female only Question to benefit my wife

[B-Man 1]

My wife is a very strong beautiful person who happens to have a similar weight problem as I do. When I was banded in January she also went on a strict liver cleansing diet, and for awhile actually out lost me. Now after almost a year I am down 90 pounds, and she has gained back 10 of the 40 she lost. She goes to the gym with me, but is not doing well with the eating.

She is getting really disappointed in herself because she has put back on some weight. I made the suggestion to her that maybe she could consider the band, and how it was the best thing I ever did for myself.

My question is do I continue to push her towards this solution, or just encourage her to eat better and continue to work out?

Her BMI is currently at 32 so she is still lower than me 34.8

[Carrie_C 9]

With her BMI of 32 she probably wouldn't qualify for the sugery now. (Unless she is self pay and the doctor agrees to do it).

But aside from that, I would just contine to support her in what ever decision she makes. If she doesn't want it, you shouldn't push her to get it, because it is not for everyone. I would just tell her that you support her either way. You should also continue to lead by example by going to the gym, eating healthy, etc. Other than that, I don't think there's much else you can do.

[kiz 1]

I totally agree with everything Carrie suggested. I'm sure you're very excited about your personal weight loss, and you want your wife to enjoy the same, but really, the biggest selling point would be for your wife to see your success. Also, while she probably does need to shed some pounds, she may not feel she's to the point of taking the step of having a surgical procedure, and as Carrie said, she may not even qualify, depending on the doctor. I think it's great that you want to help your wife though, but if she's like me, it has to be a personal decision.

Also, congratulations on your weight loss!

[tapshoes 2]

As the other posters have said, lead by example. Do not suggest (however subtle you think you are) that she consider surgery.

[B-Man 1]

Ok thank you for the advise. I will just continue down the path I am currently traveling.

[Jachut 487]

I know how you feel - its hard to be torn between wanting to encourage someone to take the path you did becuase its working for you.

I felt the same way with DH. it took him 3 years but eventually he'd had enough of seeing me get thinner and healthier and then maintain my weight easily whilst he was still the same weight as he was when I got banded. Eventually he did it.

But even so, he does not approach being banded the same way as I do. I had fond fantasies of us running togehter, etc, in reality, he's not interested in exercise like I am, he'll walk a bit but that's it. This really is your own journey, there's room for one person on the ride. You have to do it your own way and concentrate on yourself, its a selfish thing. And your wife will have to approach her journey in her own unique way too.

Encouragement, support and unconditional love is all you need from your partner, you're doing exactly the right thing.

[kgloverii 0]

Amen to all of the above posters... talking to your wife about considering surgery is not something that will work most likely. Let her come to her own conclusions. lead by example and NEVER an 'I told you so." That just turns me off...

[newhope4me 0]

With the new year approaching, it's a great time to get back on track. That's how I would approach it. I knew that once Thanksgiving hit, i threw out worrying that i was only getting quality calories, until Jan 1. Why fight it, why not enjoy the holidays with everyone else? I have enough to worry about, with the holidays and this is the busiest time of year for me at work.

My hubby is a Marine, and suppossed to be in top shape. But with his gaming addiction (which for those who are familar w/ a previous thread of mine, he did just beat when the expansion caused him to lose interest), he is completely out of shape. The first of the year is our goal together to get back on track and to continue our healthier lifestyle. We both prefer different types of physical activity therefore we've never worked out together, but the food thing is our combined downfall.

Like I said, maybe making "resolutions" will help motivate her. Also, maybe seeing all your success has discouraged her a bit, possibly affecting her security, which led to her not wanting to work as hard. Just a suggestion.

[HeatherO 7]

I think just being there for her and supporting her decisions is the best way to go, whether it is banding or not.