Reactions from people post-weight loss...

[kgloverii 0]

I had an interesting thing happen on Thanksgiving. My husband's aunt, whom I have had a very warm relationship with, took one look at me when I entered the room, and would barely speak to me... She answered me in a very ummm... short fashion and stared at me the whole time I ate my sweet potato pie... but didn't say a word. I became self-conscious eating it, lol.

Anyway, my husband said he's sure it is because I was the 'big girl' in the family, like her. Now "The Fat girls can't roll together..." Most people have been supportive and positive throughout my transformation... this has been the first blatant disdain for my weight loss. I'd love to hear other banded peoples' experiences. :thumbup:

[BethFromVA 5]

Wow. Just... wow. :wink2:

I don't have anything to share... yet... but give it time. :thumbup:

[Jachut 487]

Its happened to me a lot. I would shout from the rooftops that I absolutely NEVER faced discrimination when I was overweight but have since losing it. It seems to be a crime to care what you look like, to look fit and healthy and to not want to stuff your cake hole with McDonalds like everyone else is doing. Fat people *assume* you are looking at them disdainfully or thinking "she shouldnt be eating that" when the thought never crossed your mind, you were simply admiring their necklace! So they give you greasy looks, or dismiss you as a bimbo or dont want you joining in the conversation.

When I was heavier, I was a BMI of 36, absolutely "normal" in the circles in which I move. Most of my peers are mothers of several children, have been stay at home mums for a number of years and are in that stage of life where the weight begins to come on and the time to care for yourself is limited. So I looked like everyone else. Now I stand out, these sorts of women envy me and think I am one of those "lucky" ones who never had to worry about her weight and they treat me rudely out of resentment!

Men I have no problem with - I'm treated the same as I always was. I'm average looking, some men find me attractive, some dont. It hasnt changed. I get tooted and yelled to when I go out for a run but that used to happen when I was out walking too (yes, men are still just as much idiots as they ever were, lol).

Friends and family were all supportive though, I'm talking about people that never knew me fat. I havent had anyone who has seem me lose weight react negatively.

Edited December 1, 2008 by Jachut

[KarenG. 0]

Happens all the time. Other things - shock - people almost don't seem to know how to talk to me. SO many people don't recognize me - I am talking about people I have worked with in the past who maybe saw me every few months for years. They completely don't recognzie me and I have come to recognize this blank look on their face when they try to place me. I hate that almost as much as the hostilty i get from some people.

Several weeks before I was banded I had a weird experience which I am almost embarrassed to share. I had lunch with a friend who had lost 75lbs without surgery - she was abotu 25 lbs from her ultimate goal. I didnt realize she had lost this weight since I hadn't seen her in a while - I had such an immediate negative reaction to her weight loss that I had to double take. It took me several minutes before I could have a normal exchange with her. It was a total gut feeling and nothing that I am proud of. Now, she has gained most of her weight back and I am passed goal and she has had almost the exact same reaction. We have never talked about it and I don't see her very often because she doesnt live near me.

I would say that overalll men are nicer to me and women are not as nice to me. This is really hard for me since I have always had really close female friends and an easy time making friends - I guess that was because I wan't a threat before.

[SanDiegoPhotog 0]

There is one person in my family who is jealous. I was afraid she would be, and my fears are starting to be proven as the reality of the situation is setting in. Sadly, I am very close to this person and now I can see "this" getting in the way. She used to be tiny, but age and 2 children are making it more difficult for her, while I'm losing what seems like effortlessly to others (nevermind all the freaking working out I do and logging my calories, etc).

A very close friend has refused to acknowledge my weight loss. I doubt she will EVER acknowledge it.

[sistasassy 6]

I am only three weeks post-op and I am already being treated like I have the plague by my heavy friends. Most of them won't even look at me for fear of....I don't know what.

I even have a friend who lost a whole bunch of weight and has kept most of it off who is now treating me the same way. She began to diet again when I had my surgery and, everytime I see her now, flaunts the fact that she has lost ten more pounds.

Great for her but why not great for me too? There are a few who are wanting info on the band and a few who just want to know what is going on and are being supportive. I am not friendless by any means.

I just wish that my heavy friends would not feel threatened, or whatever it is, by my success so far.

These are the people who also, when actually speaking to me, feel the need to tell me about all the bad things they have heard about the band and how they would never get it or have WLS because of it.

One good thing out of all of this is that my husband, who is only minimally overweight, has hit the pavement jogging again. He still looks good at his current weight but he is a total HOTTIE when he drops about thirty pounds!:thumbup:

[luluc 6]

a different perspective.

i was always the smallest (not just in height) amongst family and friends......till i added 75lbs to my 5'1 frame. i literally went into seclusion for 2+ yrs - not attending any social function, turning down dinner/luncheons, not visiting my family in NY & FL - just hiding out. the first of those 2yrs was packing on another 15lbs - the other one was when i got banded. i KNEW the weight would not come off fast for me...so i just kept myself buried in this journey and only focused on what i was able to deal with at that moment.

come the first of summer i finally felt comfortable getting out and about. i just got the nod & compliments that i'm looking like my old self. i was happy with that, no need to make anything more of it. now hubby is PISSED that every wkend we have a function again. he liked his down time...LOL

there has only been 1 friend that i've gotten the cold shoulder from and that is solely because i'm not the fat one anymore and she is. it's an ugly assessment, but it's a fact. she has done what i did - and gone into her own seclusion. she has to work that out - it's not my issue; but i feel for her......hurts being that "friend"...been there.

