what a time with this last fill---

Lindaloo · July 21, 2005

I got my third fill on July 1. I have a small band (holds 4 ccs), and the dr. filled me to 3cc. On my previous fills, I had no problems, I was on the liquids for a day or two then mushies for a week. I felt restriction.

OK. So I haven't lost weight in a year. (I know. I'd been avoiding having a fill) I get this fill on the 1st. I can swallow Water in the office. So I leave.

I find myself burping a lot right from the beginning.

I start the liquid diet. No real problem at first. I do notice I have to sip and can't take big drinks at all. I am always drinking Water and usually manage to drink about 3 big bottles per day on average. I found myself not even being able to get one down, but then all my meals were liquid too, so I think I'm ok on liquids at first.

I notice I have to be careful. Drinking Soup is harder than colder stuff. I pb'd a few times. I call the Dr. and ask if this is normal. I'm assured it's OK, sometimes it takes longer for swelling to go down, I'm told.

About a week into it I develop reflux, which I've never had before. I wake up throwing up, horrible...very acid. I get to the point where I really can't lay down and I'm feeling sick to my stomach all the time. I call the Dr. He says to take pepcid and see if I feel better. I do at first, but after a day or so it has no effect.

I call again, exhausted because I can't sleep, feeling sick much of the day. I'm eating water ice and ice cream milkshakes. These are the only things that don't make me feel sick. Even water makes my stomach upset.

They order a Upper GI. I go for that, and can see everything on the screen. The barium in my pouch is a dark mass, and there are thin threads coming down from the band into my lower stomach. I ask about the threads, and the radiologist says that it is the barium, barely eeking into my tummy.

I get lightheaded from the lack of food (I couldn't eat from midnight til after noon the day of the test), and almost pass out.

I call the dr. the day after the test, and they want me to come in immediately for an unfill. A doctor (mine's on vacation) takes out one cc, leaving me with 2cc in, a half cc less than before I got the last fill.

Immediately I find that I can drink more easily and am able to drink about 8 oz of water in five minutes, which is great.

Now, last night, we were taking a family member out to eat at a buffet. (we live in Amish country, it's a really fab restaurant). I get some mashed potatoes and gravy....and it's heaven.

I missed eating so much. I just wanted to take the band out and be fat.

I dont know how this is going to work for me in the future. I have an appt in six weeks for another fill (probably up to 2 and a half ccs--where I was before this last fill).

I don't always follow the rules of the band. I've lost a decent amount of weight but not the ideal. Sometimes I wonder if I should have gotten the bypass. I need the discipline of being sick if I eat the wrong thing. But I was so depressed and flat when I couldn't eat. It was a real torture, as being a mom of 4 I had to cook for everyone every day and I couldn't eat anything. It was very hard and very depressing. I lost 10 lbs, but have to say, it was the hardest ten I've ever lost. In the beginning of the last fill, I thought...wow...this is awesome, I can deal with this for a while, losing weight and drinking shakes. But man oh man, that reflux changed that pretty quick.

So many emotions...elated when I lost the weight at first, so quickly...then depression when I couldn't eat, exhaustion and lightheadedness when I couldn't eat. I was out with my daughter after the unfill yesterday and thought I might pass out. The feeling of being able to eat those potatoes yesterday...I was so happy, it was like I could feel every cell in my body be happy over finally eating again. My mind got clearer, I could think, and my mood was over the moon.

What a rollercoaster ride. Sigh.

HarleyNana · July 21, 2005

Linda, I've been taking a personal survey and it's amazing, most everyone who has trouble with their fills, with lots of pbing, especially after 1.75 fill, are 4cc banders. My mom, KarenB, myself, and someone else, (forgot her name), all have similar problems and we're all 4cc band. I so wish I had the larger band.

Good Luck

Alexandra · July 21, 2005

Linda, you've written a post MANY of us can identify with. The head issues that are not solved by banding are a larger problem than perhaps we realized going in. We've been "dieting" so long that we can't fathom a new life where there is NO END to the new eating discipline. I know I've run up against that emotional wall a couple of times, indeed.

A too-tight fill is a scary thing, and I agree it does seem to be more common in people with the smaller band. The "just-right" fill is out there, and when we have it the band's miracle can work. Yet even a "just-right" fill can't help with the head issues that make food itself seem like some holy grail. Unfortunately.

Lindaloo · July 21, 2005

Yes... I'm doing well now, I've been avoiding bad food so far, trying to focus on protien first then everything else....trying to rehydrate myself. I feel so "dry" thirsty....even my skin is itchy.

I know what I need to do. I need to eat right and exercise. The band helps but doesn't change that.

Interesting about the larger bands vs the smaller. I knew they had to change to the bigger band for some reason.

While I was on this three week fill adventure, I had to quit my anti depressants (I couldn't swallow them), deal with some rather annoying teen dramas from my eldest child, and couldn't turn to food for comfort or help with my emotions. I felt like a bug pinned on a board. Trapped and stuck. I couldn't move away from the problems, couldn't medicate, couldn't soothe myself, didn't feel well, and on top of that I couldn't even sleep. I told my DH at one point that I felt like I wanted to just get up and walk away from myself. (if you can understand that) I wanted to just "leave" myself and be someone else.