanting/wishing/waiting hoping for. Thanks for listening.

Maranda:blush:

You go Maranda and GOD BLESS YOU! I too am in the same situation, but a different story. I have told my DH family about me having surgery Jan.16th. On Christmas no one said GOOD LUCK or NOTHING! 99.9% of them are over weight and need to lose a good 50lbs (there's 53 in the family). So I know it will be the same for me. BUT, I am not doing it for them (piss on them) I am doing it for ME!!!!!!!! I put most of my weight on by sitting for 8 years taking care of my mother (in my house)who lay in a hosptial bed unable to speak or eat (feeding tube), she had strokes. She died 6 years ago, and I know she is watching over me and wanting me to get this weight off. Don't do it for them, do it for yourself and most of all do it for US who love to hear the good stories of weight loss, I am proud of you even thou I don't know you!!

I also have a brother and sister whom I haven't talked to in over 6 years. My sister didn't even attend our mother's funeral!!!! My whole family is gone, so I am doing this for myself, DH and DS, they are soooo proud of me..........Jan

[travelinsnorkel 0]

I've had both experiences. I either get nothing or a wow, you look great! I'm wondering if some people think you don't want to talk about it? Or they don't want to make you feel like you looked bad before? Who is to say! It is nice to have the positive reinforcement though!

[deanstax 0]

Don't worry. I'm sure you look great and do look different. Sadlly our family can be the most judgmental and envious.

[CynthiaMcC 0]

You are not shallow. I've found that people can be very reticient about discussing weight loss. I am not sure how much you lost, but I found that many people, including close friends and family, did not comment until I hit 50 pounds. Even now, when I have lost 6 sizes, I have been surprised by how many people have not mentioned it ... and by some, like clients, who have mentioned it.

Hang in there, you are making great progress.

[illinoishusker 0]

I don't think it's shallow. I think it's normal to want your support system and your family to be excited for you and to give positive reinforcement.

That just sucks and I'd be pretty disappointed too. Just know that you are doing a great thing for yourself and you will be the winner in the end!

[miranda robinson 0]

Ok so I am not one to feel the need to be the center of attention. I enjoy making people laugh and smile but I don't have to be the focus. So the family gathered at my sisters house which is 3hrs away. I had my surgery Sept 30th. I had seen my parents about 1 week after my surgery (my parents only live about 25miles from me) since then I have been in suclusion so to speak. I worked Thanksgiving so I missed that gathering. So Christmas day I was excited could not wait for everyone to see me. Mom, Dad, my sisters the whole family. When everyone arrived NOT ONE person looked at me and said "wow, you look good" you loook great" NOTHING. NOTHING WAS MENTIONED. Short of me almost in tears I mentioned it to my family I said Do you all not see I look different. Yeah we see.. but otherwise nothing. I really felt let down so to speak. I was not expecting a grand entrance but a little something from my family. A double take, a pat on the back.. I know this seems shallow but I was really hoping they would see changes that my coworkers see and tell me. Maybe this is one of the many reasons I got to the size I did. Being the middle child and looking for validation that I never seem to get. Nope that is not it.. I just ate to much. Maybe next year I'll get that moment I was wanting/wishing/waiting hoping for. Thanks for listening.

Maranda:blush:

i keep harping on about the emotional issues in regard to weight and the reasons why we hang onto it. when I told friend what I was doing she said 'I like you just the way you are' what is it with people, how could they, I dont. friends seem to feel threatened when you begin to look good and dont seem to want you to be normal (as such) I think they like to feel superior some how.

although your family may not appreciate what you have acheived those who struggle with weight issues every day understand the strength and courage that you under take every day, it is hard but keep on going but your confidence will grow and 'sod them all'.

[SunnyRachel 7]

Hugs to you, Maranda!!!!

We all want validation! You are not being shallow at all.

I just wanted to wish you lots of continued success!! You're doing great!

[HeatherO 7]

I didn't get much until I went down several sizes . . . the first few months comments were sparse . . . unless I mentioned something and then it is like, oh yeah you do look good.

However, when I got close to goal, the comments became regular and more extreme. It took major weight loss to really get peoples attention.

Don't worry . . . it is coming soon, just imagine the looks on everyone's faces next Christmas.

[als74 1]

If you are anything like me, you have gone on many diets, loosing anywhere from 5 to 40+ lbs. I think after a while people just stop- like crying wolf- they praised you before and put the weight back on, lets not praise until the job is done mentality. I know my husband is skeptical. I have lost 20 lbs so far, and as I have heard it said, "it is like throwing a deck chair off the Titanic." What they don't understand is how hard every pound is, and that we need encouragement through out the WHOLE process. My biggest problem is accepting the paise. I feel like the lap band it helping me cheat, and that I am not really loosing it on my own. I know this is crazy, but I can't help feeling this way. I just want to be healthy, it shouldn't really matter how I get that way. My brain and heart just don't agree with each other. There are certain people I want acknowlege from, and the rest can piss off.

[dawn7672 0]

I must admit I am one of those family members. Here's my reasoning: I don't want to comment because the person may not want to say in fornt of others how they lost weight. My brothers girlfriend had the surgery and she lost alottt of wt. and although I wanted to say how great she looked, she wasn't aware that we knew that she had the surgery. Often when people lose wt., we begin to ask them how, what did they do, but by me knowing, I didn't want to otherwise OUT her in front of everyone. I know for myself, when others begin to notice me losing wt, they begin to ask alot of intruding questions. I chose not to tell alot of people. I have those in my family that would act in front of me like they are supportive of my decision, and then critize everything I put in my mouth or make snide comments to make me feel uncomfortable.

I hope this makes sense.

[Maranda 0]

Thank you to all who have replied. I guess this is just another hurdle I have to accept and quit looking for validation from people. I need to remind myself I did this for me. Its a hard pill to swallow. I was really disappointed. Maybe I put my expectations too high. Just let it go... just let it go... just let it go.. my mantra this year.

[terilynn112 1]

i've had a bunch of people at church say to my mom is she sick? she's loosing weight. My mom often says no she's working hard to loose. But have they said one word to me? NOPE! Most of my family doesn't say anything either. My mom is encouraging. Thank God for her.

Teri

[WendyDawnn 0]

It's so interesting to read this post... when my sister was banded in 2005, ALL the family would ask for her to appear at any family gathering... everyone wanted to SEE her and how she looked after losing weight. Me, on the other hand, I would go to NO family events, because I hated the looks they gave me after seeing her success. The sad thing is, now that I'm finally banded, there are very few left in my family - Mom passed away in May, so she doesn't even know I finally made it!

So, in my situation, while I do get support from my sisters - the one who lives nearby frequently tells me she can see how much I've lost (prior to surgery) - and my boyfriend "liked me the way I was"... so he NEVER says anything (and he would notice, as I don't get to see him very often - he still lives in my hometown and I only see him a couple of times a month right now), and my boys see me day in and day out, so they don't "really" notice (teenage boys - I don't expect much from them anyway) --- SO... this is something I have done for ME. Always was. My goal is to get healthy.. to be able to do the physical activities I always loved... to fly across the country WITHOUT a seatbelt extender (done, Dec 20 and 23)... and to buy clothes at Target or Walmart (done! Sitting here in Walmart jammies!!).

I agree with what has been said - look to yourself for validation. YOU are the one who knows the difference in you... in your clothing size... in the numbers on the scale... in your level of activity. I am the one to set my goals, and I'll be the one doing the happy dance, feeling empowered, finally being proud of me, and lifting the veil of low self-esteem - one achievement at a time!

Go ME! Now how shallow does that sound?? LOL!!!