Discrimination Over Your Weight

[S@ssen@ch 745]

Amy, you poor thing............I originally missed your post, it had gone over to the 2nd page and I didn't see it. But, my goodness what a horrible experience. I think I would have gone to the management and complained about that waitress, making sure I got her name, description, everything. I might have waited til I had a couple drinks in me to boost my confidance, but I definatly would have gone to management. She sounds like she's in the wrong business.

Gosh this is a great subject. Although I hadn't really thought about it until you asked the question. Initially I thought that I hadn't really felt discriminated against, but then I started working it over in my mind.

At least 5 or 6 years ago I had applied for a job. I was more than qualified and I was very excited about the prospects of this job. I interviewed. They called me and said they gave it to someone else. When I found out that the "someone else" was someone who I was currently TRAINING for the field I was flabberghasted. I spoke to someone at the company after that and was told that she simply "interviewed better." I was so terribly hurt that this company would hire someone who hadn't even finished training for the field she was planning on being a manager for. It was my understanding that the training I was providing was her ONLY experience in this particular field. Now, I wonder if it didn't have something to do with my weight. I hadn't really thought about it and I probably would have been even more hurt at the time had I even considered it.

In the past, I have been "snubbed" by store clerks but I'm not so sure that qualifies as discrimination. To be honest, that's one of the main reasons I hate shopping. I hate being looked at sideways and knowing that they're thinking all kinds of horrible things about the way I look.

[NewSho 20]

I thought I'd seen or experienced every kind of discrimination there is.

But nothing has PROFOUNDLY affected my life than being overweight as a child and obese as an adult. Without a doubt it affected every single aspect of my adulthood from professional (The 'lighter' I am, the more I've earned - since college graduation this has been true) to social to romantic.

Discrimination based on weight is real, and it's profound. It is overwhelmingly the most obvious, direct, and acceptable form of discrimination allowed in our society today.

I can't even number the episodes, quantify the amount or even document some of the most aggregious examples of discrimination I've suffered. It's too numerous,

but the effects have been etched on me and my psyche. And that's true.

Someday I'd love to have real advocacy for people who are 'of size' or 'obese' or whatever we prefer to be called. I think there is a silent (majority?) who deserve to have its voice heard, and to band together to prevent further infection of weight discrimination.

Happy Band Journeys To All...

[FunnyDuddies 6]

I didn't have to complain. We have pretty good friends. Without a fuss my husband and Greig, Tera's husband, went to the owner who was near the front and quietly talked to him. I begged them to wait till the end before we left to go dancing cause I didn't want to deal with the stares and the possible very public apology and then even worse service by them raising a fuss early in the dinner. They didn't listen, but the owner was nice about it. He took our address from rob, and never even looked towards me. At first I thought it was a wasted effort. Today in the mail I got a 2 PAGE apology letter from him. Can you believe it?? He said he would be happy to provide me with a refund, or a free meal, or whatever I wanted for this, but the leter was perfect and all I want. I will call him later to thank him. THAT is the way things should be dealt with.

[barbara465 2]

Amy,

I am wiping the tears from my eyes reading about your experience and the letter you received. I've never experienced anything quite so blantant. How proud you must be of your friends and your husband. They went as a messenger to right a wrong. The only thing better, in my opinion, would have been a letter from the waitress. It just wants you to look for something about them and ask them how they can live with whatever (hair above their lip, bushy eyebrows, small boobs, etc.) You are a better person than me. I applaud the one you handled it.

[NeenBand 7]

I have always had an interest in acting. At one point in my life I really went for it. Studied in London, NYC and started auditioning. I was very good I have to say. I had people tell me "I had it" and to "never stop trying". But the terrible treatment I received in auditions and from other actors because of my weight and on sets was so traumatizing I quit acting and although I long to do it again, I'm afriad to because it was so damaging to my self esteem.

Just recently, I was sitting in a circle of women at a salon and a salesman came by with samples and handed them to everyone BUT ME. He looked at me and walked away.

[Jachut 487]

I've honestly never faced discrimination over my weight, but at my highest I was no more than 80lb overweight - given I'm tall that's fat for sure but I always blended in with people in general since these days more than half the population is overweight.

However, had I wanted to return to receptionist type work over the past few years rather than stay home with kids, I'm pretty sure I'd have not gotten jobs based on the way I looked. Mainly because I just couldnt pull together that efficient, groomed look when I felt sloppy and fat and poorly dressed.

[Nykee 13]

I almost never get my window washed at the gas station.. !

If I go with my daughter, she does!

lol

[TommyO 5]

Nykee, I would be honoured to wash your window :cake:

[GayleTX 1]

I haven't weighed less than 250 lbs since I was in my 20's (and that's 3 decades ago). I am quite sure I have been discriminated against because yes indeed fat discrimination is alive and well!!, but never have I been aware of it in an obvious way. I have acheived a lot both in my education, my career, and in my personal life and have been recognized for many achievements. Much of how we are treated is dependent on how we perceive ourselves, how we present ourselves, and how we treat others. People are much more interested in themselves than they are anyone else....we just have to take the focus off ourselves and put it on them in a positive way. That attitude is good for our own well-being and miraculously turns many of those people who could easily be fat-bashers into nicer-acting people when you are around.

