What the Hell....Is He REALLY in my corner?

[tktilly27 0]

I just got Band (Realize Band), 12/08/08. My boyfriend was very supportive the 1st 6 days. When I start to eat soft foods he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted some ice cream. WTF!!! Granted we use to buy Walmart's Butter Peacan Ice cream, but he not only bought 1 box, but he bought 2 BOXES!!! He even bought 2 packages of Cookies, and we haven't had cookies in the house for the last month and 1/2.

He was telling me that he didn't think that I should get the surgery at all. He asked me why and WHO I was getting it for. CRAZY!!! He even "joked" that he may have it get a tracking device to put on my car. Yes he does have issues!!!

Has anyone else had issues with their men?Also we have been dating for over 9 years. He wants to get married but I'm not quite sure, no I know, that he doesn't have the Player out of him.

T

[BethFromVA 5]

You're always so full of wonderful insight, Jack. That's why I love reading your posts.

I was gonna say time to ditch the boyfriend. :huh2: Anybody who's a player doesn't deserve the time of day.

Besides that he's playing the stalker card as well. And he's already trying to sabotage you. It's possible he will be THE biggest hurdle in your journey.

[LastOptionAtty 0]

I just got Band (Realize Band), 12/08/08. My boyfriend was very supportive the 1st 6 days. When I start to eat soft foods he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted some ice cream. WTF!!! Granted we use to buy Walmart's Butter Peacan Ice cream, but he not only bought 1 box, but he bought 2 BOXES!!! He even bought 2 packages of Cookies, and we haven't had Cookies in the house for the last month and 1/2.

He was telling me that he didn't think that I should get the surgery at all. He asked me why and WHO I was getting it for. CRAZY!!! He even "joked" that he may have it get a tracking device to put on my car. Yes he does have issues!!!

Has anyone else had issues with their men?Also we have been dating for over 9 years. He wants to get married but I'm not quite sure, no I know, that he doesn't have the Player out of him.

T

Hi there TK! Boy did you say a wholeeeee lot in this post! This is just my 2 cents so take it for what it is worth... You already know the answer to all of your questions. You have been together for 9 years:cursing: and he has been unfaithful:mad2::biggrin:.

Why would you want to marry him?

Now he is trying to sabotage your efforts to be healthier. :sad: Did you see a therapist as part of your pre-op procedure? In either case I think you may want to find someone to talk to about your issues and maybe do couples couseling. He is acting out of the fear that he will not longer be able to treat you poorly if you increase your self esteem by losing the weight. Not cool.

[tktilly27 0]

Sorry for the "overload" in my orginal posting:ohmy:. But I was really serious, and also venting:cursing:. I realize that some people around me are not going to be supportive through is journey of mine. Also, in hindsight I should have known what his reaction was going to be.

I really appreicate your comments. Are you getting Banded in January? If so, good luck!! Everyday I learn a little more about the life of being BANDED.:smile:

Have a BLESSED DAY!!!

[LastOptionAtty 0]

Sorry for the "overload" in my orginal posting:ohmy:. But I was really serious, and also venting:cursing:.

>>> Oh you are well within your rights and this is a afe zone :wink:

I realize that some people around me are not going to be supportive through is journey of mine. Also, in hindsight I should have known what his reaction was going to be.

>>>I agree and that is something I went through too when I lost like 45 pounds last year some people were supportive and checking in on me others were always trying to avoid the topic and made me feel like my friendship with them was based only on eating out :wub: The one thing I think that taught me was that I have to do this for me and no one else b/c I want to be healthy.

>>>I really appreicate your comments.

You are welcome 1000%!!:smile:

Are you getting Banded in January? If so, good luck!! Everyday I learn a little more about the life of being BANDED.

Have a BLESSED DAY!!!

Yes my date is Jan. 29th! Please feel free to share any pearls of wisdom with me

[tktilly27 0]

I will most definitely keep you in touch with you. I will add you to my friends!!!:smile:

[Jachut 487]

I dont have any knowledge or insight into your relationship at all, so what is said above may be spot on, I dont know.

