could really use some help please!

[want_so_bad 0]

i am going to try to make a long story short and get to the point. i was banded october 2007. did fairly well losing, although it was slow. was overfilled late july and had to get a complete unfill. for various reasons i remained unfilled until the 10th of this month. during this time i yo-yo'ed with 10 lbs. it turned out to be more like 10-15lbs when i got to the doctor for the fill. i had an agressive fill. ended up going back a day and half later for a partial unfill. i am "sensitive" to fills now.

i feel some restriction. its not wide open like it was for sure. but i am not at a good spot either.

plus i cant get my head around or to the spot i need to be at again to really get going back on my journey to my goal weight! i cant find the motivation i once i had. i feel weepy and depressed about it. like i will never get there. and its all of my own making. i keep saying, i will start tomorrow. or monday....and that day comes and i find another flimsy excuse. i know all this...what am i doing?

i just need to get back to it. i am gonna schedule another fill for february.

anything anyone can offer to get me going would be much appreciated! thanks

[OH Juli 15]

First of all, take a deep breath. No really. Inhale, exhale.

You're fine.

You are not a failure.

May I suggest you stop looking for the motivation you once had, because that time is in the past. Look for some motivation that fits you today and will work for tomorrow. It might be like what you had before but it could be something new. I too got stuck looking for that "new car smell" that feeling of how it was in the beginning, but the car's not new, it's going to smell different. This isn't the beginning, it's going to be different. That's reasonable, no?

So between here and February what can you do that will make you feel a little more at peace? Can you just be at peace with your restriction level, knowing it will change in a few weeks? Can you do things that promote good banding behavior, like drinking Water or exercise and give yourself permission to let the other stuff go until you get that fill?

I dare say you probably need to look at all that is good, find one or two things that you can say have been improved since you've been banded and focus on those. Don't worry about what is missing right now. It will come.

Good luck.

[Surby 1]

Oh my gosh, I posted a very similar thread just a little while ago. I was unfilled after an overfill b/c I was going out of the country and was having terrible reflux. During that time, my mother was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer and passed away Dec. 17. I have gained 20 pounds, and I hate the thought of going in for a fill. How embarrassing!! I think we're taking a step in the right direction just getting on LapBand Talk. I'm already feeling a little encouraged. I'm going to try to go ahead and cut portions in half again and walk a little every day. Maybe little baby steps will help!!

[want_so_bad 0]

oh julie- you are right, i need to focus on something(s) positive until i reach restriction again. i am going to work on this. i also brought a bunch of crystal light packets to restock my desk at work.

on the 5th i am gonna start the 5-day pouch test. all my visiting family will be gone, no more parties or get togethers. i will start fresh with a week of work. less chance to screw it up when i am at work all day. starting on the weekend is just self-sabotage...all day at home. plus i have extra motivation--i made a pact with a friend of mine who had gastic bypass. i stay very accountable with her, i just cant lie to her. she is going to start monday with me.

i have printed off a weekly walking workout from msn fitness and am going to start that tonight on the treadmill.

and my fill is scheduled for feb 4. i want to have something to show for my slight fill. i am just gonna do this.

surby- i am so sorry to hear about your mother. i wish you and your family the best. i hope you are doing well. you will get back on track. i cant imagine all there is to deal with. best of luck.

[Tyanna 0]

Juli you are right about looking for new motavation. I have become used to my weight and the way I look now that I

really have to look for new motavation to get the last 40 lbs off. I really needed that pep talk you gave Want!!!!! I really want to get those lbs off before I consider plastic surgery. I have not gained any weight but I have been at a platue for a couple of months. I am going to schedual a fill on Monday but it will probably be a month away. My son-in-law is a new banster so I know I have to get going again to be a real inspiration to him. His mother is totally against it so it is just his wife, sister and I for support. His wife spends a lot of time on here trying to get a lot of information for him to help him along. So Thank you Juli for the pep talk i really needed it.

Ok Want I think I will do the 5 day pouch test also sounds like a good idea!!! Keep us posted here with how things are going. I right with you!!!!

[OH Juli 15]

Tyanna,

Yeah for your SIL. I look forward to meeting him and seeing you again in a few weeks (I saw that on the other thread).

Sometimes we struggle so hard for it to be just like it was when it was new...you know once you are married a few years behaving like newly weds just doesn't happen. Well because you're not newly weds. But that doesn't mean you're not in love.

Same with the band. Even when the newness has faded there are great ways to relate to your band that supports positive results.

Sometimes getting out of our own way to let those new ways develop is the hardest thing, don't you think?

Happy New Year to everyone!

[Lala D 0]

Want - I totally understand what you are talking about. I have also been very blue lately. The holidays, though wonderful, are often hard and pressure filled. You and I were part of the tenacious tens but I don't really feel that "tenacious."

Juli makes some really good points. Things change as we get further along with the process. I really liked her honeymoon analogy. I guess the hardest thing is to be happy and accept where we are now. If you stayed at the weight you are now, are you happier than you were when you started this journey? I know I am. That doesn't mean that I want to stop losing but if for some strange reason I have to stay at a 50 lb weight loss, that is ok. I feel better, look so much better, and my health is better. I also did the 5DPT last week and lost the 4ish lbs I gained during the holidays. That really helped. Take it one day at a time and love yourself each and every day. Some days suck but ultimately life is really good.

Take care and good luck on your journey. Here's to finding our tenaciousness again!!!