Moved to a new ward

MrsFlipFlops · December 7, 2008

I find making friends incredibly difficult. My husband and I moved recently and we have a new ward, although the stake is the same, and I'm just struggling to be outgoing! I do so much better when I'm forced to socialize.

I am forcing myself to go to enrichment. I typically don't go. Normally I have callings in Primary and didn't know anyone in RS... so I actually don't think I've gone to enrichment in like, two years.

I just wanted to share... I HATE change. I HATE making new friends. I just find it so difficult! You never know the culture of the new group, don't know the jokes or any of the people and I'm really bad at names and faces, so I feel so bad when I don't remember. Ug... new places. Grump.

lapbandtalker · December 8, 2008

Join the club! Now you are among friends and a group of women who do what is required but really don't feel like we have friends in a new ward.

I've lived in more than 12 wards since being baptized AND have not ever had friends.

So now when I move, I just go....go some more...and go. I don't have the expectation of friends. And now, I prefer it that way. Too much drama in alot of people's lives-fake[self created] drama.

Boy am I cynical about this. But - my testimony has grown and I love the Lord with all my heart! I say yes to every calling and request from a member from church.

I go to church for the Lord - no one else.

{but I do hope you meet friends. Seems those with them are happier and life is about relationships with others- so I will be dying alone as it comes as no surprise that I've never married}

MrsFlipFlops · December 8, 2008

You know, it's true though that when you don't go for the relationships, I do tend to get more out of church. When I moved to a new area several years ago, I never had the time to get to know people due to my job... and although I felt left out, I noticed I learned SO much! Likely because I talked less and listened more!

I have friends in the area and family too... most of my friends are members of the church. I think part of my anxiety comes from that I've kind of lost one of my best friends through life situations and distance and I'm feeling a gap in my life as if something's missing. When I meet people at church, in my head it's like I'm interviewing them to see if they can take her place. lol... oh... so sad. :-)

Choromom · December 28, 2008

Could it be that there won't be anyone who can take the place of the friend you lost, but that someone might be able to make a different spot in your heart?

I wonder if the new ward people all ponder at why they seem to be being held to an unknown-to-them standard? Perhaps they really are NOT reaching out to you, but it is also possible that they sense they aren't getting through, either.

I remember when my sister moved to her current ward many, many years ago. She felt lost for quite a few months because no one was reaching out to her. Then, she learned that EVERYONE was new to the area and the ward, and they were all waiting for someone else to break the ice. Things improved for her when she began taking the first step...

Just a thought...

We've lived in many wards in our military life, and some are easy to fit in to, and others take a little more time. Thank goodness it is the Gospel that is true, and not the Church.

MrsFlipFlops · December 30, 2008

Oh of course I know no one will be ever to take her place. I think my issues are not that they aren't reaching out, but rather, I'm unwilling to care. I just feel sad about moving and sad about losing my friend that I'm feeling hopeless about getting close to someone again. I'm an incredibly shy person and naturally not very social. It makes church hard because sometimes I feel that in order to be a good mormon woman I'm required to change my personality.

mrboswell · January 6, 2009

I am a convert to the church and a recovering Alcoholic. For years I felt uncomfortable in church, rarely speaking to anyone, always the first out the door. I felt like I didn't fit in and that no one made an effort to get to know me. I always had the feeling that I wasn't good enough to belong to this organization. Well somewhere along the way I made the decision to try the opposite, to put my self out there, to seek out friends, and it worked! I move around a lot too, and I have found that there is always at least someone who you can identify and become friends with. I also enjoy church so much more now. I found I wasn't being judged nearly as much as I thought I was. I know how you feel about the the people who try to appear to be the perfect mormon, but they are struggling through life just as we are, and I think it's all just the way we look at things. Anyway, that's my experience.