Wishy-washy family/friends support :/

[SugarFerret 0]

So I'm sure this has been a thread already, but since I'm new, please forgive me if this has been said a lot. My family and friends were at first overwhelming supportive of my decision to get the lap-band, but now that I suppose they realize I'm "serious" (not sure why they didn't think I was to begin with), they're starting to act a little apprehensive. The majority of them say, "Well couldn't you just exercise?" or "Isn't this a little extreme? You're not THAT fat." or even better, "I'm sure if you just tried a little harder you could lose the weight." What the heck? Didn't you guys JUST say you supported my decision?? It's a little disconcerting to say the least, and what the...not THAT fat??? Is this to say they think the only people who get this surgery are above 500 pounds? (not to say that's innately bad to anyone who is or was 500 pounds, just throwing out numbers) I've been trying to lose weight for at least 7 damn years! You try harder! >.< It makes me feel odd having to explain my reasons for wanting to get the surgery at least 5 different ways. And to be honest, I'm starting to lose my confidence. It feels like the more non-supportive messages I've been getting, the more lame I feel. For instance, I'm starting to feel like wow I really must be a failure, since they are acting like it's so easy to just lose 120 pounds. I felt secure about my decision, but now I'm having doubts...maybe my reasoning isn't sound enough, but I thought it was. The other bad part is that they themselves don't see them as being so discouraging, they explain it as "trying to help," or "showing both sides of the spectrum." I don't think they realize they just make me feel stupid and lazy, which I know I'm not, but wow it's really starting to get to me.

[doodlebugs 0]

Don't let them discourage you! People that do not have a weight problem do not understand what, those of us that do, go thru. I made my decision to have the surgery and NO ONE was going to change my mind. The only people that knew where my husband, mom and sister and they knew all what I had been thru trying to loose weight over the past 15 years! Enough was enough, it was time to think about ME. I met with the Dr, and was had the surgery in the next 2 weeks. I have only told my best friend, and that was after I had the surgery. It was My decison, and I did it for ME. Think about yourself and do what you need to do. If they care they will be there for you no matter what!

[SuzanneG 1]

Sugar, I know exactly how you feel. I think people are just afraid of the unknown, some claim they are afraid of surgery, of having a foriegn object in your body, I've heard them all.

Bottom line, lapband is extremely effective for a huge amount of people. You are making the right decision, you are not lazy or a loser. Stand firm and when others pressure you, just say "It's a personal choice and I feel it will work for me." Then promptly walk away or hang up or change the subject.

It's none of their damn business how you get your weight off. Your entire life will change after getting the band. I've gone from a size 20 to a size 8 this year and I feel amazing! You deserve that too!

Hang in there. I'm cheering for you!

[RestlessMonkey 7]

They probably really think they ARE helping. Until they've "walked in your shoes" they can't know how UN helpful they are really being!

Just stand firm. I'd say "I appreciate your concern but I've thought long and hard about this and feel it's the best course for me. It would be great if you could support me in this". or something like that....

Hang in there!

[pongomp 1]

Hang in there, I completely understand what you are saying. Making the decision to have the surgery is a tough one, and once you make it, it's easy to have second thoughts. My family/friends were supportive in the beginning, but as the surgery got closer they became more negative. The common saying I heard was, "you're not that fat, isn't this just a lazy way out? You can just exercise more and be more strict with your diet". They just don't understand.

You just have to explain that it was a difficult decision to make, but you have made it and you know that it is going to both save & change your life. Deciding to have surgery is never a lazy route, any surgery is hard and with risks.

I'm sure your family/friends are trying to be helpful, but you just need to be firm in your decision and tell them it is the right thing for you. If they don't listen or argue, you need to walk away.

Trust me, it will all be worth it in the end when you are feeling healthier, more energetic, happier.

