Will I ever stop feeling like the fat chick in the room?

[lellow 1,713]

I still grab clothes that are 2 sizes too big for me to try on even now when I go to the shops.

I still look into the big and tall boutiques when I walk by, but forget to look in the 'regular sized' clothes shops.

I think my head looks far too big for my body. I still think I looked more 'in porportion' when I was heavier, despite liking being a smaller size in general.

I am surprised by my reflection in shop windows, but when I look at myself naked in the bathroom mirror, I still see fat.

I still feel self-concious sometimes in a crowd.

I still play the funny girl to my family, because I was always the funny, fat one, and my sister was the beautiful skinny one. I don't know how to take on any other role.

I still expect not to fit into seats, and still avoid sitting in stiff plastic chairs.

I don't want to give away all the clothes I can no longer wear because I still believe that one day I'll probably need them.

I am now close to average-sized for an Australian woman, but still almost always feel like I'm the biggest person in the room, before my brain catches up and reminds me that I'm not.

So I want to know: does that mindset change at some stage or after some time? Do you eventually stop feeling like you're overweight? Or will you always feel the awkwardness and discomfort of being 'fat', even if it's beginning to only be true in your head?

Edited November 28, 2008 by lellow

[Jachut 487]

Dont know, I doubt it. I still feel fat or big most of the time. I'm having a particularly fat day today, lol.

Its weird how if you suddenly see your reflection without expecting it to for a split second you see the thin you. But when you look, you see fat.

I've been "thin" for about 18 months now. And I still think about losing more weight every single day.

[lellow 1,713]

I suppose the bright side of that, Jachut, is that you never really take the weight loss for granted, or stop being disciplined.

[HeatherO 7]

The feeling fades over time, but does sometime catch you unawares. Deep down inside, I think my mind has not let go of being obese (I still am in my dreams, lol. My dream self isn't aware of the changes yet).

I am now getting used to being thinner, but what I mean by this is that I no longer think about being big, only not really thinking about it at all. Most of the time, I am not fat me or thin me, only just me . . . . which is where I wanted to be all along.

It is still a shock for me sometimes. Like when I am folding clothes and I see my medium sized t-shirts and look at them like, did some child forget their clothing here, lol? Not only do they look small, they look miniscule. Or when i look at a pair of size 8 jeans, they make such a slim sillouette when I am folding them that they look impossible. I can never imagine they would fit around me . . . but somehow, someway they do.

My belly is growing right now because I am pregnant. My 8's are starting to feel too snug at the waist so I started wearing 10's occasionally that I still have in my closet. Eventhough I want my belly to grow and I am thrilled and happy about why it is growing, I seem to have an irrational fear of watching my body move back to being thick in the middle. It is like looking back 20 pounds ago with a big but and small belly . . . and then reversing it, lol.

I guess i'll get used to the changes with time. I bet we all get used to them to an extent. However, I think we will never think about our bodies in the same way as someone who has never experienced being obese.

[laurigee 545]

lellow...I have the habit of grabbing clothes to big also. I still wear around my husband 2X sweatshirts. I wear a size medium or large. My husband went out and bought me a bunch of clothes and threw away the sweat pants that I love. I just think that everything that fits properly feels to tight. In my house, when it came time to go out my husband would ask "are you going to wear your regular sweats tonight or your dress sweats". Comfort was always key. I think I will always be amazed when I fit on, or into things that I didn't for 10 years. During my first plane trip since I've about hit goal, I sat in the seat and looked over and told my husband that I loved how the seats have gotton bigger on planes. He looked at me and laughed. Of coarse it was easier in my head to think that the airlines had changed to larger seats than to think I had just gotton smaller. He assured me that the seats had definately not gotten bigger. I think for me I will always be waiting for the other shoe to fall, where I return magically overnight back into a obese person. My goal for the new year is to start dealing with food and body issues, no matter what I weigh to just be at peace with myself and food. It seems like that could be my biggest challenge.

Edited November 28, 2008 by laurigee

[kgloverii 0]

I think we will ALWAY be aware. The previous posters comments, I echo. DH took me into Ann Taylor and we bought quite a few skirts and shirts... size 8. Ann Taylor is NOT forgiving in size. But I insist that I am still a 10 because somehow admitting that an 8 would actually fit, is impossible.

I still see fat in the mirror. But as others have said, I'll see a reflection walking be a mirror and go... HOLY COW. But I have not wrapped my head around it. Maybe someday, but not quite yet...

It is funny, cause my family went to McDonald's for lunch a month ago and I had ordered a Filet O Fish. I had 'dissected it' at the table and was eating the fish filet, no bun, and this lady was STARING at me. DH pointed it out and I was like "I can't eat anymore cause she's staring." I thought she was looking at me, going "That girl should NOT be eating that fish." DH told me, NO that's not why she was staring. It was cause me and him were sitting there, arms around each other... a black man and white woman with 2 adorable little MIXED children and in our small town, it occasionally gets looks of interest. But, my fat girl brain thought it was cause of the fatness... I just immediately KNEW it was cause of my weight. I told my mom that and she said "Katy, you would be the LAST person someone would look at and think that about the fish" and I know in my heart it is true... but I am still the fat girl... to me.

[Candle 11]

I am surprised by my reflection in shop windows, but when I look at myself naked in the bathroom mirror, I still see fat.

This is my BIG problem.

I started working in a retail store for the holidays and at night, I see my full length reflection in the plate glass windows. It's weird - sometimes I don't realize it's me.

But naked ... I still see 300lbs. Loose skin is a big problem for me.

I think my face looks older now that it's thin. :biggrin:

[HarleyNana 10]

I think most of us still see ourselves as the largest person in the room, but it does get better. I'm almost four years out and I love going to parties. I have my own Harley and I used to hate going to biker bars because I was always the fat old lady on a Harley, now I love riding up on my bike. Since I'm short, my hubby always parks my bike, I just pull up, snap my fingers and yell, VALET, and he parks my bike.

I've included a picture of me a couple of weeks ago at a surprise 40th anniversary party my hubby threw for me.

Edited December 2, 2008 by HarleyNana