Virtual psychiatry

[plain 12]

Because it's late, and I'm bored, and I can't access chat, I'm starting a new thread (May it be as prolific as the 6300+ post PJTP):

Virtual Psychiatry

Come on in, recline on the couch and tell me all about it. Phobias, dream analysis, electroshock therapy, I'll do it all, except housecalls.

Advice not meant to be taken seriously. Do not bring any serious or emotionally painful problems in here, as I'll probably end up mocking them. Sure, my advice sucks, but ya gets what ya pays for.

[smsmithart 4]

hello friend

i was gonna post about my dreami had 2 nightmares about my son 1 he drowned at the park and no one pulled him from the Water ...and 2 he was kidnappped at the airport and we only found his clothes both were terrible and very real i didnt send justin to daycare today because i just wanted him home today because of the dreams last night ...and also i had chili before bed

[Donna113 2]

Help! I've been banded and now I'm a fat girl that eats like a skinny girl but the fat refuses to depart! Any insight, Doc?

[Donna113 2]

hello friend

i was gonna post about my dreami had 2 nightmares about my son 1 he drowned at the park and no one pulled him from the Water ...and 2 he was kidnappped at the airport and we only found his clothes both were terrible and very real i didnt send justin to daycare today because i just wanted him home today because of the dreams last night ...and also i had chili before bed

For real? How scary!

[plain 12]

hello friend

i was gonna post about my dreami had 2 nightmares about my son 1 he drowned at the park and no one pulled him from the Water ...and 2 he was kidnappped at the airport and we only found his clothes both were terrible and very real i didnt send justin to daycare today because i just wanted him home today because of the dreams last night ...and also i had chili before bed

Hmmmmm, yes. The effects of chili upon dreams are well documented. Clearly the classic anxiety dream has been influenced by your choice of late night nutrition. Also, I believe you are crazy.

Prescription: Only eat dream-friendly "wolf"-brand chili before bed. All of the taste, 1/2 of the nightmares of other chilis.

[plain 12]

Help! I've been banded and now I'm a fat girl that eats like a skinny girl but the fat refuses to depart! Any insight, Doc?

Interesting. As I've seen your photo album, I can attest that you are no longer fat. That you see yourself as such suggests issues of body dysmorphia.

Prescription: Smash all mirrors in your house whildst screaming like a banshee. Then wear a bikini to work....If your boss objects tell him / her that your internet psychiatrist said they could "suck it". I will fax you a note to that effect if needed.

[smsmithart 4]

omg you are to funny ....but i knew the part about the crazy its like my middle name ...that why i cant leave bf whos gonna put up with all this crazy...i just need to work out more my mp3 broke and i havent been able to get all my crazy out on the treadmill ...look plain you helped me help myself your the best....

[Donna113 2]

Interesting. As I've seen your photo album, I can attest that you are no longer fat. That you see yourself as such suggests issues of body dysmorphia.

Prescription: Smash all mirrors in your house whildst screaming like a banshee. Then wear a bikini to work....If your boss objects tell him / her that your internet psychiatrist said they could "suck it". I will fax you a note to that effect if needed.

So, when I think I catch glimpses of size 4, that's my true image and not wishful thinking? LOL

I'll be sure to tell my boss to "suck it" and let her know that my doc prescribed it as therapy.

[plain 12]

I'll be sure to tell my boss to "suck it" and let her know that my doc prescribed it as therapy.

If I need to "dumb down" the highly clinical language for your boss, I will.

[Donna113 2]

So, shall we address your issues, Plain? I seem to recall that you had a penchant for eating cheetos in the nude whilst providing online therapy to desperate overweight women.

[smsmithart 4]

can you pm me the cheetos in the nude pics that would be super ....that would be better than any prozac on the market...

[plain 12]

Yes, well, this is awkward.....but you've both been so forthcoming that I will share some deep dark secrets:

I occasionally like to attach clothespins to my body whildst sporting a sailor suit. I find it soothing to yell at an antique Barbie doll that I've named "mother". I sometimes loiter at the produce section of my local Walmart and giggle when the elderly ladies pick up a cucumber. My oral fixation is so pronounced that I frequently must wear a "spit cup" affixed under my chin with a velcro strap.

But other than those things, I think I'm pretty well adjusted.

[Donna113 2]

The craziest part of it all is that I can actually picture you doing all of those things!

[smsmithart 4]

wow.....your wife is a vey special lady ....

[plain 12]

LOL....bunch o' smart asses! I open up to y'all and I get mercilessly mocked...."mother" is going to hear about this!