[SugarFerret 0]

Thank you all for your kind words and support It's definitely made me feel much better about things, and to know I'm not alone or the only one who has had these types of problems. I was starting to feel like they were right, and that I really was just being lame :/

[HeatherO 7]

You have to do what is right for you. Look how many people successfully take off weight and keep it off from average dieting, almost everyone fails. Then look at how many people successfully take off some weight and keep it off with banding, most people win.

They are only sharing their concern, but you have to do what is right for you. The reason I kept banding a secret in the beginning is because I knew people would respond in this way and I wanted to avoid it. I knew the decision I needed to make and I didn't want anyone to detract from it.

[Sandy Beach 4]

Last year at this time I had a closet full of clothes that were to tight to wear. I had a hand full of party invations and I had about 2 outfits that still fit me. I felt like a blond Oprah @200 plus pounds I was miserable. I cried and wanted to sleep all the time. I stayed in my darkened bedroom and ate Cookies and ice cream just for good measure. I started to do my research about how to start yet another diet. I came across WLS I researched everything I could get my hands on. On 1/21/08 I had my lap band surgery. I am so happy. All the big clothes are gone out of my house. My daughter is getting married in April and I just bought a mother of the bride dress size 8 thank you very much. I have a new and better life. I love to shop again. I love to be seen. I may have to have some arm and thigh surgery, but small price to pay. I never concerned myself if anyone liked or disliked my decision to have WLS. It's what has proven to be good for me. DH and DD have been very supportive.

[Maincat 14]

From a mere male perspective... stuff 'em!!

Do this for you - it's your life and you can do this. I've been very lucky in having fantastic support from family and friends, but honestly, I'd have still gone ahead if that support wasn't there. If I hadn't, my life would have been shortened by years, my quality of life would have diminished and there would be no joy.

So just go for it!

[bethm 0]

There is nothing easy about this. It takes a lot of committment and willpower (that you don't know you have until you do this). It's a really wonderful thing to do for yourself to get yourself healthy and I wish I had done it 15 years ago when I was 25.

This is an intensely personal decision. Just ask them to support you once you've made up your mind. I had to ask my family to stop their opinions and just be there for me. And I'm happy to say they have been since that day :biggrin:

[sandielaw 0]

I *just* had this conversation with my DH. He came *this* close to saying that WLS is the easy way out. Oh, I almost lost it.

If you've never been 100+ pounds overweight, you have no idea what it's like. Diet and exercise is absolutely the right prescription if you need to lose 10 pounds. But it doesn't work so well for losing 100+ pounds. Plus very, very few people succeed at losing (or maintaining) a loss of 100+ pounds.

WLS isn't an instant fix. It requires hard work and patience. You know all that...you've done your research. Most people have no idea what all WLS involves. You could take two different approaches:

1) Explain the surgery and your new lifestyle to them. When they learn that you have to workout and eat right, they may be more understanding. I've noticed that my geekier friends are interested in the science behind the band.

2) Tell them where they can shove it. It's your body and your decision. This is what you feel you need to do to be a healthier person. That's GOOD, right?

[OH Juli 15]

Okay, deep breath. In out.

Good.

Now repeat after me.

"Kiss my giant* ass. My mind is made up and this is no longer a topic of conversation. You may talk to me about it when I and ONLY when I bring up the subject. Understand?"

Repeat as needed.

*Please excuse the "giant", it's used as an attention getter. It speaks to the fact you are indeed overweight and people can not dismiss the fact if you are up front about it. I don't mean to offend you.

[Maggifer 0]

OH Juli, I love your attitude:)

I don't think you offended anyone, we should be proud that we're all making a decision to get healthier. And currently, those of us that are pre op and just post op are still very overweight. So we do have 'giant' asses;) And anyone that is 100% supportive can KISS them.

You are such an inspiration!

Have a wonderful Holiday Season!!!

[TQUAD64 9]

All I can say, is keep moving forward to a healthier you. It's all about you now, not them. Take charge, thank them for their concern, but move forward to having the surgery. You will not regret it.