What to tell work/coworkers

[Tinakins 0]

Ok, so I've almost decided and I'm still figuring out all the details. I need to take some time off for recovery. I'm thinking on banking on a week and then go from there.

What to tell work? Do you tell them you're having surgery and not the details? Do you just take vacation? I'm not sure what the usual proceedure would be since the surgery is "elective". I would assume that employers don't really have to give you the time off. What did you all do?

Afterwards how do you explain to coworkers why you're now eating differently etc...

[macpherk 0]

Depending on what you do for work, a week may not be enough recovery time. If you are behind a desk, maybe, but if you are in a profession like nursing, or retail, where you are on your feet a lot...well, it depends on your physical stamina beforehand.

In terms of your employer, again, it depends. If you have an employer who is fairly large, they may view this totally as a bonus for them...a less obese employee is a healthier employee. They may support you big time, but would of course keep some of this stuff confidential.

For your co-workers, it's up to you. I don't keep it secret, but it is not my main topic of information, either. Some people I work closely with are very aware(and interested) in what I have done(I was banded on Oct 1), but I am not going to go into details with anyone who stops me in the hall to say how good I look. At the same time, if anyone does hear about my surgery, and wants to ask me questions, I am more than happy to answer them. The big thing I hate is when we get into costs...I typically tell them that is something they will have to look into themselves.

I have not encountered anyone to my face making comments re how I could have done this just through diet...though I am sure there is behind my back. Those people can pound sand, as far as I am concerned.

My employer, a health insurance company, has been very supportive, they understand the benefits this will bring to my health(already off 3 medications that would cost them about 1000.00 per year).

Hope this helps, all the best to you.

[marivan 0]

I work for myself so I just made sure not to make any outside appointments for about a week, but was able to do work at my own desk. Do you have enough time to take it as a holiday? If not and you are allowed "sick time" then I'd say you were having some surgery (nothing serious) but you would need a week off. I don't think you need to go into any details and if it's a man, they may be afraid to ask.

I was luck and I had no gas pains at all, so I had my surgery on Thursday and took it easy over the weekend (I felt like I was getting over the flu, with a tender stomach, but really not too bad pain) and on Monday I helped a client put together an art show (no lifting). I was a bit out of breath, and tired afterwards, but still fine. By that Friday I felt back to where I was before surgery. But everyone is different and if you get the gas, I think that is more uncomfortable and lasts a while. As Macpherk says, it does depend on how physical your job is.

Everyone has totally different opinions on the "to tell or not to tell" issue. I told only a few close friends and just my husband. Not my family because of judgements. When people have commented on the loss now, or asked me how I've done it, I just say "oh the usual, eat less, exercise more", which is the truth, just not the entire truth. I don't want the behind the back comments on how I "cheated" to lose weight. Believe me, I've worked hard to get this far.

Good luck on your surgery. I don't regret it for a moment.

Mary

[Doddie63 6]

Why tell them anything? If you are applying for vacation time, then you are away on vacaton time, period. If the curious ask where you are going, simply say you will be at home.

Personally, I made no secret of what I was doing and it gave me nothing but misery. My obese sister didn't speak to me for roughly a year and a few of my friends stopped asking me out to a restaurant meal or said outright I had taken the easy way out.

So becareful to whom you give the details out. Sorry to be so bleak.

[2bslimsherri 0]

Personally I did not feel it was anyone's business. I am glad I did not and do not have to deal with the judgements, comments, etc. I only told my husband and 2 children since they live with me.

I did my surgery when I had 6 days off work. If I did need extra time I would have called in sick. (this was a part time teaching position)

for my main job I am self employed and work at home. I just took it very easy and did not do too much work for about 2 1/2 to 3 weeks. I found that my part time job tired me. I did not feel back to normal for at least a month.

For people I had to tell I was having surgery I just said I was having a hiatus hernia fixed and really didn't want people to know so please keep it quiet. It worked really well and explains the surgery scars, etc.

I do not regret my decision not to tell and it really isn't anyones business. You must do what you are comfortable with.

[marivan 0]

OMG, I can't believe that your sister didn't speak to you for a year, Doddie! And I thought I had strange family. I was pretty lucky in that the few close friends I did confide in have been very supportive and don't treat me any differently. They are pleased for me now that they can see the weight loss.

You are right, there are people who have very strong opinions/feelings about things, and I like the hiatus hernia excuse. It makes sense for the lifting of stuff, and your general tenderness (if it is still there when you go back).

Let us know how you get around it.