But by the same token, dont expect that people around you are going to change for your sake. You need to take responsibility for this yourself. You cant just ban all Cookies and ice cream from the house and consider it problem solved. We have to live with husbands, boyfriends, kids, whatever and they do not necessarily need or want to change just coz you do. You need to learn to deal with Cookies in the house and how to just say "no thanks" when you're offered ice cream.

He may or may not be trying to sabotage you, I dont know, so perhaps the strength of your reaction is totally warranted. But if he just offered you ice cream, you need to realise this is your journey, not his. Support would be nice and I would definitely say something, but its still down to you.

[theninside 0]

:confused:Don't profess to know it all, but my experience first hand is that if you have a man that is insecure, then he will not handle the weight loss once it really starts to come off. All my friends and coworkers tell me how good I am looking, but from this man, I actually get criticism that I never got 60 pound heavier. Iv'e been told I had a flat azz, which is an insult for sista. I been told that I'm losing too much. I still am over 200 pounds. Just ridiculous stuff. During my therapy session, me and my therapist discussed this possibility, and I told him that I didn't have to worry about that with my man because he was supportive and understanding, but a whole new person emerged, once significant weight came off. I did some changing for the better I think, I gained confidence, I changed my hair, and keep it done, I am starting to have more options with clothing, but I am the same person, and I think some men cannot understand that. They feel more men will be attracted to you (which they will), and you will see their insecurities.,

So I think you and I are in a postion where we have to reevaluate our relationships, for our own happiness.

[LaMonica 6]

I agree with theninside...my husband at first was so critical!!! He would make comments about how I must think the surgery is magic...and I never took working out seriously before...how I probably would have been able to lose weight without spending all that money, blah blah blah! Insecurity at it's finest!

You have to live for YOU and learn to control yourself. My hubby can eat whatever he wants whenever he wants to, and I just can't. But don't deprive yourself to make a point either. I eat ice cream, but maybe the REAL serving size of 1/2 cup instead of a whole pint like I used to. Or sugar free popsicles or other treats might satisfy your sweet tooth if that's what you like. Learn a new way to enjoy food, but don't allow him to taint you or get you off track. You can do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[goin2lasvegas 0]

Well, I know I am a little different from all of you! But, I will tell you why. Right now, I have few "special friends" but no one in particular and I don't think it has to do with my weight, but I havent' really told any of them. I want to do this for myself...not because you may want to tell me that I am fine the way I am. But because I want to take my own life in my own way and in my own hands.:thumbup:

My suggestion is when a big bowl of ice cream is offered, just say no thank you, with no other comment. I think with enough of these refusals, he may get the hint that you are serious and if you can't support me.....I'll support myself and I will be a better person!

[Nina_S 1]

I just got Band (Realize Band), 12/08/08. My boyfriend was very supportive the 1st 6 days. When I start to eat soft foods he had the nerve to ask me if I wanted some ice cream. WTF!!! Granted we use to buy Walmart's Butter Peacan Ice cream, but he not only bought 1 box, but he bought 2 BOXES!!! He even bought 2 packages of Cookies, and we haven't had cookies in the house for the last month and 1/2.

He was telling me that he didn't think that I should get the surgery at all. He asked me why and WHO I was getting it for. CRAZY!!! He even "joked" that he may have it get a tracking device to put on my car. Yes he does have issues!!!

Has anyone else had issues with their men?Also we have been dating for over 9 years. He wants to get married but I'm not quite sure, no I know, that he doesn't have the Player out of him.

T

Hi Tktilly!

Congrats on your band!! I wish you much success!

The only advice I have is to make you #1 and that means making decisions that are best for you - be it food and anything else that effects you directly. I also agree with LastOptionAtty. You have been with him for a while and you feel like you know him. The question to ask yourself is if you can live with who he is today, with or without your band? You want to be with someone that TOTALLY supportive and on the journey with you. RIDE OR DIE! He is acting out of fear - you are testing his comfort zone. Love you!!

I found that with the weight loss my esteem grew and that challenged a few relationships - to my surprise.

He ain't ready for you to get FINE! But he betta get ready.

Good luck!!

N~