[Tired_Old_Man 1]

Within the past few years, I have seen TV shows like 20/20 and Dateline NBC do segments on discrimination.

They did things like send people to a car dealership, or to rent a house, to apply for a job, etc.

When one person was better looking, (s)he got preference.

When one person was white and the other Black, the white person got preference.

When one person was slimmer, (s)he got preference.

For buying cars, the men got a better deal without even trying to bargain.

When one woman was blond, she got preference.

What was funny, was that people tend to discriminate against one group, even when they are in another group that gets discriminated against.

In other words, don't expect a Black person to treat you fairly if you are fat and your competition is slender. Just because a person has experienced discrimination, doesn't mean he can see it when he does it.

If you have not seen the academy award winning movie "Crash" yet, I suggest that you see it because this theme runs throughout the movie.

But getting back to the thread, we as people of weight, need to clean up our own act and maybe even get together with other discriminated groups so as to be more aware of each other's situation and also because there is power in numbers.

[green 6]

I have been discriminated against because of my sex - I am a woman who builds aircraft - but I don't know that I have been personally discriminated against because of weight; if I have, it hasn't been to my face. I do know that all larger women are being discriminated against when it comes to buying clothes. Once you hit those plus sizes it's good-bye to natural fibres and the cute little black dress, and hello! synthetics, florals, pastel colours, and cute appliques. It is like the fashion world wants to punish the fat girl for something that is the result of genetics and a modern lifestyle. I've also been cursed with big feet and I can't get cute shoes, either. Seems that there is a cut-off point here, too. I guess this is my personal peeve.

And T.O.M., your comments concerning discrimination are right on the money. It seems that there is a part of all of us that tends to favour the in-group. This is why the Hollywood fantasies continue to flourish. We all want to see something that is better and more attractive than our usual selves.

[Ariel 1]

I have been discriminated against in all aspects. Just recently, i got passed over for a promotion. The girl that was promoted to supervisor has less experience but she is very thin and very flirty. Well the girl is doing a horrible job and our boss came up to me and offered me the position. I declined and i am currently looking for a new job. I don't want to work in such a toxic enviroment any more. I haven't quit yet, i don't want to be jobless, but i can't wait until i find the new job and i can tell them all goodbye.

[gonnabethin 10]

Within the past few years, I have seen TV shows like 20/20 and Dateline NBC do segments on discrimination.

The best one Ive seen is the woman who wore a fat suit for several days and she was actually reduced to tears by how people treated her. The only positive is she got to take it off and return to skinny life.

[carolel 0]

Hi all,

I've been discriminated against too. I dress very professionally at all times because I don't want to be seen as fat AND a slob. That doesn't help though. They'll still do it. My most recent was just this weekend. I went into this store that I frequent alot.

I need to start way back though. There's a lady who has been working there for 15 years. I find something to like about everybody but this woman just grinds me. 15 years ago, when my youngest son was 6 months old, I had him in a stroller and had a 6 year old tagging along, I was shopping here. I was overweight then too. Maybe 225 pounds. I had my arms full of clothes to try on and my purse and diaperbag hung on the back of the stroller. Well...the stroller began tipping over backwards with my baby in it. I was trying to hold the clothes and rescue him and keep the 6 year old from running away. A real struggle in a hot and crowded store. She just stood there watching me struggle. Didn't offer to take the clothes or anything. I finally dropped all the clothes in the floor and rescued my child. She immediately looked at me in disgust and said, "If you'd have asked, I'd have taken them". I lost it! I asked why in the world did I need to ask when she's there to help the customer and she saw that i obviously needed her to take the clothing. She began to cry and the manager came over and apologized saying that she was a new employee.

Everytime I go into this store, this woman is rude. She's still there after 15 years, I don't know how. It's a chain. She never offers to help anyone and you have to hunt her down when you need help. If you ever return anything, she acts like the money is coming out of her pocket.

Anyway, this weekend, I went in the store. I needed an orange shirt for Halloween. I was in a size 22-24 shirt before being banded on Oct.3rd and now I'm in an 18!! Yeah!! But anyhow... there was one orange shirt in this store and it was hanging up high. I hunted her down and asked her to please see what size it was. She looked at me and said " it's too small for you." I said, "if you don't mind, I'd still like to know what size it is." She sighed and went to get it down. She said "It's an 18! I TOLD you it was too small for you!" THEN she walks over and picks up another shirt that was a light peachy color and said "here, this may work for you. It's a size 28-30." I just looked at her, turned and walked out. I WILL NOT put up with this any longer. I will be sending a letter to the corporate office as soon as I find out her name.

People are unbelieveable! I never once told her that I was looking for a shirt for myself.

I would absolutely LOVE being an advocate for people who are overweight.

If you notice..I didn't say overweight people but people who are overweight. First and foremost, we are people! We don't need to be identified that way!

[Terrilen 0]

What is really sad is dating! People would rather you be a drug addict than fat! It makes me sick!