[laurigee 545]

Everyone in my family has started thinking more about their weight since I have lost mine. They are seeing that my health is better and it has inspired them. Except my sister-in-law. She is thin, always has been. She has been talking to my husband and telling him that she thinks I have a eating disorder(everyone knows I have the band). She tells him that I am getting to thin and I no longer look good. My husband just laughs. Her opinion doesn't really bother me that much and we still are good friends. The one thing that hurts the most was what some mothers in my small town said. I have 2 sons 14 and 16, we have always had a large group of kids at or house on a daily basis. My husband and I are very close to our sons and a lot of the boys that come over we love like sons. The boys that come over range from 14 to 18. Well, the ugly thing they started was how some of the boys come over without my boys or husband at home. They will wait for them, I give them Snacks and chat with them while their waiting. Never thought that was a problem. A mother had the nerve to say "I hope that she is smart enough not to sleep with one of these kids." Just typing that makes me sick to my stomach. No one ever said anything like that when I was heavier and I have always had the house with the kids, even when my nephews were younger. I am not sure if this is jealousy or just someone that is just plain rotten. Sometimes I think life was easier overweight. Then I think about it and start to wonder whether it was easier for me or for other people.

[Apples2 19]

I have been really struggling lately because of comments made by people I have not seen since I started my weight loss. Have been running into a lot of them in the last month or so. I have been getting the "You're too skinny and you better not lose any more". My answer is usually "I'm right where my doc wants me to be and I feel healthy, not too skinny." I know that most people do not mean to demean me but just don't think b/4 they speak. The worst are friends that have quite a bit of weight on them. The word anorexic was being tossed around at a party a couple of weeks ago and started by a so-called friend. The last time I met with my surgeon, he was happy with the weight I am at. My BMI is within the normal range and he told me I am done with my monthly meetings and would see me in March. Then he added that I should come back for a fill in the mean time if I start to gain any weight. I am quite tall and have a boyish figure with boobs. Have always had skinny arms and legs, even when I weighed 249#. I had a similar incident on Thanksgiving day. A person who is an RN started questioning me about having the LB. Drilled me for about 5 minutes and just stood there staring for about 30 minutes while I was busy in the kitchen but not saying another word. Another incident happened two weeks ago while volunteering at our local hospital. Was in the cafeteria getting a cup of coffee. The lead RN (what is it with these RN's? LOL) came up behind me and stated that she thought I was too skinny and that the surgery I had was not meant for that purpose. The purpose is to get healthy...not skinny. I couldn't even open my mouth to respond. There were about 20 people standing in line within hearing distance. I was appalled. The RN walked away and then turned around and said "In MY opinion you are way too skinny". It's too bad that it threw me cuz I would have told her that if I wanted her medical opinion, I would have made an appt. (This RN works at the hospital I had my LB surgery at). Very inappropriate. In my opinion, this incident was reportable but I cannot be bothered. I am proud of the steps I have taken to get to where I am. It was a lot of work and I am finally at peace. The obesity cloud has lifted. And...I AM NOT TOO SKINNY. Where were people when I was sooooooooooo obese? Why didn't they say something then? I will have to say that there are more people than not who are encouraging and compliment me on how good I look. All in all most people mean well. There just has to be those few.....

[Apples2 19]

Hey....anyone else having trouble today with posting on this site. I break my posts into paragraphs but when I go back to read them, they are all mushed together

[Jachut 487]

People in general are seriously warped in what they believe is "too skinny". Many fat people simply cannot recognise a healthy weight when they see it. It seems to mortally offend them.

It is entirely normal for collar bones, hip bones, knees, elbows and wrist bones to show. It is even normal for your ribs and backbone to show. Not in every minute detail but being able to see your bones does not make you anorexic. Being dedicated to a healthy diet and daily exercise is not obsessed and it is not an eating disorder.

[MellyB 0]

"The Fat girls can't roll together..."

This.is.awesome. I love it.

I have had nothing but amazing support. Tonight my sister saw me and nearly cried, she said I looked so good already. She's a fluffy chick too and she's still happy for me. She's ready to get hers!

[crzytchr 3]

Hey....anyone else having trouble today with posting on this site. I break my posts into paragraphs but when I go back to read them, they are all mushed together

That happens to me all the time. I put two line spaces between my paragraphs to be able to separate them.

[neverB4 2]

I had to meet at distanced family member the other day. He saw me drive up, get out of my car...but thought I was somebody else. When I walked into the door, he was flabbergasted!! I was having a hard time realizing why here lately, everyone is "exagerating" my weightloss...until I found some pictures on my cellphone that my son took of me without knowing...I have to keep looking at them myself to see it's really the new me!!

[kossde 6]

My grandmother saw me for the first time in 100 pounds on Thanksgiving. She didn't recognize me at first, but when she did, she started crying and ran up and hugged me. She hasn't stopped talking about the weight loss every since. It really feels nice to have that kind of response from someone so close to me.

My younger sister, who has been living with me since before my surgery, still has moments. she'll walk into a room and out of no where go, "OH MY GOD, Chanda! You've lost SO much weight!!" It makes me laugh- I mean, c'mon- she sees me every day.

Also, my employees are nicer to me than they used to be. They are all very young men so I cant really blame them for being a little shallow and transparent. :tongue2: