SEX, SCARS & DATING!!!

Desi80 · July 30, 2005

Well if you plan on seeing this guy long term, i would suggest being as honest as possible. Like others said he probably won't ask, and if he does "lap surgery" is probably a good enough answer for now.

If this is just going to be a roll in the hay, getting your *cough* feet wet getting back into dating, tell him whatever you want. back when i was single and loving it, i lied about all sorts of stuff when i knew it was just going to be a one time thing. I even lied about my name just so the guy couldn't track me down after words LOL. *sigh* sometime i miss being single *evil grin*

Legallyblonde · July 30, 2005

A word of advice....what I thought was going to a short term thing, could have turned into a long term thing if I hadn't blown it. No pun intended! I lied about the scar and reasons for strange eatting.....was such a stupid lie that there was no going back.....can't start a relationship based on lies. Now I'm screwed. Or screwed no more I guess.P.S I say show your vagina to whoever wants to see it! Keep yourself safe and emotionally healthy and do your thing. I always used to say "if I was skinny, I would run around naked!" Now I do.

Barb · July 30, 2005

Lying can be hard to overcome. The trust factor is VERY important in a successful relationship and personally I don’t want to be in a relationship (especially an intimate one) with someone I can’t trust. You can find many ways to answer questions without lying. Just think about it, don't do something you regret later on.

MeganA · August 1, 2005

Wow, I'm late to this thread. I'm a dater...I keep trying them on and they just don't fit...not yet anyway. No one has ever asked about my scar. If they did, I'd say..."I had some surgery that we can talk about later. Don't worry, everything is fine!" I would hate to ruin the moment.

I guess you have to do what makes you feel the most comfortable...for me, telling someone about my weightloss surgery is easy because I'm not seeking approval or anything from that person. It's just a simple fact. For others, I know it's tough. But I really don't think you should lie. Relationships are hard enough to get started without lying about something that is actually prety important.

Just my opinion.

Megan

IamCanadian25 · August 1, 2005

girl, u tell him!....those are your battle scars, and u should be proud of them! If he is the stand up guy you think he is, then it will be no problem. And at 26lbs and counting he should be proud of u too!

good luck.

iamcanadian25

DeLarla · August 1, 2005

If you are still looking for an answer, instead of being worried about your scars, he should be worried about that funny looking twig and berries and his hairy back. We all look weird, especially naked. My hubby has a hot butt, but he's got scars and bumps and barnacles. Nobody is perfect so if he's into you, then he's not going to care about scars.

DeLarla · August 1, 2005

But if all else fails, I sell lingerie with lots of Queen Sizes to chose from. But let me kind of double-quote the wise Vine, it doesn't get any more intimate than sharing your vagina. Start off in something sheer and sexy, which will end up flung onto the ceiling fan, which is about as much attention as the scars will get once he gets hold of your fun parts.

August 2, 2005

Hi Jen,

Just wondering what the outcome was?

IMHO - as with anything in dating and romance, there's nothing wrong with preserving a little mystery and sharing your vagina with whomever you wish, all at the same time.

He might not be too interested in knowing about your scars when he has an urgent objective in mind, but what about after, when you're lying around and talking in bed, or taking a shower together, or eating in bed, or whatever you like to do after sex?

He might notice and ask then.

If you don't want to let it all hang out just yet, I would do as others have suggested. Don't lie. But don't be clinically forthcoming with any details just yet either.

Him: "What are those scars from?"

You: "Oh, just a procedure I had done a while ago. Nothing serious. Now, do you want to talk about our medical histories, or would you rather get back to this ..." as you kiss his neck, rub his back, whatever.

If he's like most men, he'll assume it was for a "female" problem and not want to know any more. Or, he'll be so turned on he'll forgat what he asked.

Anyway, please let us know how it goes/went!

Cheers,

LizzyD

dishdiva · August 3, 2005

I don't think Jen is looking for judgment from anyone on her dating and/or sex life. At what point in a relationship someone decides to be intimate is their business... and the level of honesty required is up to the individuals in that relationship. Many, many people on these boards don't fully fess up about their band surgery and we're not questioning them.

Let's stick to her band-related issues...

Jen, go for it. Tell him whatever you're comfortable with as far as your scars go.

(To clarify, my comments were in reference to a few people who were asking if she should be getting intimate with someone she can't be honest with... I just think that's her personal choice.)