Mary

[Tinakins 0]

Thanks everyone! I work for a small company and they're weird about people taking time off for anything so I may try the hernia thing! I'd really rather not give up any of my vacation time - call me crazy but I don't think recovering from surgery is a vacation. I work at a desk so I think I'll be ok. I'd like to tell them I'm having surgery so that if I need more time they might (fingers crossed) be a little more understanding!

So far the people I've told have been, on the most part, understanding, a few have said - you know you really don't need to do that right? You're fine the way you are. But I tell them, for me it's not a choice and that usually shuts them up!

[Doddie63 6]

It is true Marivan She now talks to me but if I so much as mention anything to do with the band such as what amount I can or cannot eat when at her hourse, she clams up and pouts the whole time I am there. I walk on hot coals all the time. So be it.....her problem not mine.. I am happy.

As for telling, it is nobodies business period. You must base your decisions on what you feel is "the need to know" rule.

[Losing 2 0]

I thought I was going to tell the world (I talked about doing this for years); but, when I finally put the funds forth to do it... I got online and asked the same questions - cause I didn't want to hear the negatives. So, I took 2 weeks vacation (I have a desk job and have to walk people around a lot - but no lifting, etc). Came back to work and took it very easy with no problems. I told 2 co-workers and my family. I have lost pretty fast and nobody really asks me 'how' I did it, but they say WOW. Probably because I lost the same weight 5 or 6 times in the past 4 yrs. This time, I lost quicker and am actually a bit smaller.

We had our open season time last week, where insurance companies came out to answer questions - I asked the outside rep if they would pay for my fills and she said, 'why did you go and do that?' you could have done that the good old fashion way - I just lost 5 lbs and am getting ready to lose some more. I said, good luck and walked away.

I want to tell so many folks at work who I think would be supportive - but, thee are so many others who would find out and give me stares & grief. So, I'm still on the fence.

Best of luck to you.

[inuit 0]

It is a sad comment on society when people think they have a right to comment about your health issues. You did not ask their permission to have surgery so what makes them think they have a right to make negitive comments about it.

Obesity is the last discrimination that is not only allowed but encouraged. Sad, isn't it.

[marivan 0]

Inuit,

You are so right! And if you ever see a comment board after the subject of lap band or bariatric surgery comes up, look out! The venom is really bad.

I was researching the band a few months before I did it too, and I saw a forum in Australia where I man asked the question if anyone could tell him how safe it was, as his wife wanted to have this surgery and he was a bit worried, as he didn't want to lose her. OMG! There was not one person that was kind. It was "tell her to push fat a** away from the dinner table" and other equally horrible comments. Like you, NFaith, that helped me decide that I was telling no one.

Tinakins, let us know how you get on!

Mary

[Doddie63 6]

The question to tell or not, gets less and less important as the weight comes off. Your self esteem goes up, your medications go down, your life is brighter as you get into small clothes and all the other NSVs.

It is funny when I quick smoking, I found that when I told people they seemed to push smokes my way. When I told people I had the band, they pushed food my way or made snide comments. Now that doesn't happen when I say with confidence no thanks and give no explanation.

My small point being made is - why do we feel we need to give any explanation but we do? As someone posted, when people comment on her weight loss she smiles and replies "Thank you".

[inuit 0]

Really sick that if you are obese, people feel that they can be rude and hurtful and society thinks it's o.k. Mind you nobody would ever say this to my face but the cowards say it behind my back or in the next aisle over. When you bare obese, you may already have a self esteem issue and it is pretty hard to maintain a thick skin. I wish it was as politically incorrect to make fun of obesity as it is to make fun of the handicapped. Hopefully in my lifetime.

[inuit 0]

Really sick that if you are obese, people feel that they can be rude and hurtful and society thinks it's o.k. Mind you nobody would ever say this to my face but the cowards say it behind my back or in the next aisle over. When you are obese, you may already have a self esteem issue and it is pretty hard to maintain a thick skin. I wish it was as politically incorrect to make fun of obesity as it is to make fun of the handicapped. Hopefully in my lifetime.

[doodlebugs 0]

I work in education, so I watied until the day before Thanksgiving and had mine done. I went in that Wednesday and home first thing Thursday morning. I laid around all weekend and went back to work on Monday. I have a desk job so it really wasn't that bad, I was tired at the end of the day, but by Wednesday I could tell a big difference. I did not tell anyone at work that I was having it done. My husband, my oldest child, my mom and sister are the only ones that know and my best friend. I wouldn't tell them what you are having done, I would just say that you need to have a procedure done and need to take a week off. Good Luck!